e-mail Dennis

e-mail Debra

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Updates

February 19, 2006
Ozer Monitors-
Although these updates are fewer and far between, it impresses me how many of you still make an effort to stay in the Ozer know – I’m deeply appreciative of this. All in all, our lives remain consistent, joyful and happily uneventful. We had a check-up with Dr. Antin on February 8th (every 2 months now), and everything is rock solid. His counts are terrific, and his hematocrit hit 40 for the first time since his illness, indicating full recovery and normal counts across the board. Another round of baby shots left him wiped (now I know why we get them as infants), but otherwise, he continues to do well. He is completely off any meds, including Prednisone, so he has had some rash flare-ups and a slight uptick in nausea (remnants of stomach GvH), but all is completely manageable. He continues to do yoga daily and truly looks great; it’s hard to imagine he was ever as sick as he was if someone is meeting him for the first time.
Physical fatigue still remains a factor, and I have to continuously fight off my own feelings of nervousness whenever I see him tired, slightly out of breath or falling asleep in front of the TV. His body has been through a massive ordeal and, although the restriction time for the transplant may be a year, the actual recovery time, both physically and mentally, is actually far longer. Paranoia does none of us any good, but sometimes it’s hard not be reactive despite my best efforts. As I’ve said before, I don’t dwell on it, but it creeps up on me some days, despite my best intentions.
My thanks to all of you who have so generously donated to Dana Farber and Dr. Antin’s research fund in honor of Dennis; their work is ongoing, crucial and greatly benefits us all. While our friends Evie, Tali and Melissa all continue to recover strongly after their transplants, our friend Michael has not been as fortunate; his experimental haplo graft has failed, and he and his wife have returned home after almost 3 months away from their children, to re-build his strength and figure out what the next step will be. I ask all of those who read this who are near Memorial-Sloan Kettering in New York to consider donating blood and platelets, as Michael is receiving frequent transfusions. Most importantly, if anyone has not joined either the NMDP registry, or the Gift of Life Bone Marrow Registry (Michael is of Eastern-European Jewish descent like Dennis, and thus far has not found a donor match), I urge you and ask you personally to do so; while finding a donor match will definitely most directly affect Michael, please don’t let a personal connection alone be the only impetus that compels you to be part of a potential miracle. While quite a few of us tested with thoughts of Dennis in our hearts, there were many who came forth, willing to donate, knowing nothing more about him other than an urgent appeal from his wife and words typed on a website. We are all a resource for hope, healing and recovery – share with gratitude. Debra.

January 23, 2006
Celebrations
Those who bless our lives:
Happy New Year and welcome to 2006! Our family took quite the detour to get to this particular new year, but we are enormously glad to see it, together and in recovery. Several weeks ago, we had an amazing surprise celebration for Dennis that I had been planning for several months. I fondly refer to it as ‘Dennis First Birthday Party’, in honor of the 1 year anniversary of his transplant, and the stem cells that gave him this miraculous second chance. We had almost 120 friends and family for dinner at our Temple, followed by a magnificent service where Dennis was Jewishly re-named in honor of his new life. It is a little known, but incredibly beautiful, Jewish tradition to bestow a new Hebrew name on an individual who survives a life-threatening illness, or a transplant, to honor this second chance at life. Dennis’ new Hebrew name is Chaim, which means ‘life’. No further explanation necessary. He was extremely surprised, tremendously moved and I can’t even describe the feeling of watching him re-connect with the people he loves after a year of so much confinement and isolation. While every person in attendance meant the world to us, we were particularly blessed by the company of Dr. Antin, Deborah Yolin (his PA at B&W) and Deborah Liney (the Manager of Unrelated Transplants at DFCI who found our two cords); our wonderful bud Toni Dubeau, Dr. Antin’s Transplant coordinator, who has been an unbelievable rock throughout, was sick and unable to attend. Profound gifts come from the most difficult circumstances. Thank you friends, family, our Rabbi and congregation for celebrating this incredible man and his new life with us.
Dennis continues to integrate into some of the more mundane processes of life that we take for granted. Soon after our celebration, we spent the afternoon over our friend’s Patti and Jonathan’s house, and then went out to eat. Sounds pretty normal and run-of-the-mill, but it was the first time in over a year and a half that we’ve been over someone else’s home and out to dinner as a family of 4. Very nifty. We have since been re-discovering the fine cuisine in and around our area, and Dennis took in a Celtics game the other day, albeit a bit nervously. He has been diligently going to daily Bikram hot yoga classes, and he looks strong and limber. Besides the obvious physical benefits of yoga, I think the heat helps him to further flush out a body that has been bombarded with all manner of meds, drugs and toxic chemo. Part of the reasoning behind a heated yoga practice is to sweat hard to get rid of toxins that get stored in the muscles; I can’t even start to imagine what kind of residue the chemo alone has left in his body, never mind the other more exotic drugs (rabbit ATG, anyone?). I mean, bless the stuff, as we have a cancer-free Dennis standing before us today, but this particular course of treatment is sure as hell about as harsh as it gets. His eye issues continue to be an annoyance but again, in the scheme of things, it is nothing that can’t be dealt with. Basic fears of getting ill again remain, but that is understandable and expected – I don’t think he will ever be able to go through life without some paranoia always lurking in the back of his mind about getting sick (cold, flu, sore throat, etc.) and how his body will react if and when, and I stress the if because the man’s constitution never ceases to amaze me, that occurs. He tires easily, and one particularly busy day of yoga, errands, followed by dinner and the Celtics game, completely wiped him out for the next few days. This was a lesson to learn to slowly pace himself and make sure to allow for ample rest in any given day. Always, although we try to keep it deeply buried in the back of our minds, there exists the specter of the leukemia perhaps returning, but that is in no way under our control. Rest assured, we DO NOT live in a place where these fears rule our life, and we continue to appreciate and savor the blessing of his wellness with every day that passes.
Our best wishes to all for a healthy, joyful 2006. Our continued love, strength and survivor’s karma to our friends Tali, Evie and Melissa, who are home and in recovery after their transplants, and to Susan and Michael, who inspire and fill us with awe at their strength, determination and courage. Stay strong and may the winds soon point you home in renewed health. Always in love and and strong spirit. Debra

 

December 14, 2005
One Year Transplant Check Up
Family & Friends-
Today was Dennis’ one year transplant check up, and I found myself sitting in the waiting area at DFCI with a very wide range of emotions running ‘round my brain. First and foremost, was the indescribable gratitude of being able to sit there in recovery and wellness, one very long year later. While I never allowed myself to doubt that this day would happen, conversely, I also wouldn’t allow myself to overly visualize it either. For the past year, I have only lived in the present and in the day, so “one year from now” was not in my vocabulary, But I also sat there today dealing with an overwhelming amount of sadness, for all the people in that room who are just starting to deal with their own catastrophic illnesses, for my friends Michael and Melissa, who are in the midst of extremely challenging and difficult battles with their own transplants, and for the overall lack of compassion I often see these days when it comes to those who remain cold and clueless about anything out of their own lives and comfort zone. Strangely, in the end, I welcome that sadness as a sign of a lesson well learned; may I never allow myself to settle for anything ever remotely resembling complacency ever again.
So, we were there, we are home and all is well. Dennis continues to cope with the chronic issues of his stomach GvH, which still may eventually resolve itself, and his ocular GvH, which is, more than likely, here to stay. He is now completely off his anti-rejection meds, and has received the first in what will be a two year series of his childhood immunizations, along with both flu and pneumonia shots. A final (one can only hope) bone marrow biopsy completed today’s theme of man as human pincushion. We will be back in two months to receive the next few immunizations, and will probably go to a schedule of check ups once every 3 months through 2006 (his second year). Due to some ongoing focus and memory difficulties (which are actually starting to be clinically referred to as chemo brain, if you can believe it), and continued fatigue, Dr. Antin is recommending that Dennis wait another 6 months to a year before beginning to tackle the task of resuming a part-time work schedule. He will also continue to see a psychosocial oncologist (nifty title, eh?), who will work with him to address both the focus/memory and emotional issues that are part and parcel of cancer survivorship. Learning to move forward in life after any type, but particularly, this type of cancer experience, is a task in and of itself. While the majority of his confinement issues have been ‘officially’ lifted, he continues to be strongly cautioned to remain vigilant about overly crowded situations, which translates into eating out (when he’s ready) and seeing movies only during off peak hours. Something tells me we are about to turn into Florida-type, early bird dining alta cacas (old people in Yiddish, excuse the bad stab at spelling to those in the Yiddish know). It has been so long since we have been able to go out and about together, that I really don’t care where, when and at what time; I’m thrilled at the simple thought of going to the movies together again, even if it’s at 12:00 noon on a Tuesday!
Love. Support. Groceries. Dinner. Humor. Friendship. Advice. An Ear. A Shoulder. Your Time. Your Presence. Our thanks for all of this and the so much more that each of you are to each of us. As of Dennis continues to shine his light for all the world to see, live in the moment and love as hard as you can. Debra.

November 29, 2005 (less than one month to go)
O Persuasion:
For the first time in a long time, I found myself approaching our monthly appointment with a bit more trepidation than usual. Dennis had been markedly more tired in the last few weeks than I had seen him in quite some time, and I found myself counting the days to his appointment so we could check his blood work and rule out any kind of setback. While I’ve intellectualized never taking for granted that his disease could potentially reappear, this was the first time that I felt that unsettled feeling re-inhabit my bones. I have to continue to come to terms with the truth that complacency is not ever going to be part of our lives in regards to Dennis’ health. But, cutting to the chase, all was perfectly fine with his blood work and overall condition 11 months out from transplant. I guess his tiredness is one of those “hey, fatigue happens” kind of things, and is expected and part of the process. Though recovering nicely, his immune system is still not up to snuff, and it will probably be at least another 6 months to a year and two years of receiving all of his childhood inoculations all over again, before his immune system would be at a place that could be comfortably deemed close to normal. His latest chimerism shows both cords still completely active, with a slight edge to the Milanese one, and Dr. Antin does not expect that to change at any point. Interestingly, Dennis will probably remain forever unique among cord transplant patients in terms of retaining both cords. DFCI has concluded that cords that are too closely matched to one another run an unacceptable risk of both being potentially rejected, as opposed to just one specifically, so DFCI will no longer perform cord transplants with closely matched units. And so, our man has contributed to the betterment of transplant science, and has made the world a safer place for cord transplantees to be everywhere. Such a guy.
On another note, if I’ve learned anything from this past year, it is that love and positive energy exists to be passed forward; there genuinely is connectivity to all of this, and it is something worth making the effort to embrace. Our friend Michael just received his stem cells last night for a transplant that is even more experimental than Dennis’; our friend Tali received her transplant just last Wednesday, and our friend Melissa is about to re-enter the hospital to attempt yet another, more difficult transplant after receiving one that has failed to engraft. A circle is an unending and powerful thing, so I ask you to take just a quick moment and send some of the same love and healing energy their way that you called forth for Dennis. It will be felt and you do make a difference.
Our next appointment, on December 14th, marks the one year anniversary of Dennis’ transplant (the actual transplant date is the next day, December 15th). I am amazed and thankful (though never quite speechless), that this milestone is here. In many ways, I feel as if we’re just beginning to absorb and process all that has gone on in our lives this past year. I heard that theme song from ‘Rent’ the other day with the line ‘how do you measure a year in the life?’, and that just about sums up where I am at when I look back on this year. I truly don’t yet know how to make measure of this year, other than the physical proof that Dennis is alive and our family is together. But I do know what the word grateful means, and I live it fully every day. Debra.

October 31, 2005
Dose Digitally Diggin’ Dennis:
It seems like it’s been quite the long stretch from the last update to this one that’s unfolding before your very eyes. Much has happened, and this planet of ours is experiencing a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. Seemingly endless hurricanes, massive earthquakes, Harriet Miers (sorry … I can only hold it back for so long) … those who refuse to take responsibility spew endless talk of Armageddon and ‘the end of all things’. After watching Dennis go through massive hell to be here with us today, I can guarantee you that I ain’t gonna hear any end of the world talk; we have much to be living for and I appreciate every grimy, glorious moment of it. Grown-up people take care of their precious belongings, be they our partner-in-life, our children, our mortal coil bling or the planet that just happens to sustain our flawed ol’ selves. Mother Earth is one badass bitch when pissed (and I say that with all due respect, believe me – she’s my hero) and there are no do-overs on this one. Then again, there I am SUV’n and gas guzzlin’ with the best of ‘em ... Lord, it’s tough to be self righteously liberal and a tribal princess at the same time!
But I digress as I used to in the tough days thankfully past. On to the subject matter that never ceases to move and motivate, entertain and inspire…
Dennis’ appointments this week with Dr. Massaro (pulmonary) and Dr. Antin both went well. His counts are remain strongly normal and his skin GvH flare-up has cleared thanks to the steroid cream Dr. Antin prescribed. He still continues to be unique among transplant patients in terms of retaining both cords, and we will know the most up-to-date status of his girls (we even have Dr. Antin referring to his two cords thusly) within a week or two. His pulmonary issues continue to slowly improve with each visit, but he still needs to remain on his inhaler medication, especially with flu season approaching. He wears his contact lenses as much as he can tolerate them, considering that fogging remains an issue, and I think we realize that, for the time being, it’s about as good as it’s gonna get, occularly speaking. Dr. Rosenthal continues to improve and tweak the lenses, so Dennis will be the recipient of the latest and greatest technology as advances become available.
One thing that has really struck me as December’s end of confinement date draws near (hopefully), is the marked uptick I’ve been seeing in Dennis’ level of stress and anxiety. He has had difficulty focusing and concentrating probably for 7-8 months now, and while he has learned to cope within the contained environment of our house, the thought of re-entering the world at large is proving to be somewhat scary and overwhelming for him. While I have no first-hand experience with anyone who has served during wartime, it almost reminds me of what’s referred to as post-traumatic stress syndrome. Lord knows this past year has changed me irrevocably, so I can’t even begin to fathom the full brunt of what Dennis has been through emotionally. It is enormously challenging indeed to find your footing and a place in this world after a year like he’s had. Actually, I would venture to guess that the emotional stuff may be just starting to surface for him. When you are diagnosed with a form of cancer where the cure is as extreme as a transplant, you go into an instinctual survival/crisis mode that leaves little time for any emotional reaction or processing. All efforts are focused on walking out of the hospital alive and engrafted. He has been talking for several months now to a terrific social worker, who gave him a head’s up that this type of reaction was both common and expected, but that makes it no less difficult to deal with. At the recommendation of Dr. Antin, he made an appointment with a psychiatrist at DFCI who specializes in transplant patients, and will be working with her to begin to address and tackle these issues in a way that’s proving difficult without professional help. It’s all a reminder that although the most traumatic part of the transplant and its complications may be safely over, there are still many bends and twists that this road can and will take for years to come.
All other members of the Goodman/Ozer clan, both two-legged and four, are doing well and doing their thing, be it school, music, barkin’ at butterflies (Pyrenees will bark at an ant crawling on the floor 4 houses down, but get selectively deaf at ‘come!’ and ‘be quiet!’) or practicing yoga. We have had new friends come into our life who are facing transplants in the near future, and our love, prayers and good energy go out daily to Tali, Melissa, Michael and their families and caregivers; we are always holding you close in our hearts. A special shout-out to Sam B. for bringing joy to my mother’s world, and thus mine as well by osmosis (or oz-mosys, as Dennis and I used to spell it). Our Jewish New Year recently past was beautiful, spiritual and a time to reflect with compassion on both the year that was and the year yet to come. More significantly, it was a deeply meaningful,
personal time for those in the Ozer know to celebrate, offer thanks and meditate lovingly on he who remains the soul of our family and our lives. Viva 5766 (that’s in Jewish years, y’all); party on Dennis O! Debra.
“Sometimes things don’t go, after all, from bad to worse.
Some years, muscatel faces down frost, green thrives,
the crops don’t fail, sometimes a man aims high and all goes well.
A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest man, decide they care enough,
that they can’t leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they are born for.
Sometimes our best efforts do not go amiss;
sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.”
Sometimes – Sheenagh Pugh (deepest thanks to Rabbi Keith Stern of Temple Beth Avodah for the inspiration)

September 28, 2005
The Return of the Little Girl from Deutschland
Yo, Dennis Doters:
Dennis’ monthly appointment was terrific, uneventful and informative, all at the same time and not necessarily in that order. His blood counts were completely normal (normal equals perfection in our post-transplant world), including his hematocrit, which is the last indicator to fully recover after a transplant. Interestingly enough, his skin GvH has been flaring up on and off over the last few months, and it would seem that it’s directly attributable to the German cord making a very pronounced comeback. His latest chimerism, (the study that defines the genetic composition of his bone marrow), revealed that the two cords are now just about evenly split at approximately 48% German to 51% Milanese, so the GvH flare-ups make sense as the German cord has been markedly fluctuating and gaining a far stronger hold in his bone marrow. So, if there was any remaining doubt that only one cord would still come to dominate eventually, this latest chimerism has convinced us, medical personnel and civilians alike, that both cords are here to stay and will be equally vital to a healthy, long, cancer-free life for Dennis. To that I say amen, and amen once again.
As a whole, his health-related issues remain mercifully few and minor. The bronchiectasis cough has abated considerably, and I’m very thankful that he never picked up the strep virus that hit both kids a few weeks back. I suppose that speaks volumes about his new, improved immune system, courtesy of his chick cords, and allows me a small sigh of relief, although we remain ever vigilant to infection. The scleral contact lenses continue to provide some measure of relief for the GvH-related dryness in his eyes, but they are far from the ‘perfect’ solution. They fog up constantly, since he can’t produce the natural tears that function as a ‘windshield wiper’ to keep the fluid in the lenses’ reservoir clear and fog-free. But, in the end, they are helpful, and he continues to see and work with Dr. Rosenthal weekly in order to keep on top of the condition of his GvH, and to make adjustments as necessary.
In summary, we all continue to thrive and jive here in the House of O. The cool, fall days are magnificent, the Red Sox–Yankees thang has, inevitably, karmically, rolled around again, down to the wire as it always does, my mama has a new friend, and Tom Delay just got indicted, proving the existence of what I like to call my version of ‘intelligent design’ (I believe it’s called ‘justice’). We handle our stress here with attempts at minimal yelling, stabs at maximum compassion and the always persistent reminder, dwelling in our various gray matter, of this time last year and just how desolate our existence could have been had another, colder road, been placed in our path. L’shana tova to all our Jewish tribal members. Om shanti, digital clan. Debra.
‘Now the moon is almost hidden, the stars are beginning to hide
The fortunetelling lady has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel and the hunchback of Notre Dame
Everybody is making love or else expecting rain.
And the Good Samaritan, he’s dressing,
He’s getting ready for the show
He’s going to the carnival tonight on Desolation Row’
Desolation Row – Bob Dylan (yes, Dennis has seen the PBS special. He had actually purchased it on dvd before the special even aired.)

September 10, 2005
Pulmonary Update
Ozerly Ours:
Dennis had a terrific appointment with Dr. Massaro at DFCI on Thursday. He repeated the full battery of breathing tests that were initially administered several months ago and, this time, they were vastly improved. Additionally, Dr. Massaro repeated his chest cat scan, revealing that the signs of bronchiectasis were measurably diminished. That is very good news as the return to school has already produced its first ‘casuality’. Right on schedule it almost seems, Jake came down with a pukey stomach/sore throat bug, and was out of school for two days. But Dennis’ immune system seems fairly strong and resilient by now, so I don’t expect him to catch anything as a result.
Dennis also received his final pair of properly fitted lenses from Dr. Rosenthal, and is in the process of getting used to them and breaking them in. They are a world apart from conventional contact lenses, and the fact that his eyes do not produce any lubricating tears poses an ongoing challenge in terms of keeping them clear of foggy, protein build-ups. The things we take for granted!! But I expect that, after this initial adjustment period, they will provide a world of benefit by keeping his eyes moist, lubricated and comfortable. I keep thinking that, if this is the ‘worst’ of the aftereffects of the transplant, we can gladly deal with it!

On a completely different note, I need to rectify a faux pas I made in my last update. As you may have probably noticed if you read all the way through my missives, I love music and find it deeply comforting to find words composed by far greater poets than I to summarize the gist of what I write about in any given update (above and beyond Dylan as well). I’m very sensitive to crediting the correct songwriter to the lyrics quoted (no lawsuits for me), but I blew my perfect record last update with the lyrics from Louisiana 1927. This song was written and originally performed by the brilliant Randy Newman, not Aaron Neville. Aaron recently performed it on CNN’s mini-telethon, and I had that performance in mind when I later composed the update. I’ve quoted the second verse below, and it’s both truly chilling and all too predictable how we human beings consistently allow history to repeat itself, with ever more disastrous results. And religious creationists actually seek to promote something called ‘intelligent design’ in schools. Lordy be!
And, on that note, that is about all the medical update news from Goodman/Ozer world these days. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly 9 months can pass, and how much better our world looks at any given moment from this time last year. A pure definition of happiness can be an elusive thing in lives that are excessively crammed with over-achievement, over-work and the daily struggle to stay on the dictated path of the so-called American Dream. But, when you strip away all of the bullshit (and there is so much), surviving cancer the way Dennis has, and being alive to stand healthy in a beautiful New England fall, now there stands joy in its most intentional, authentic form. Breathtaking. Debra.
From Randy Newman’s lips to Dubya’s ears –
‘President Coolidge came down in a railroad train,
With a little fat man with a note pad in his hand.
The President say “Little fat man isn’t it a shame,
What the river has done to this poor crackers land?”
Louisiana, Louisiana,
They’re trying to wash us away, they’re trying to wash us away …
‘Louisiana 1927’ – Randy Newman
Extra Added Bonus Lyrics –
When the wind blows down this hard,
Many a bond is broken.
See the water lie on the ground
From where the heavens opened
Lord, how will you get through this night
With your dreams departed?
And who alone will comfort you?
Only the broken hearted.
‘Broken Hearted’ – Eric Clapton and Greg Phillinganes

September 4, 2005
Marked by Hurricane Katrina
Friends in O:
Where does one start, linguistically speaking, when faced with a catastrophe the level of which we all witnessed last week? People so often have said to me that Dennis’ illness and subsequent fight for recovery helped them put their own difficult times in perspective. Well, this past week put our lives, despite all that we have gone through in the past year, well into perspective, and again has driven home the tenuous quality of the word ‘fortunate’. For once, I will spare all of you the political assignations of blame that I, perhaps too often, throw around. There are many, far more qualified than I, who will assume that role in the days, weeks and months to come, as this massive failure is ripped apart and dissected. To do so would only belittle and demean a level of suffering that I can’t even, thank God, begin to relate to and, like most, thought nearly impossible to ever occur in the U.S. What an enormous betrayal of all that we have strived so hard to achieve.
Dennis continues recovering remarkably. Although it will still be quite some time before he is able to lead a normal ‘professional’ life, he has had his company, Depictives, moved to a Needham location literally right around the corner from our house. After a year of reconnecting with our children’s day-to-day in a manner in which our working lives never previously allowed, we are determined to keep family front and center, and will stay close as, for the first time ever, we will not be enlisting the aid of a nanny or babysitter in their care. Of course, we are tremendously fortunate (there’s that word again) to have an unparalleled support system in my mother. I honestly don’t believe that I would have survived this last year with my sanity and compassion intact if not for her. We are never too old to need our mother’s love and nurturing! I will also stay close at hand and continue to work out of the house, and do not anticipate returning to an office environment on a full time basis. I am deeply blessed to have phenomenal support in my Customer Service Coordinator, Kristen and in my Production Manager, Glen, at DGI-Invisuals. They have allowed me to make Dennis and the kids my guilt-free priority as I have endeavored to function professionally from home.
On the Ozer medical front, Dennis continues to work with Dr. Perry Rosenthal to fit his contact lenses so that they are comfortable and beneficial as intended, and he will have a pulmonary check-up this Thursday to ascertain the condition of the bronchiectasis. With cold and flu season fast approaching, it becomes imperative to keep this well under control. The kids and I will also do our part by getting flu shots as soon as they become available, and continuing to make hand-washing THE cool, extreme sport here in our neighborhood.
At this point, with the end of the month marking Dennis’ ninth month post-transplant, we don’t anticipate any momentous medical happenings as we approach that December 15th one year anniversary. I honestly take absolutely nothing for granted, and never will, but I can just as sincerely admit that we in Goodman/Ozer world do breathe ever so slightly easier these days, and it ain’t just from our yoga!! Breathing and bowing. Debra.
‘What has happened down here, is the winds have changed,
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain.
It rained real hard, and it rained for a real long time,
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline.
The river rose all day, the river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood, some people got away all right
The river had busted through, clear down to Placker Mine
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline.
Louisiana, Louisiana, they’re trying to wash us away,
They’re trying to wash us away ……
‘Louisiana 1927’ – Aaron Neville

August 23, 2005
8 Month Well Dennis Check Up
Opportunistically Ozer:
We can sum up today’s appointment at DFCI in one short, yet very sweet sentence: rock solid blood counts. Our appointments are becoming so blissfully uneventful that Dennis is going into Jewish kvetch mode in an attempt to fill up the time and bask longer in the medicinal presence of Dr. Antin and Toni Dubeau, magnificent Empress of Transplant Coordinators. To that happy end, I have nothing really new to report. They did draw enough blood today for another chimerism study (which determines what percentage of the two cords comprise his immune system), so we should know in about 2 weeks whether Germany continues her squatter status in his bone marrow, which I suspect will be the case. They will not perform another bone marrow biopsy (unless some unforeseen medical change requires it), until Dennis’ one year post-transplant anniversary, sometime after December 15th. So, all indicators continue to point to a flourishing, growing, recovering immune system, which makes for a very happy Ozer Nation indeed.
Since we had time left after our appointment, we decided to stop by Brigham and Women’s Hospital to visit floors 5B, the oncology floor during Dennis’ induction chemo treatment and 4C, his transplant floor, whose blueprint and layout will remain forever embossed on my brain. I still feel as if I could do that ‘long walk’ from DFCI to B&WH in my sleep, but was oh so nicely surprised when we began the trot down the remembered drab beige halls, only to see the walls covered in a gorgeous sky blue, with life-size birds of every imaginable species carrying herbs and medicinal plants in their beaks, being brilliantly hand-painted on the long wall surfaces. The flooring had been colorfully changed out to match the mural work, and curved, pale gray lighting fixture panels on the ceiling, threw soft, muted light onto those passing through. It was truly outstanding, and I had to stop to let the artists, still diligently at work finishing the remaining hallways, know how much their efforts will impact the people who will walk those hallways, several times a day for weeks, and, sometimes, months, in every conceivable emotional state. Trust me, those hallways were fairly depressing and somewhat spooky, especially in the evening, when you’re heading back to the DFCI parking garage after a draining day of watching your loved one go through all sorts of transplant-related hell. Way to go, B&W; we are just all about renovations here at Ozer Fan Club Central!
Meanwhile, I of course realize that our digital-graphics-employed readership is cringing at the mere mention of old school paint and brush versus genuine 3M vinyl/wallpaper product. Therefore, graphics girls and boys, you will be happy and proud to know that our hero did indeed point out to these poor, young artists, there for hours on end with paint palette and bird photographs in hand, copying ornithological minutia under harsh staging lights, that it would have been far more economical to produce the birds avec Illustrator, Photoshop and digitally-produced wall covering. Yes, the King o’Vinyl has your back!
Once at our ultimate destination, we had a chance to see Colm on 5B and Soheir on 4C, both of whom kvelled mightily over and ran their fingers through the dark, Spielberg-esque curly locks. I think they were both blown away by how incredible Dennis looked, especially Soheir who only ever saw him thin, gaunt and bald. Though Dennis was far from his most healthy and radiant self when he started induction chemo, he still entered the hospital at a normal weight and with some semblance of hair, albeit shaved. I have to say, there was something especially meaningful about having Soheir see him strong and in recovery, and it was a blessing, in and of itself, to just see and hug her again. She will always be my own personal angel whenever my mind drifts back to the experience of the transplant and Studio 54. Her beautiful, calm countenance and loving spirit was my oasis of calm during the most frightening moments of the transplant protocol. Best of all, after our welcoming visit, we got to turn around, leave, and go home to our life, in health and in contentment. My heart, my spirit, my prayers go out to the patients and families that were behind those closed doors with the caution signs today on floor 4C. We are part of a fraternity of extraordinary miracles, in the human beings and medicine that comprises this place of vulnerability, sometimes pain but, ultimately, recovery and healing. Our love, also, to the staff at B&WH and DFCI that we missed at today’s visit, but are, forevermore, in our Ozer Nation Hall of Fame – Kathleen and Lisa on 5B and Deborah Yolin, Kendra Church, Daria and Robin on 4C.
In other medical news, Dennis continues the fitting process for his contact lenses, although his eyes continue to feel mightily improved ever since the puncta plugs came out; I do believe that our Mass Eye & Ear days are officially over. The bronchial cough is still hanging in stubbornly, but we have an appointment with Dr. Massaro on September 8 and will keep on top of it until it’s under control. Boys are great, school beckons on the 30th (another summer gone), fall is soon upon us (my favorite season), finally, someone is protesting the war (had to say it), the Red Sox are in 1st place and Bronte is on the mend, so, as those T shirts with the stick figures so aptly put it, life is good. Rejoicing in life’s average joe rhythms. Debra.

August 20, 2005
Anniversary Shout Out
Ozer-ly Attuned:
Dennis received a package today with a letter and some CDs from one of the many terrific people who worked for us when our company, Invisuals, was still operating. She started the letter by saying ‘What a difference a year makes’ (thanks Kathie O. and congratulations on your beautiful baby boy!). Yes it has indeed been a year to the day when we walked into Dr. Stone’s office at Dana Farber and received the news that Dennis had leukemia. When I check the site, my ‘Letter From Debra’ is dated August 20, 2004, marking the first time that this digital scribe hit the internet T1-waves. As I sat outside today watching Dennis and the boys play basketball, LaBronte by my side (her leg is doing just fine, thanks to all who have asked), I realized how profoundly fortunate we are, were and continue to be, and how genuinely sacred each day is that passes our American nuclear family unit’s way. I find tremendous joy and laughter in the moments we all spend together and in every second we‘re granted in the Dennis zone (and this after 8 months of extreme togetherness!). The time will always remain in my mind when I actually had to deal with the possibility of our life without his endlessly inspiring, frantic, fun, fabulous presence, so we all work extra hard to hold him near, safe and hopefully very distant from any place other than close to those who love him. All is well; stay tuned for more after Tuesday’s appointment. Having an Ozer Moment. Debra

August 10, 2005
Eye Appointment, The Sequel
Followers of O:
And so our hero went to see Dr. Rosenthal for his follow-up appointment to get fitted for his contact lenses. As those of you who wear contact lenses probably know, the first time someone sticks those little pieces of plastic into your eyes, it feels strange and far from comfortable. Even if you’ve been chained to coke bottle glasses your whole life (like yours truly), it’s still difficult to really enjoy the freedom of seeing your eyes unencumbered for the first time. You’re too busy tearing up like crazy and feeling like something is stuck in your eye; it takes awhile to get adjusted to the point of not noticing that they’re there at all. Throughout the transplant and its accompanying miseries, Dennis has always been beyond stoic; in comparison with the worst of the nausea and the gastro issues, his ocular GvH has been low on the totem pole of pain and discomfort. Thus, the normal person may have been squealing their ass silly complaining about the dryness and pain in their eyes, but at least in my assessment, he puts it all into perspective and perceives it as a fairly minor irritation in the overall scheme of things. Meanwhile, I think Dr. Rosenthal and his assistant (who does most of the fitting), are used to patients with severe, searing ocular pain, who instantly raise their hands in praise and shout hosannahs to the sky when the lenses are placed in for the first time, because the relief can actually be that immediate for them (I mean absolutely no disrespect to any of these patients when I say this, by the way. When you are in that much pain, that kind of reaction to the lenses is completely understandable and warranted). However, with Dennis, he found that the weird, highly uncomfortable feeling of having a foreign body in his eye seemed to be grabbing his attention more so than the let up of the severe dryness that accompanied the insertion of the lenses, a factoid that he kept mentioning to Dr. Rosenthal when asked about his level of relief. Unfortunately, this served to annoy Dr. Rosenthal, as did the problems his assistant was having fitting a lens to Dennis’ left eye, prompting much harumphing and a proclamation of “Maybe your suffering is not enough to warrant my contact lens device”. Now, our ever-tolerant hero would say to me “Aw, don’t make a big thing of it; they’re nice people and they didn’t mean it like it sounded”, but, one of these days, I am going to slap the shit out of one of these doctors so they have a clue about just how obnoxious and inappropriate they can sound. Excuse the venting ala bad language, but Lordy, it sure gets difficult sometimes not to get a bit self righteously outraged. Amazing how ones’ opinion can change in a week; either that, or I’m getting schizophrenic in my old age. The warts and all truth, folks – that’s what you get when you visit dennisozer.com - LOL! But, the moral of the story is, Dennis was ultimately fitted for the lenses (turns out his left eye is not symmetrical to his right, thus the fitting problem) and, hopefully, they will provide the proper measure of relief to ease his exact amount of personal ocular sufferage (yes, I know this word is somewhat ‘made up’ but, believe me, it makes sense right now).
All else in Ozer/Goodman world is as it should be. Dog is healing, man is on the mend, boys are healthy, my mother is good. Therefore, all is right with the world in our house (I can’t say all is right with the world in general, as war, terrorism, right wing conservatives and George W. Bush still stalk the corridors and haunt my dreams). But, good health and my family is my simple but beautiful formula for happiness these days and I fully delight in sharing it all with you. Digitally diligent. Debra.

August 2, 2005
Ocular GvH Update
One Nation Under O:
After a Monday that included Bronte tearing her anterior cruciate ligament (doggy ACL), requiring major restorative surgery, and Jakob getting whacked in the head with a stick during Lacrosse camp (he’s just fine, but notice the order in which I reported these events), I found myself approaching Dennis’ eye doctor appointment with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. What a total pleasure it was meeting Dr. Perry Rosenthal, founder of the Boston Foundation for Sight and the Scleral Contact Lens that will, more than likely, become the answer to Dennis’ ocular GvH woes. Wonderful staff, terrific bedside manner, quiet, private practice, and a two minute ride from our house to his office which just can’t be beat. Interestingly enough, his first suggestion was to remove the four puncta plugs since, despite the sound theory behind their insertion, it was his experience that they often end up creating an entirely new set of problems. Upon some detailed questioning by him, we realized that Dennis’ eyes were far more uncomfortable-feeling with the plugs in place, so, out they all came. Dennis’ eyes instantly felt markedly better, and Dr. Rosenthal suggested allowing them to rest for a week on the outside chance that they might not require further intervention. But despite this small step in the right direction, he was of the opinion that, in the long run, Dennis would still end up needing his Scleral Lenses in order to avert further difficulties. With no lubricating tear production at all, and extreme surface dryness that is visibly noticeable upon examination, it’s only a matter of time before the ocular GvH results in major problems for him. We’re scheduled to go back next Tuesday for a re-check and for what I feel will probably end up being the initial fitting for the lenses (a time-consuming, multi-visit process). Meanwhile, being the information hound that I am, our visit motivated me to do some further research on Dr. Rosenthal, and he truly is both a brilliant researcher and a remarkable, giving human being. His foundation is doing invaluable, cutting edge work and his achievements are numerous and the very definition of innovative. As a non-profit organization, he provides the Foundation’s services at no cost to patients who are in financial need; no one is ever turned away due to lack of funds. To put this in perspective, Blue Cross, Blue Shield is THE only provider who has agreed to provide full fee coverage for the lenses and their associated fitting services, and this just since the spring of 2005. I strongly encourage you to visit his website, www.bostonsight.org, to learn more about the foundation and this extraordinary man. We so often debate what particular qualities best embody the ideal of the words ‘hero’ and ‘role model’; I would venture to say that Dr. Rosenthal humbly conducts his life and his work exemplifying the epitome of both.
Other than our eye update, all continues onward and upward. Dennis is feeling well overall, looks great and continues to gain healthy weight and muscle mass through yoga, strength training, speed walking and his long walks with LaBronte Arroyo, which will now, unfortunately, have to be curtailed as she heals and does her own physical therapy for the next 3-4 months (you may be thinking “like she really needed this?”, but I love my dog and would move mountains for her!). Our next appointment with Dr. Antin is at the end of the month, so I’m sure more fascinating bone marrow news will be forthcoming at that time. Meanwhile, I continue to take care of Dennis, his two girls, our two boys and Bronte, the Gimpy Girl, so boredom and lack of stimulation never rears its’ ugly head in my world! The scenery shifts and is ever changing, but as long as it continues to bring a healthy Dennis (and Bronte’s leg heals well), I can deal. Always Debra, defender of man/girl, boy, and canine.
‘Let's go raise a toast to the days ahead
You can't take it with you when you're dead
You might as well enjoy it now instead
So, live it up, we can go crazy
Live it up, you and me baby
Live it up, live it up, live it up
We're flying high, don't wanna come down
We'll let 'em know, all over town and
Live it up, live it up, live it up’
John Legend – (you guessed it) ‘Live it Up’

July 25, 2005
Monthly Appointment(s)
O-Zoners:
We had our 7 month visit with Dr. Antin on Wednesday, and all continues remarkably well. Dennis blood counts remain on pointe and we truly could not ask for better progress. The whole process will never lose its sheen of the miraculous for me, and I send a prayer up to whatever supreme power makes our brains capable of discovering and implementing such way strong good medicine. Dennis still continues to present both cords and it looks like he may be the first double-cord transplant patient to remain that way permanently. Dr. Antin has been doing his researchin’ thang since our last appointment, and has figured out that the two cords are so closely matched to one another (they are a 4 out of 6 match to Dennis, but a 5 out of 6 match to each other), that neither cord is capable of completely dominating and eradicating the other. According to Dr. Antin, they are the two most closely matched pair of cords that they have ever transplanted with, as most cords are a 4 out of 6 match to each other, and the result seems to be an immune system comprised of the best of both cords. So, while the Milan cord continues to be the stronger of the two, the German cord will continue to play its part in keeping Dennis healthy and disease-free. I welcome both of his girls with open arms, lots of fun bling and a Neiman Marcus credit card.
Although his ocular GvH hasn’t become notably worse, it still remains a continuing problem. The majority of the puncta plugs that were inserted last time for tear retention have dropped out (which is common for a transplant patient), and his eyes continue to be extremely dry, leaving him open to greater risk of infection and vision complications. The puncta plugs were replaced yet again, but they may have to step up treatment to something more aggressive (cauterization of the puncta tubes) if the majority of the plugs don’t remain in place between now and our next appointment in 3 months. Since the word ‘cauterization’ never evokes warm, happy feelings, we may seek a second opinion with another ophthalmologist who specializes in ocular GvH, and has created a custom contact lens of sorts that works by keeping the surface of the eye lubricated. Bonus brownie points: this doctor happens to be located locally in Needham, and is in private, versus clinic, practice. Whether we will be able to skip to the contact lens stage without first following the progression of the cauterization step will remain to be seen when we have our appointment.
The bronchiectasis has started to improve slightly. With a few more strategic tweaks of his medications, Dr. Massaro hopes to control it to a point where it is no longer an issue and Dennis’ persistent cough subsides completely. Although the condition is often chronic, unlike the ocular GvH, it can resolve itself over time and, hopefully, with closely monitored treatment, it will do just that.
On a personal note, we picked up the offspring from camp on Sunday, so we anticipate our days of slug-like laziness will become fast and furious once again until school time rolls back around. We tried to offload them at their overnight camp for the rest of the summer, but they just weren’t havin’ it (such good parents, huh?!). In keeping with the cyclical nature of these things, the days keep coming and roll away to the next one; and we here, in the Ozer/Goodman household that often feels as if it houses a newborn, cherish each one that does its thing without incident or trauma. As I type this, my friend Evie is just about to receive her donor stem cells on floor 4C at Brigham and Women’s; I wish her Godspeed on her journey to wellness and swift wings for those stem cells to speedily find their way to her bone marrow. Thanks and blessings to our family, friends, doctors, healers and community for our 7 months past and each sacred tick of the clock to come. This world of ours often brings me to the depths (we shoot to kill, then say “oops, my bad” when we get the wrong guy), but I look at Dennis, get very humbled, and know it’s always worth opening your heart with passion and caring enough to engage in the moment and the fight when you are called. Live with honor y’all. Debra

July 9, 2005
Summer Minions:
And, so the offspring have made the pilgrimage to overnight camp and are no longer, at least temporarily, in our midst. We have received our first communiqués from both of our heir apparents; Adam’s in particular feels like it’s straight out of ‘Things to Say to Parents While Away at Camp 101’. Thus follows the text of his first ‘letter’: “Having fun at camp. Hope to see you soon (like he won’t?). See you later.” I grieve that out of my florid, verbose, overly descriptive, yet highly imaginative loins, came this. I have much work to do.
Dennis continues to flourish although the week since the kids have departed the Needham coil has left us both low on energy and in need of sleep. Of course, not understanding psychiatry like Tom Cruise, I can only postulate that the past year has had a major cumulative effect on us, both physically and emotionally, and it’s all hitting us now that we have the downtime to let it. So, since the time presents itself to be able to fully relax without deadlines and destinations, we are taking full advantage, resting mightily, doing little and giving in to our inner-coach potato slugs. All of Dennis’ GvH remains well under control and we haven’t had any flare-ups of the existing conditions or anything that might be categorized as new. Meanwhile, the hair keeps growing, his strength keeps returning and progress is steady and apparent to all. I think, in some ways, the next 6 months will be the most difficult for him. With his increased strength and energy, has come the temptation to break out of his suburban purgatory and venture to exotic locations that are still, for all intents and purposes, verboten. It has become all the more challenging to remind him that, although he feels well, it’s still not okay to visit places indoors at any length. He still needs to remain limited to our house and fast jaunts to pick up meds or emergency items (ex: cream for coffee) only when necessary (as in when Debra’s not around). Luckily, along with summer, comes that grand old tradition of the outdoor barbecue, so we have been able to get him out and amongst humans at several ‘cues that we’ve been invited to recently (my thanks to the Solomonts’ and the Coblenzs’). I’m venturing out on work appointments and to dinner/lunch/brunch/concerts with friends with greater frequency but, as much as I love my posse, I miss going out with Dennis and it’s strange to go to a party/social engagement and not have him at my side. He is, after all, the life of any party, and I always feel like the poor substitute off the bench who knows he can never equal the reception that LeBron James or Shaq would have received. Sometimes only a sports analogy can express the pain as it’s felt at the moment!
Our next appointments with Team Dennis, (Dr. Antin and our beloved Transplant Coordinator Toni Dubeau; Dr. Massaro in Pulmonary and Dr. He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless at ME&E), takes place on July 20th and 21st, so no real medical news until then. We just groove on the offspring-less dog days of summer, lavish all of our attention on Bronte, watch much baseball, gnash our teeth and bite our nails at the news politique each night (Sandra Day O’Connor – how could you?) and hope against hope that someday, George W. might get a clue (one might call that living in a fantasy world). Lastly, for those of you who turn blue (or should I say red?) from my political espousements, lighten up. I always save ‘em for the end and I don’t post nearly as frequently! So chiz-ill (as Snoop would say), soak up the sun in all your SPF 30 glory and set your summer sails. Debra.
**** Remembering my father, Herbert, who passed away 6 years ago today, we celebrate his life and honor his memory by living each day with joy, integrity, humor and love. You will always be my main man, Dad.****

June 21, 2005
June’s Monthly Appointment
Those in the Ozer Way:
All news is good news in your place for all things O. Today’s appointment was uneventful which, in the world of cancer and transplants, translates to very good indeed. All of his blood work continues to hold steady and present normally, and the GvH-related issues, while annoying, are under control and considered minor in the scheme of things. Defying all odds, our German cord continues to burrow in and exhibit that good ol’ German obstinacy, and has actually gained a percentage point or two in the ratio battle with Milan. It’s starting to look like Dennis may permanently become one of a kind in the world of double-cord stem cell transplants (only about 200 strong worldwide) by having the only immune system comprised of two different cords. Dennis, Milan and Germany all living in harmony doing the bone-marrow tango – can you say schizophrenia? I mean was always hoping to find a male who had the manly-man testosterone thing going on, but could also offer nurturing and support just like my grrrlllfriends. The lengths we women will go to fulfill our selfish needs! Additionally, in cellular analysis news, it seems that our lone male cell has fled the scene or been forced to evict the premises so, in summary, our man is all woman 24/7. Almost gives you the shivers, doesn’t it?
In the world of proselytizing, have I mentioned recently that Dennis would be in a very bad place right now if not for the resolute brilliance of the great minds and researchers at Dana Farber? Without launching into one of my famous, fearful lectures, I would just like to let our Digital Illuminati know that the annual Pan-Mass Challenge ride is coming up in August. Our friends Jack Ford and Amy MacDougall will be riding and raising money for Dana Farber to fund the research that helped Dennis and will continue to help thousands in their battles with cancer. For those of you who are not familiar with the PMC, the following will give you a brief synopsis of the ride and it’s goals:
‘The PMC, presented by the Boston Red Sox, is the nations first fundraising bike-a-thon and today raises more money than any other athletic fundraising event in the country. It is also the most cost efficient. With nearly 97 cents of each dollar raised going directly to the Jimmy Fund, the PMC has contributed more than $122 million to lifesaving cancer care and research at Dana Farber Cancer Institute since its 1960 inception. On August 6 and 7, 2005, nearly 4,000 cyclists will travel six different routes, logging between 89 and 192 miles over one or two days, through 46 scenic Massachusetts towns from Sturbridge and Wellesley to Bourne and Provincetown. Their goal will be to raise $21 million. For more information about the PMC, call 800-WE-CYCLE or visit www.PMC.org.’
Although both Jack and Amy ride each year in tribute to many loved ones and to find a cure for all, they will be riding this year in particular in tribute to Dennis. As I have said to both of them personally, deep blessings often come from a place of tremendous pain. Their love, support and friendship during our most difficult and lonely times was immeasurable and they are both a precious blessing in our lives. As you read these updates and appreciate all that Dennis has meant in your lives, please consider a donation in his honor to either Amy or Jack, and be a part of the miracle that is the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. To donate –
1. Go to the PMC website, www.PMC.org
2. Click on the ‘eGifts’ button in the top left corner
3. Type in either ‘Amy MacDougall’ or ‘John Ford’ (please note that Jack’s profile is listed under ‘John Ford’ NOT ‘Jack Ford’) to bring up their profiles.
4. Click ‘Add Rider’ to add their name to your donation list.
5. Follow directions from there to donate by credit card.
6. Should you wish to make your donation in tribute to Dennis (or anyone for that matter), please feel free to do so in the section provided in the online form. If you would also like to let us know that you made a donation, our address is: 34 William Street, Needham MA 02494. The PMC will send us a letter acknowledging your donation and we will love and appreciate you even more than we do already!
In other Goodman/Ozer news, Adam and Jakob are through with school for the year and are headed off to overnight camp at the end of the month. It’s been a hell of a year for all of us and I’m glad they’ll have the chance to run wild and do the camp thing. Dennis and I will also appreciate the ‘alone time’ and I will definitely groove on the feeling of having a break from the after school activities shuffle. Yes, summertime is a beautiful thing. And so we roll into the next season, life is good and0, as a friend of mine so eloquently put it just recently, despite it all, I still can’t wait to see what’s thrown at me when I round the next bend. L’Chaim, baby. Debra.

June 13, 2005
Those in the Ozer Know:
All continues on the onward and upward path for he of the curly black hair and sensitive temperament. We have rashes, eye issues and coughs, but it is all minor, manageable and still feels like a miracle as each day passes relatively uneventful and with continued good health. We had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Massaro in pulmonary last week, and the bronchiectasis remains present, but definitely more stable. His breathing tests, while still not quite back to normal levels, has improved since our last visit, and the follow-up CAT scans revealed no evidence of pneumonia or serious infection. Dr. Massaro upped the amount of steroid in the inhaler a bit, prescribed Claritin for some post nasal drip and expects that the bronchiectasis will be fully under control by our next visit in 6 weeks. Next up is Dr. Antin on the 21st.
Our friend Jay Feinberg from the Gift of Life came to Boston with Barby Sloven (GOL’s Associate Director and dog lover supreme) to oversee work for his umbilical cord storage facility in Worcester and to pay a visit to both Evie and Dennis. Evie, Sari and I joined them for dinner and then, since Dennis was obviously unable to join us, Jay and Barby traveled to the lovely suburbs of Needham to meet him at the house. Jay had met Dennis in his hospital room while he was undergoing the initial round of induction chemo, but Dennis was extremely sick and drugged-up on that day and could barely recall the meeting. Barby’s only exposure to Dennis was from a tape we made for the GOL gala that I attended, where I did all the talking and he sat there staring into the camera, blinking blankly (got quite the laugh from those at the Gala who saw it, he did). So, somewhere along the way, they got the misconception that our O was a ‘quiet, shy kinda guy’ and I realized these poor, unsuspecting people had really never been, and were about to get, exceedingly, utterly Ozer-ized (an experience so many of us will recall with the warm fuzzies). I did warn them of the true nature of the Ozer during the ride to the house, but it is something that can only be fully understood when viewed and experienced in all its 3-D, live-in-the-flesh glory. Beyond their Ozer-expozure, I was so pleased that Jay and Dennis had the opportunity to sit down, talk and compare, 6 months post-transplant. Jay is one of the most remarkable human beings I know and the impact of his work is immeasurable, but even more than that, he is a huge inspiration to us and, as a 10 year transplant survivor, represents Dennis’ future (God willing) more than anyone else we have met throughout this experience. The post transplant complications and GvH of an umbilical cord transplant is comparable to those of the 5 out of 6 antigen, mismatched transplant that Jay underwent. When they compared notes, there were indeed a lot of similarities (stomach GvH, skin rashes, etc). It gave us hope for what Dennis could expect several years down the road in regards to both the obvious – survivial – and the possibility of eventual resolution of the chronic GvH issues. While both of us tend to live very much in the moment and refuse to obsess about any major life projections (no 5 year business plans here), our life is still brought to you by the power of hope and Jay represents 10 years of it made real. And that, my friends and family, is what it’s all about and about all we can ask for on any given day. So, until you next stroll in our digital direction …. keep it real and show your love to those who make it real for you. Debra.
****** Welcome to the world Emma Alana*******

June 3, 2005
Greetings O Municipality:
All is well here in the land of Ozer/Goodman a few days after celebrating Dennis’ 57th. As it’s difficult to go out and party with a transplant patient, we just had a mellow good time at home as a deliriously happy, nuclear-type suburban family unit. If you ask me, biased though I may be, he is one amazing, splendiferous 57 year old and is looking mighty damn fine in all his curly-headed glory! Click here (ain’t technology marvelous?) to view the latest, greatest pics of our wonder man; I slaved long and hard applying cutting edge lighting effects to get them curls to really pop off the screen and into your house; be sure to ooh and aah accordingly and let your hair envy all hang out!
We ended up making an unplanned visit to DFCI this morning to investigate a strange rash that I first noticed last Thursday and is stubbornly refusing to go away. It looks like it is, once again, GvH related but nothing to be overly concerned about, and might actually be representing the last stand of Germany, as they often see a GvH rash flare-up when one cord is ready to follow its domination destiny (how very Star Wars), take over 100% and kick the other cord to the curb. We should know for sure if he is pure Milano at our next appointment on June 21st, when they will have the chimerism labs back that provide that particular information. Meanwhile, we did get the results of the latest bone marrow biopsy as long as we were there, and his bone marrow is clean, in remission and totally clear of any evidence of leukemia or myelodysplasia. As much as I expect that each biopsy will yield happy results, each time we receive positive news it’s like New Year’s, Chanukah and Easter (we embrace all denominations here at Ozer Nation) all over again. But my favorite new Dennis and The New Immune System factoid learned today is the revelation, via biopsy, that his bone marrow is currently populated by 199 female cells and 1 stubborn little male cell, that we are assuming is from Brooklyn, who’s hanging on the stoop, listening to the Mets game on his transistor radio, and is generally bringing down the value of the neighborhood. But the girls ruIe, and I observe the woman in him coming out daily in many unique and fulfilling ways as he postulates on his new and different hair (he has noticed, and I quote, “that the natural oils of his hair enhances the definition of his curls”), asks me, sometimes obsessively, if he’s getting fat, and gets pissy and withdrawn when he feels we are not sensitive to his needs and moods. Yes folks, Bronte and I are no longer the only bitches in town; can PMS be far behind? In other GvH news, the new eye drops have brought the ocular GvH under control and the bronchiectasis has its days, but also seems better overall. We will see Dr. Massaro (our pulmonary pal) next Thursday to confirm that all is well, bronchially speaking, and will see snippy eye doctor man at ME&E on the 20th to follow up on his eyes. We are just too, too booked.
And some good news from those in our direct Ozer/Goodman orbit. Dana Farber and Gift of Life have found a spot-on, 12 antigen adult match for my friend Evie. She was so very fortunate to have a tremendous pool of healthy potentials from which to choose, and the very first person contacted not only fit the bill perfectly, but was honored and eager to be a donor. It would seem that Evie’s predecessors somehow boarded the right DNA boat when they left the old country and, although she herself is special and unique beyond description, her tissue type turned out to be Jewishly common and easy to match. Wherefore our Dennis that he stands so unique among the populace of his tribe? Someday I am determined to do a genealogical study of both sides of his clan and find out who hooked up with whom that was big, bad and verboten in those long ago days, or if the Holocaust, one of the world’s greatest tragedies, severed bloodlines that were crucial to Dennis, centuries later, finding a lifesaving match among his people. This project, of course, will be added to the to-do list along with the book so many of you suggested I write from this experience, the guitar lessons I’ve been meaning to take so I can learn to play slide guitar like Lowell George and Bonnie Raitt, the jewelry making classes I need to take so Sari and I can save some major bucks by developing our own line of fabulous bling, and the sky diving lessons I want to sign up for so, just once in my life, I can fly in reality and not only in my mind and in my dreams. But alas, time is a slippery little mofo so, for now, I will settle for getting some laundry done and leave you, the Dennis municipality, free of political sturm and drang, and always fully loved and appreciated by yours truly and those that are, forever and always, truly mine. Seize your dreams and fly above it all. Debra.

May 24, 2005
6 Month Post-Transplant Anniversary
DTO Delegates:
If I were you, I would be thanking the 14 very valiant Senate souls who worked long and hard (at least for them) to come up with a compromise to Bill Frist’s fillibuster vote. They have thus avoided a devastating chapter in American history and, even more importantly, spared you, the Ozer-loving minions, much painful misuse of your Dennis minutes by yours truly, wailing, moaning and generally opining on this sorry almost-turn-of-events. You have been spared… for now.
Today’s 6 month appointment at DFCI was filled with laughter and continuing good news. Boys and girls, I cannot even begin to tell you how good it feels to be at DFCI and to be laughing – the memory of tears and disbelief will always remain all too fresh in my mind. Dennis’ counts continue to climb and to elicit ‘oooh’s’ and ‘ahhh’s’ from Dr. Antin. Both cords continue to express themselves, though our Milanese one is clearly dominating. The man looks simply fab and his curly black locks and multitudinous facial hair draws comments from those at DFCI who know what the before picture looked like – follicularly speaking, that is. The bone marrow biopsy that was performed today should detail some further information regarding his new immune system as well as confirm that the Leukemia and Myelodysplasia are completely eradicated. As good as the blood work is, the times when we have to wait for biopsy results are always nerve- wracking. If I have one mantra these days (other than that tired old chestnut ‘one day at a time’) it’s that I take nothing, nada, zero, zilch, gornisht (nothing in Yiddish), for granted. Mmm, mmm, mmm, cancer can sho’ turn you into one big, walking cliché!
All of that positive news being said, there are continuing GvH issues which appear to be chronic in nature, since they are occurring more than 100 days post transplant. Acute GvH usually occurs within the first 100 days post transplant, and is infinitely more dangerous than anything that we are seeing almost 6 months out. But, in particular, the GvH in his eyes is proving to be a challenge to bring under control. His follow-up appointment last week at Mass Eye and Ear (hereafter referred to as ME&E) found the GvH a bit worse (eyes drier, scratchier, etc. and more susceptible to infection) necessitating another set of punctual plugs and enough eye drops to flood the Sahara. Unfortunately, this seemed to result in mucho tear overproduction, resulting in inflamed, puffy eyes and a crusty kinda thing going on in his right eye that brought me right back to my childhood conjunctivitis days. Dr. Antin took one look and, as opthomology is not his specialty, sent us back to ME&E that very same day. So, off D & D went, back to ME&E that self same afternoon, where the doctor (he shall remain nameless), seemed all peeved and highly agitated to see Dennis back so soon. He was very snappy, condescending and short, giving us a repeat performance of the snooty MD attitude that we encountered at our first ME&E visit (I doth detect a pattern here), when all we were seeking was, A) a happy medium between extreme dry eye and endless moisture flow and B) confirmation that his eye was not infected (it was not, thankfully). Geez, the nerve of us. To the doctors in the audience tonight, I ask you - what’s the deal with this? I know you are busy, in demand, highly educated people, but we too are busy in our own way and are deserving of respect and a sympathetic ear when we come to you for guidance and a cure for our ills. It’s your job and you are paid to do it. I’m sure clinic environments are stressful, but it was your choice of profession and position, so get over yourself, dammit!
Meanwhile, on the pulmonary front, the brochiectasis seems to have calmed down somewhat since we saw Dr. Massaro, the pulmonary specialist at DFCI, who prescribed an inhaler with a mild steroid that seems to be doing the trick. Dr. Massaro, by way of comparison, was a total sweetheart, enormously helpful and equally informative with zero, nada, zilch, gornisht DT (Doctor Tude). Since the brochiectasis is also chronic, it’s highly comforting to know that the medical professional who you may have to interact with for many, many years to come, is professional, knowledgeable and a mensch to boot. It also seems that the stomach GvH (remember that?) may also be chronic, as any attempt to completely wean Dennis off the Prednisone results in an uptick of the nausea. He’s on extremely low doses, so for the time being, he will hold steady where he is with the Prednisone to keep the nausea at bay. GvH, even in its mildest forms, is quite the balancing act, as we are finding out. Sometimes it’s better to continue taking a drug like Prednisone, although it ain’t great for the body and its organs in the long term, than to have relentless, debilitating nausea. It’s making the Nurse Ratchett in me squirm somewhat, but I’m cool, I’m good, I’m on it. Monitor and manage. Stay on your game. It’s all about the vigilance baby, and vigilance is my middle name (actually, it’s Lynne …). Wow, I’m scaring myself.
You knew it was coming, it’s inevitable and unavoidable, so it’s once again time for….
****Some old school social commentary****
(skip to the final paragraph if these give you nightmares).
With the filibuster question off the table for the time being, much attention is now being paid to a bill to lift the restrictions placed on embryonic stem cell research by Dubya. Our current administration and their conservative brethren, are informing us that our money is better spent supporting umbilical cord and adult stem cell research, which, they say, shows as much promise in treating degenerative diseases as embryonic stem cells. BIG NOT! When I posed this question to certain doctors-in-the know at DFCI (while watching Dennis’ bone marrow biopsy, nonetheless), I was told that, while the stem cells in umbilical cord blood are obviously tremendously beneficial in the world of bone marrow transplants, they differ markedly in make-up and basic nature from embryonic stem cells and DO NOT have the same properties or hold the same potential to someday do the regenerative work required for diseases such as Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and the like. In fact, studies have shown that they are indeed not effective when utilized in this manner. This, my friends, is straight from the mouth of those doing the research, professionals who are appropriately ‘schooled’ to make those determinations, as opposed to the propaganda we are hearing from those whose only schooling seems to be in Political Pandering 101. It’s our money, it’s our lives, be informed. This message brought to you by A Red Haired Person for an Honest America.
*******End of commentary. It’s safe to come out again.******
And so, I leave you in peace with a final request. Please send your very best birthday wishes to our hero, Dennis Ozer, who turns 57 on this Sunday, May 29th. He battled fiercely to be here for this one and I know God’s eyes will be on him with much pride and love for having fought the good fight.. He Da Man. Debra.

May16, 2005
Ozer Celebrants:
“Back so soon?” you ask, “We’re still recovering from your last lengthy missive!” Never one to give in to the tendency to procrastinate, I come bearing news about today’s pulmonary appointments. After about 3-1/2 hours of testing and assessments, it’s been determined that Dennis does have a very, very mild case of bronchiectasis. Very, very mild makes us truly, truly grateful; after going through a transplant, the severity of anything else medical all becomes relative to that. The word for today seems to be sputum (no definition provided; use your imagination), as Dennis needs to collect his over the next few days so it can be cultured for any infections present. The very good news though, is that there is no evidence of any pneumonia, which would show up on the CAT scan; the sputum collection is necessary to check for bronchitis and other respiratory infections that would not be visually apparent on the scan. In addition, he’s going back to DFCI on Friday for a fresh chest CAT scan (the one we looked at today is now 3 weeks old) and a sinus CAT scan just to make sure that nothing is brewing in his sinuses that’s further affecting the bronchiectasis.
Meanwhile, have I told you that his hair has come in nearly black and wavy-curly? Perhaps that prediction of a Jewfro may come true after all. This demands new pictures, don’t you think? I will get working on it (bless the new digital technology) and will post Dennis ‘Do pics pronto. In addition to these new, compelling glimpses into our hero’s life and hair follicles, stay tuned for a wonderful picture from the Gift of Life Gala featuring Jay Feinberg from GOL, my main woman Sari and Deborah Liney. Deborah works at DFCI, where she in charge of unrelated donor searches. It was the most wonderful Ms. Liney who was responsible for finding Dennis’ two life-saving cords and is currently working diligently on finding a match for my friend Evie. The 3 people in this picture were essential to our transplant journey and are an integral reason why we reached safe passage to the other side. We send thanks and good energy their way every day and, in Deborah and Jay’s case, support the vital work of DFCI and GOL in whatever way we can. Feel free to be part of their miracles.
On another note, I realize I was mistaken about tomorrow’s DFCI appointment. That 6 month appointment is actually scheduled for next Tuesday, so more medical news, other than today’s pulmonary update, will follow next week. Until then, it’s off to bone up on today’s right-wing conservative conspiracies and save the world one person and canine at a time. Thanks for coming, thanks for coping, thanks for caring. Debra.
‘So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.’
Good Riddance – Verse 2 (Time of Your Life) – Green Day

May14, 2005
Dedicated Dennis Dominion:
Dennis continues to do remarkably well overall and grows stronger as the days pass. I often watch him in his training sessions with our magnificent friend Aviva, and it’s remarkable to see how far he’s come in re-attaining strength, coordination and balance. I would venture to say that he’s building an even stronger body than before, as he’s actively integrating yoga into his life, which provides agility and flexibility in both the physical and mental realms. His mind was fairly formidable before, which we witnessed as he went through the most difficult moments of his cancer/transplant journey, but when you can open your mind to flow with what life brings with grace and dignity, you absolutely work magic. Dennis works magic everyday; he thrives and strives and we all remain thrilled and hopeful beyond description.
That being said, it does seem that we may have a small bump in his post transplant road, as the coughing and congestion problems have continued and he’s been very tired in the last few weeks. After contacting Dr. Antin, we came to find out that the chest CAT scan revealed evidence of a condition called bronchiectasis, a condition of the lungs where the airways (windpipes) become widened and enlarged so that lung secretions and mucus do not pass out of the airways normally and instead can pool in the lungs leading to infection. This can lead to cough, recurrent bronchitis and recurrent pneumonia **( **the previous definition courtesy of everyone’s favorite friend, the internet). Why we are just finding out the results of a CAT scan that was taken 2 or more weeks ago perturbs me a mite and, once we get a handle on it, will require further investigation. But meanwhile, we have appointments both for in depth pulmonary function testing and a meeting with a pulmonary specialist this Monday and will know much more at that time. The internet can obviously be helpful, but it also throws reams of information at you that can be both overwhelming and misleading; I prefer to get my bits and pieces straight from the ol’ pulmonary horse’s mouth (at least in this case - insert appropriate doctor’s specialty as it applies). One thing I DO know is that the condition is not life threatening other than we must be ultra vigilant regarding pneumonia, flu and anything bronchial in nature. Of course, if we get any more vigilant, we will be classified as terminally anal-compulsive and not much fun to be around. While I’m not pleased that this has happened, I knew better than to get complacent and think nothing negative would ever pop up because he’s Dennis, he’s the King o’the World and he’s done so astoundingly well thus far. He’s indeed miraculous, but, my peeps and homies, we still have a long way to go and can never get lax or take anything for granted.
This is sort of a rock and rollin’ week for us in terms of doctor’s appointments for Dennis. Along with Monday’s pulmonary work-up, we are back at DFCI on Tuesday morning for our 6 month appointment which includes another bone marrow biopsy and further protocol-related blood work. Then it’s back to Mass Eye and Ear on Wednesday for his eye check follow-up. We now have someone to contact before the Mass Eye and Ear appointment, so we can get in and out with minimal waiting (complaining stridently can get you somewhere after all). Considering the bronchial situation, I do not want him in there a moment longer than is necessary and will kick up some dust if it turns out to be otherwise (you think I’m a bit antagonistic of late?). So, in summary, Debra, your digital scribe, should have much to report, including new and happenin’ fascinating cord facts, by the end of the week and I promise to update the dominion expeditiously (I figure that as long as I can use and spell big words, I’m not getting senile).
**Warning – I feel a Debra advocacy update comin’ on. Here’s your chance to read about how, Debra Style, advocacy can make the world continue to go ‘round, or to skip to the bottom and get out fast (no one will ever know!). The choice is yours and there’s always a choice.**
As I regain my own emotional footing, I have started to have an opportunity to direct some thought and effort towards advocacy – that fine liberal, leftist, femi-Nazi need to make the world a better place after one has been through their own personal hell. When you go through cancer, there is the possibility of coming out on the other side feeling the need to be cloistered, mentally and emotionally, and to hunker down with your family and turn inward. I’ve found myself in a place where my heart has opened up in ways that are often pretty close to painful in terms of containing and controlling the degree of emotion engendered. I chalk that one up to my incredible father, who was one of the most loving, generous, affectionate human beings I’ve ever known. His capacity to give was limitless and I’m proud to have inherited even a small part of that precious legacy. It ends up that my friend, Evie, who I mentioned a few updates ago, will have to undergo a transplant after finishing the chemo regimen she’s presently on to put her lymphoma into remission. I have been of spending much time with her and her family, accompanying her to appointments at DFCI (she will be under Dr. Antin’s care), and trying my best to support, inform and translate as her family deals with sorting through all that comes with the reality of stem cell transplantation. At the risk of sounding new age-y and mighty weird (what’s new about that huh?), it seems like my karma to be able to be present for Evie and it feels very right and very good. My friend Sari and I also went to NY last week for the Gift of Life’s 10th Anniversary Gala celebration. The Gift of Life, and Jay Feinberg, is the amazing bone marrow foundation that funded all of our drives when we were searching for a match for Dennis. Sari and I hope to begin to work with GOL in their efforts to begin an umbilical cord storage facility since cord blood transplantation, as we have seen with Dennis, is most definitely the best hope for the future. Without those cords, Dennis’ outlook would have been bleak indeed. GOL has partnered with a facility here in Worcester and, as karma would have it, Evie’s son and daughter-in-law, Amy and Josh, are due in 4 weeks with their first child. I put them in touch with Jay so GOL can collect their baby’s cord and the life-saving stem cells that reside within it, and their cord will officially become GOL’s inaugural donated cord upon their baby’s birth. It’s the next, best thing to having a baby of my own (female, of course) and being able to donate her cord. To bring the circle of coincidence (or the belief that nothing ever is coincidence) even closer, Amy and Josh bought a house right across the street from us, and I am now blessed with terrific new neighbors and a beautiful baby-to-be that I can lavish with attention and get my mommy ya-ya’s out on. Additionally, when Evie is safely post transplant, she will have the choice of not just one ‘safe house’ (her own), not two (Josh and Amy’s cleaned to spec) but THREE since my house is now and will forever remain up to post transplant code. We build advocates one by one, and we must teach, preach and pass it on when we have reached safe harbour from our own dance with the demon. So stay tuned for information as Sari and I figure how to best spread GOL’s cord blood donation gospel to our little part of the world. And keep the glory that is Dennis in your heart when an opportunity to give mightily of your own blessings, be they your stem cells, your blood and platelets or your financial successes, is presented to you. End of advocacy update.
And so I leave you for that famous springtime ritual called Little League, as I wear many chapeaus, soccer and baseball Mom being proudly amongst them. The name will always be Goodman, but my man and my clan is Ozer. Debra.
‘Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road,
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don’t ask why.
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.’
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) – Green Day

April 26, 2005
5 Month Transplant Anniversary
Beloved, Burgeoning Nation of O:
Rather than count the days since our hero’s transplant, we will start to mark the milestones by months, as an incredible 5 of them have now passed. Today’s appointment at DFCI continued our trend of good news and spot on progress. By all standards, Dennis’ blood work is deemed completely normal and recovered. His hematocrit still has not hit 42, but it’s up to 39 and we expect it to follow suit by our next appointment, one month from today. We were both a bit concerned over the last few days, as Dennis has been feeling winded and short of breath, but his blood work remains far too strong to indicate anything problematic other than perhaps a cold or springtime allergies. I spent most of last week with a pretty nasty cold myself, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Dennis picked it up despite my best attempts to keep my distance. He is having a chest CAT scan tomorrow just to be sure that nothing is brewing, but again, there is no expectation of anything troublesome.
It would also seem that our man is unique among double-cord stem cell transplant patients (all 18 of ‘em performed at DFCI to date,that is) as the little girl from Dusseldorf refuses to entirely go away. Usually, by Day +100, one cord has come to dominate completely but, although our Milanese baby is still directing the show at about a 76% to 24% ratio, it would seem that we’ve got a little European Union thing going on, with the two cords co-existing peacefully in Dennis’ bone marrow. According to Dr. Antin, this is a total first and, since it‘s nothing to be concerned about in the overall scheme of things, it seemed to be an endless source of amusement for Dr. A. as did the thought of these two little girls running around in some playground, laughingly oblivious to the life they have saved. Being that our doctor is not usually one prone to spontaneous expressions of humour, it was kind of exhilarating to see him so amused and chuckling, obviously enormously pleased by Dennis’ progress. Let me tell you folks, it is ALLL good indeed when one’s transplant doctor is happy and chatting gleefully with you about little girls playing in European schoolyards. I, of course, am not surprised to hear that Dennis’ marrow is unique among patients. I would expect nothing less as he stands unique among most humans in just about any comparisons in which he is measured. The Lord up above, she done broke the mold after making that one!
***Political Commentary Alert! Skip to the end if these kind of things make your skin crawl (Hey, I’ve been so good!)*****
I have been very tempted these days to comment on recent news events pertaining to certain Frists and Delays making noise about ‘persons of faith’, a phrase they bandy about so recklessly and one that is fraught with some pretty scary connotations . I invite them to have observed our lives this past year as we have learned the true meaning of faith and how deeply personal that word is to each of us. They might have a concept that faith is born of the family that holds you up, of the doctors who discover miracles and bring a second chance and of the community of many who, each immersed in their own personal interpretation of God and the infinite, embraced this family with spirit. love and prayer that needed no definition from the Pope, Chief Rabbi or Allah to have the power to support, inspire and heal. It wasn’t ‘one true faith’ only, but the power of the many and the diverse that brought us through our version of hell, enlightened and humbled. I fear deeply for this country when God and faith becomes a bludgeon to be used to force submission to any one ideal; there was once a man in Germany who exterminated 11 million people in the name of that kind of ‘faith’. Open your heart and set your own journey. Debra.
‘Everything begins in faith and ends in politics’ – Charles Peguy

April 20, 2005
Day +122
Those who Follow All Things Ozer:
All continues on the upward path for Dennis. Our last appointment at DFCI revealed that the bone marrow biopsy found Dennis’ marrow “clean as a whistle”, in the words of Dr. Antin. Never did such a cliché term sound so very beautiful and happening. He has been feeling stuffed up and seems to have a cough, but both a chest x-ray and nasal swab came back normal. Normal – that is also one truly mah-velous word when it applies to his health. His hematocrit, which is traditionally the last indicator to come up to full strength or, more factually, back within an acceptable range (in this case 42 and above), is up to 37.7 from 35.5 at the last appointment. So, once again, that word ‘thankful’ seems inadequate but one that I wake up with on my mind and in my heart every day. Nothing can be taken for granted, as I was just painfully reminded today when I found out that a good friend’s Lymphoma has relapsed after 3+ years of clean scans. We must keep focused on living in the day, in the hour, in the moment. I embrace every day and every test and clinic appointment that greets us with continuing good news as our world can be, once again, rocked to its core in a given instance. Our love, deepest prayers and total support to my friend Evie as she faces the demon once again. Evie’s situation also served to remind Dennis that Dennis still faces an element of the unknown due to the dearth of long term data available on umbilical cord transplants. But, as I have learned in yoga, one can’t live their life in fear of the next moment, of the future, of the next pose and if it’s attainable. There is only the mat and the moment, only what is currently in front of us and I, at least, have chosen to live in that particular place. I feel that, in many ways, that is a far more difficult task for Dennis as he possesses a personality, (despite his little Milanese girl), that makes it difficult to live with that element of surrender. His mind just doesn’t work in that manner; it’s always moving light years ahead, inventing and evolving in ways that this slower paced girl can barely even start to contemplate!
While he still faces 7-8 more months of relative isolation in the house, the advent of spring has allowed him to get out and be a bit more participative in the sporting lives of the kids. Although he is not able to do the coaching he would so love to do, or get down and dirty with the kids on the fields, I think it does us all a world of good to have him out of the house and helping the kids to hone their hoops, polish their pitches and garnish their goals. Spring is definitely fast paced around here with each kid running between 2 sports and other varied activities (Green Day concert, Bat/Bar Mitzvahs galore, etc.), so the days and weeks pass more quickly as we count down our one year of Dennis confinement (it’s almost 5 months into it if you can believe it). Viva la spring and all the renewal and rebirth that comes with it. That is the theme of our lives these days and it’s reflected back to us daily in our environment. Oyyy, the cyclical nature of it all! So, before I devolve into further gag worthy, new age spewage (makes you miss the fiery, endearingly obnoxious liberal spoutations, huh), we wish all of our Jewish kin ‘round the world a Happy Passover and send back to our Nation of Ozer all the love and energy with which you have sustained us these many long months. Shalom, Namaste, Peace out, Amen y’all. Debra.

March 31, 2005
Day +109
Those Who Knowzer Ozer:
Our first Tuesday without a DFCI appointment – a beautiful thing indeed. In this post-transplant world of recovery and reconnection, small things like this, indicating tremendous, hard-fought-for progress, end up being very profound. As I type this, Dennis and I are working, side-by-side, in the home office I set up for just this purpose, and it’s truly delightful to be here with him. He continues to do superbly well, and, as I have had the pleasure of watching my yoga teacher Aviva train him, I’m amazed by the strength and power he’s reclaiming so quickly. I know that he feels frustrated not to be at the same place he was prior to the transplant, or should I say prior to the symptoms of his illness, but he was never one to surrender gently and give in to the ebb and flow of life, the good days and not so great ones. The man chews life like a piece of leather (kind of a sweet pitbull analogy as it were) and lives a life that moves to a very fast rhythm- that’s part of what makes him the Dennis that entertains and inspires us so. The advent of the beautiful spring-like weather has also allowed him to get out and play hoops and catch with the boys. It cracks me up to watch people in our neighborhood drive or walk by and pay their respects to the reappearance of the reinvigorated Godfather. Funny, funny. And, of course the Great White Bronte Beast continues to be kept slim and girlish with her Dennis-paced daily walks.
I forgot to mention in my last update that some of the food restrictions were lifted last week on the Day +100 milestone appointment. We can bring in take-out food and, more importantly, It is salad and raw fruits and veggie time again for the O. Being a man who has eaten about as close to nature as a human can get, the loss of greens was a heavy one indeed for him. It was nigh near glorious to observe his face when he bit into the first apple he has had in about 6 or more months. Who knew romaine lettuce and radishes could be as good as sex? The things we take for granted. This also serves to take some of the cooking pressure off of me, as I can now serve salads with shrimp, salads with chicken, salads with crunchy sprouts and tofu etc. to O and the offspring and still feel that they are eating decently without my having daily meal preparation trauma. You laugh, but this is some stressful shit when the fine art of cooking is not firmly and comfortably part of one’s skill set! The whiny Princess in me has been loosed upon you. Excuse the use of such extreme language, but it only serves to reinforce the depth of the culinary distress I experience as dinner rolls around!
By the way, since many of you have asked how your man looks, stay tuned for some brand new, happenin’ pictures of Peanut and the family O (including political maven Adam, Hurricane Jake and Bronte, the chocolate-lovin’ canine, of course). No new pictures of yours truly, as I don’t change much other than another wrinkle and more gray hair. Oy!
So each day proceeds with joy, and each week seems to pass with increased health that we never take for granted. Our journey continues (doesn’t all of ours?) but it has moved from a survival mode to one of rebuilding and reestablishing. I know only too well that everyone has a different definition of God and what God means to them, but, in my own personal world, I see God as a spark of divine potential that lies within each of us that guides, that inspires and lifts us on the lifelong quest to connect to something higher and better. Dennis’ spark was always a thing of tremendous power and strength, but I marvel that he now has the dual little baby spark of a glorious little girl from Milan intertwining with his own. Blessings on your journeys, my friends. In the moment, in the glow. Debra.
*** Peace, comfort and namaste at the close of your journey, Terri Schiavo***

March 24, 2005
3 Month Milestone
Day +100 Appointment Update
O Minions:
Never being one who likes to repeat past mistakes, I bring you this week’s latest Ozer news in a more timely and expeditious manner (I am so glad to have these updates in which to test my old person’s memory of the English language). Our Day +100 appointment was wonderfully uneventful, as all news was good news. Dennis’ latest blood work was termed ‘magnificent’ by he-in-the-know, Dr. Antin, and we were tremendously pleased to see that his hematocrit has risen more than 2 points to 35, without the need for any supplementary blood infusions. It looks like there is one happy baby dwelling in the O’s marrow and we are grateful indeed for our little Milanese wonder woman. Dennis’ lung function test results were actually stronger than those results gathered before his transplant, which speaks volumes on the effects the leukemia/myelodysplasia had on our ever-so-strong and hardy hero. Although Dr. Antin performed a bone marrow biopsy, we won’t receive the results of the various tests and chemistries run from the biopsy for 1-2 weeks. Again I stress that we are not expecting to hear that there are any blasts in his bone marrow; Dr. Antin feels that his counts are far too strong and would be responding adversely to any cancer cells if they were present. While a bone marrow biopsy is never what you would call a ‘pleasant’ procedure, it did afford an opportunity for Dr. Antin to access the strength of Dennis’ bones, which, despite several rounds of chemo and other potentially body traumatic drugs, seemed to have retained all of their previous integrity. In other words, he’s remained tight, right, light and outta sight throughout the fight!
Wednesday’s Day +100 appointment was at Mass Eye and Ear and took a loooooong damn time in a very busy, jammed clinic environment. Mucho waiting, getting ushered in one room and back out to wait for the next doctor, into another room and back out again to wait for doctor #3, etc. All in all, we were there for close to 3 hours and I found myself getting rather cranky and aggravated watching him get exhausted and exposed to numerous coughing, sneezing, hacking-type people as we waited. Mama ain’t no doctor, but it would seem to me that this was one extremely unhealthy environment for a 3-month out stem cell transplant patient with a baby immune system. Of course, me being the ultra-advocatin’ stand-up kinda woman that I like to think I am and he bein’ my man, I did try to sweetly, yet firmly verbalize my displeasure to one of the techs and the more junior opthomologist to see if we could speed up the between-procedures wait time, but, alas, to no avail. I got a “you should have known this would be a long appointment” line from junior opthowoman there, which, although she was right and we should have been told, only served to piss me off even further, partially due to her snitty doctor ‘tude. And so, me being the combative, ultra-advocatin’, stand up for her fabulous, happenin’ man, can’t sit on it and let things pass kinda woman that I KNOW I am, I have decided to inform DFCI of this and try to make a difference for our future appointments and the F.A.’s of all other transplant patients to come (so noble, ain’t I?). While my own personal self would wait as long as needed like all the other folks for this type of appointment, I truly feel there needs to be some sort of intelligent intervention made on the part of DFCI and some special dispensation made at Mass Eye and Ear for a dramatically immune-compromised individual. In the end, it does appear that Dennis has some mild GvHD in his eyes that results in a dramatic decrease in adequate tear production to keep his eyes moist. Fortunately, it is extremely mild and the structural integrity of his eyes also remains very much intact. It’s treated simply with eye wash 8-10 times per day, and these little teeny-tiny, microscopic things called punctal plugs that were inserted into the corners of his eyes (painless, I can assure you because I watched the whole 2 second procedure), which block the tubes (or Puncta, our new Sesame Street word for today) that drain extra tears and moisture from our eyes. Who woulda known such a thing existed?
*** I know -- you are probably thinking as you read this, ‘Wow, that was a long diatribe to wade through to get to the punctal plugs bit!’ Man, she’s contentious and wordy sometimes! ***
There are so many times these days, when I look at Dennis and find it almost incomprehensible that his body and spirit has been through so much. He truly looks amazing and his presence is as powerful, inspiring and, perhaps, even more impactful, than it was before. Although the rhythm of our lives is most definitely changed (Dennis home 24/7! Debra cooking meals for 4!), it has resumed a flow and has a new warmth to it that is truly sustaining to us all. I mark time very differently though, and, as cliché as it might sound, feel every moment and each day that passes with health and vigor, in a far deeper and more profound way than I thought possible. The journey that cancer takes you on, one that, something tells me, will remain with us lifelong, can either close you off and have you questioning God, faith and yourself, or opens your heart and soul to the possibilities of forgiveness, personal strength, connectiveness and love. My world reverberates very differently now and I feel altered in many ways, but it’s a good and very powerful place we are all in, indeed. I give thanks and remain open and attuned every day to the beauty of having possibilities that include Dennis and a life together.
*** LECTURE ALERT *** (non-political in nature, though)
While I will spare you my personal opinions on the Terri Schiavo tragedy (and it is, in every possible way a tragedy), the whole issue of living wills, insurance and disability is one that resonates with both Dennis and myself. A cancer diagnosis has a very efficient way of making these issues into priority #1 for any family facing the battle. While I would never, consciously at least, tell anyone what they have to do, I will say that Dennis took care of his family in many very significant ways that could easily be overlooked until an emergency necessitates addressing them (and, by then, it is often too late). From just about day #1 of our marriage, Dennis had taken out sufficient life insurance and disability on both of us to provide for the family in the unfortunate possible occurrence of just this kind of circumstance. He always made it a priority in our domestic affairs, thanks entirely to his own efforts and, quite honestly, often against my objections because of the financial commitment required. Trust me, I was wrong to ever object and bless him every day for his foresight and uniquely Dennis persistence in this matter! Additionally, both of us have living wills, which we reviewed and updated immediately upon his leukemia diagnosis, and a copy of which followed him and his chart wherever he went during his 2 hospitalizations. We are both extremely clear where we stand on the issue of life support and have the document to back those wishes up to, prayfully, ever prevent the kind of horrendous conflict and litigation that has torn apart the Schindler and Schiavo families. You need this whether you are married or single and you are never, ever too young to attend to this crucial document. As we have all seen with the Schiavo litigation, the stakes are tremendously high and enormously catastrophic if ignored. Appoint a trusted guardian and make your wishes known in writing as soon as possible if you have not already done so. Illness and calamity can enter your life UNEXPECTEDLY at any time, as it did with Dennis, and procrastination can bring with it momentous consequences and unfathomable heartache to your family and loved ones.
*** LECTURE OVER, BUT THE LOVE GOES ON AND ON ***
Yours in the day – Debra.

March 15, 2005
Day +90 (can you believe it?)
Patently Patient Nation of O:
Bad Debra, bad Debra! Yes, Debra has been a bad girl, a bad dog. You have called, you have written, you have admonished and pleaded and, still, you didn’t get your update. I offer no excuses. I am riddled with guilt (as every Jewish girl should be). I accept responsibility. I beg forgiveness. Of course, being the fine, intelligent community of digital intelligencia that you are, and living in a world where every bad word is instantly blasted and broadcast near and far, you figured that all is well and there was nothing troublesome to report (‘no news is good news’ as the cliché goes). And, in this instance, you are right and then some. Yes, life is good here in New England. No rain, no sleet, no endless pounding snowstorms, seemingly one after the other, can dull the spirit, energy and progress of he who we call The Godfather. Our Tuesday meetings are getting to be quick, down and dirty; a little blood work, a kvetch or two and we’re out of there until next week. Yes, it might be considered medically boring, but we like boring. Boring is beautiful, Boring is goooood, goooood (as George Bush Senior used to say by way of Dana Carvey). After the end of this month, we will probably start on a schedule of every other week (or twice monthly as it’s more commonly said) appointments at DFCI. His counts continue to climb (as in the case of his hematocrit) or remain consistent and strong (platelets and WBC’s), all good signs of a healthy, new immune system happily taking root and flourishing. The prednisone continues to do its job in regards to the gastro GvHD, he is being gently weaned weekly off of his various meds and there have been no further worrisome signs of any kind. Despite my best predictions and secret desire for Dennis to grow a fine, curly Jewfro worthy of Bob Dylan, his beard and hair has come in the same color and consistency. He has started working twice weekly with both a PT and my magnificent yoga teacher Aviva, and continues training on the Needham Heights Bronte Dog Walking Workout on a daily basis. If one didn’t know Dennis (how inconceivable and sad it would seem NOT to know Dennis) and met him for the first time, they would have no idea that he had been so sick. He just so pretty!
And now, for your viewing pleasure, a few fun facts re: Dennis’ cords:
1) It would seem that baby Milanese is kicking Germany’s butt and it looks like it will soon be completely dominant. As of our last appointment, Maria Milano comprised 66% of his immune system and Debbie Deutschland only 34%. In the words of Dr. Antin “Brooklyn is completely gone”(meaning Dennis’ none too healthy immune system has left the building in exactly the way it was meant to). But you know and I know that the Brooklyn is in our boys’ DNA – it just be hibernating for now and will soon be sneaking its’ butt out after curfew to check the box scores and toss back an espresso or two.
2) Now, the truly astute among you may have noticed that I have placed female monikors on our baby cords. As roaringly queer as that may seem, there is a reason. Yep, they’re girls. Both of ‘em. One was born in 2000, the other in 2001. Girl power, baby. The ultimate in getting in touch with your feminine side. The girls I never had. A new palette of soft, wearable colors that the more sensitive man is not afraid to wear. Shopping in the mall, decorating the house, Pilates class… Wow, it’s easy to trip on this one, huh?
And so we re-weave our life from a changed, but exceedingly joyful, point of view. A few of you have asked what his prognosis is for the future. Technically speaking, from a DFCI standpoint, the long-term data on double-cord transplants simply does not exist to adequately answer that question. Dennis was double-cord transplant #15 for DFCI; double-cord transplant #2 was exactly one year out when we met him about 3 weeks’ ago. So, in a few words, we don’t know. The only prognosis that matters to us is that each day we wake up is one more day we might not have had this option not been available to us. And he is Dennis Ozer – that’s the best prognosis in and of itself. Next Tuesday’s appointment is Day +100, considered the first of what we hope to be many post-transplant milestones. We will be at DFCI for a good part of the day while Dennis undergoes numerous protocol-related tests (lung function, eye tests since GvHD can affect the eyes, etc.) including a bone marrow biopsy that will confirm that he is in continued remission from the leukemia and should provide very detailed information on the composition of his new immune system and the cord that comprises it. Dr. Antin is in no way concerned that there are still any leuko-blast cells present, as his blood work continues to be so strong, but it always gives one a marvelous sense of peace to hear it confirmed as such. So, raise your glasses (and I don’t mean the reading ones) to Day +100 and all the days to come, fill out your March Madness College Basketball sheets and know that He of the Hoops is available for consultation and advice as you agonize over your picks.
‘Yo, his pants they may be baggy
His ass it might be small
But he still one feisty mofo
And one clean lookin’ Jewish-Milanese-German-Brooklyn bad boy, y’all!’
Ode to A Man from Brooklyn – Debra Goodman 2005
***** Rest in peace Aunt Lillian. We love you*****

February 18, 2005
Day +65
Celebrating the Pats Superbowl Win
Obviously Ozer Observers:
The planets continue to align in our direction as the sun shines brightly and the moon lights the nighttime path. And no, I’m not talking about the Pats, but about Dennis O, our own favorite dynasty. The Tuesday news out of DFCI continues to be uplifting. His platelets are now at 211,000. his hematocrit is at 32 and his WBC counts are at a high of 10,500. The prednisone continues to do its job in regards to the gastro GvHD and there have been no further troublesome signs of any kind. His goatee is just about at full power and, if you stare long enough, it feels as if you can actually watch his hair grow. He’s got his strength up and Bronte’s weight down with his twice daily 2 mile dog walks and, all in all, he’s one amazing and inspiring’ kinda guy to be around. We’ve started to have a few (very few) visitors over and Dennis has had several walk-the-dog play dates with our friend Joel, but we are still limiting lengthy indoor contact and friends of the kids will remain strictly verboten. My fairly close to inexpressible gratitude to the parents of Adam and Jakob’s friends who have opened their homes and hearts to my boys. It is not the easiest thing, by any stretch, to call for play dates knowing you will be unable to reciprocate and have any of these children in your own home for many months to come.

I feel as if we are finally starting to settle back into a routine of sorts that has allowed me to learn how to juggle Dennis’ needs, the kid’s schedules while allowing me to, slowly, phase back in to both work and a Pilates and Yoga workout schedule that works wonders in keeping my sanity intact and my soul and body healthy. As some of you already know, I was also working part time as a Pilates instructor, work that I found both stimulating and fulfilling, and I hope to be able to pick up some of my hours again and work with a few clients. I have also, as normalcy, or at least our version thereof, returns to our world, been able to finally answer the many, supportive e-mails that were so crucial in getting me through the days while Dennis was in the hospital. I also hope to begin working on my ‘Cancer 101’ tome; I will spare you all by not posting it in update form, but will have a separate section on the website where it will be available should you wish to read what will probably, knowing me, be a very honest and a little raw take on surviving this kind of experience. It may not make me new friends in the end, as I have a few things to relay that might make a few people blink at their own behavior (or lack thereof), but if it ends up assisting someone else in their navigation of the process of cancer both from a point of view of dealing with the medical establishment and their own day-to-day community, than I will have accomplished something of worth and that’s about all anyone can ask for these days.
Enough proselytizing; you may miss hearing about Dennis frequently, but I will just about bet you sure ain’t missing Preacher Debra. And so it goes and on to the next day (every single one is more precious than I can ever describe). Liberal, laughing, loving and living. Debra.
P.S. I know there are those of you who have offered condolences or criticism to Dennis regarding his wife’s choice of political direction. To those of you I offer the following definition:
LIBERAL (lbr-l, lbrl)
adj.
1.
a. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.
b. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.
Now I ask you, is that all bad? Peace out America.

February 5, 2005
Day +52
Saturday before Superbowl
Those Seeking Ozer:
I know – I can hear it now. What up with our Dennis Watch? Girl is losing her edge; she’s left us hanging, totally bereft, in suspense, plotzing in anticipation, jonesin’ like a junkie, eager to elucidate, keen to keep up, fervent for the Fanclub, diligent for Dennis, pinin’ for the Peanut and bothersomely besotted for the boy! As I said before, how much can you honestly take of hearing the daily trials and tribs of the O in question? I must save up the news and meter it out sparingly and efficiently these days at home or these updates will turn into something nasty that will come perilously close to resembling a really bad diary of one’s first baby (“Ooow, he took his first walk around the block!”; ‘Uh-oh, couldn’t hold those pills down today!”; “Baby boy gained one whole pound today!”; “Oh, look, his hair is coming in!”). I respect you too much for that. So, on to the medical…
Our little stem cells are absolutely lovin’ life in the Godfather’s bone marrow. Our Tuesday appointment with Dr. Antin was phenomenal; his platelets almost tripled from 67,000 the previous week to 157,000. His crit was up to 34 from 28 (40-42 is normal for an adult male) and his WBC counts are up to 9,200 (well into the normal range). Fantastic progress especially considering that he has had no supplementary blood products to boost those counts. It turns out that the nausea problem, which was getting inexplicably worse, is actually a form of GvHD, which affects the gastro tract and responds quickly and successfully to treatment with Prednisone (a steroid used to treat gastro diseases such as Crohn’s and Colitis). Two days of treatment yielded a completely revitalized Dennis; he is completely back on track with his meds and has seen the return of a healthy appetite (I will fatten his ass up if it kills me!). An extra, added bonus at our outpatient appointments has been the opportunity to speak with other transplant patients who are farther along in the process than we are at just 52 days post transplant. We met a fabulous man, who was exactly one year post-transplant on the day of our Tuesday appointment (February 1st) and was doing fantastically well. He remains quite the trailblazer, as he was only DFCI’s 2nd double-cord transplant at the time, and it was truly illuminating and inspirational to meet him and be able to compare notes on symptoms when he was at the same point that Dennis is currently, and regarding what we might expect in the future. As you might imagine, support groups for vulnerable transplant patients is not something that is encouraged, so encountering like souls in the outpatient setting is the next best thing.
In terms of overall progress, Dennis is absolutely amazing and seems to be setting the standard, just as we have all come to expect of him. He is out walking the dog daily, sometimes, twice a day, and has built up his strength to his first 2 mile walk, much to the delight of La-Bronte Jones, who had to get used to the fast backyard or ‘round the block jaunt in her Daddy’s absence. Thanks to the Prednisone, he is eating heartily and has re-gained his healthy, ruddy, olive oil complexion. And, yes, his hair and goatee is indeed coming back in (soon we’ll be corn rowin’), and he is lookin’ like the mean, lean, broodin’ Brooklyn machine we know and love. Fabulous, fabulous. While we remain realistic to the possibility of setbacks along the way, this has never been the way we prefer to operate throughout this experience – we walk the cautiously optimistic walk and deal with what’s thrown in the ‘happy place’ path only as it comes. Dwelling on what could be, especially when it’s negatively related, expends far too much yucky psychic energy that should be saved for enjoying and appreciating what’s being presented at our threshold in the moment. It’s probably almost needless to say how much this ordeal has bitch-slapped us all from a ‘setting-of-priorities’ point of view. I have been easing myself back into a slightly more active work mindset in the last week, and my reaction to a project that encountered some onsite difficulties was far more levelheaded than it’s EVER been in the past. After seeing the person I love go through hell and back with cancer and shake a fist at it, a crease in a graphic, although unnecessary and regrettable, is something I can deal with without acting out like it’s rocked my world and destroyed my life. Funny how that works. So we accept, with deep gratitude and thanks, the wonderful progress we are seeing, and I enjoy every moment home with my family, doing what I once so stupidly and selfishly thought was mundane and a stone chore (like picking my kids up, chauffeuring them around, doing dinner, shoring up the homefront). How’s that for a confession and revelation (personal growth – it’s a beautiful thing!)? Always come to dennisozer.com for the warts n’ all truth! Reveling and relevating; ecstatically existing and elevating. Always. Debra.
‘Now maybe later we can go up to the moon
Or sail among the stars before the night is through
And, when morning comes, we’ll see the sun is not so far
And we can’t get much closer to God then where we are’
So High – John Legend (from John Legend – Get Lifted. If you need some major new music, buy this CD friends; it is magnificent.)
-------- GO PATS!!!! ----------

January 27 & 28, 2005
Day +43 & +44
Great White New England
Minions of O:
Don’t those of us who live here in New England sometimes wonder why we stay when it snows like this? Cause we is tough New Englanders who dig skiing in freezing conditions and subscribe to the delusion that the snow is postcard pretty and builds character. At least it allows Dennis and I one day of hunkering down and relaxing guilt-free!
We had another great appointment with Dr. Antin at DFCI on Tuesday. He positively clapped his hands with glee and got about as close to excited as I’ve seen the man when we got Dennis’ blood chemistry back and his platelets had jumped from 19,000 to 67,000 (my platelets are your platelets). This is yet another transplant milestone, as once his platelets reached 50,000, it would be medically safe to begin an exercise program. His WBC counts and hematocrit also continue to hold steady without any supplementary blood products, which speaks volumes about how well his stem cells are making themselves at home in his bone marrow. From an investigative standpoint, Dennis’ transplant is a about as close to picture-perfect as I think they would hope the procedure could be. From our end, the nausea continues to be a problem, and we are experimenting with a variety of approaches, from spreading the meds out throughout the day to frequent, small meals in an attempt to alleviate the problem and keep the pills down. In the end, there are really only two meds which are a must as they are related to graft rejection and GvHD suppression (Cellcept and Cyclosporine), but they are, of course, the most ‘heavy duty’ of all the prescriptions and are probably the culprits which are triggering the nausea, along with a med called Mepron, that comes only as a neon yellow suspension liquid. The visual aspect of consuming that bad boy alone is enough to trigger a gag reflex. The primary goal of most of our days is to keep those two meds where they belong and to try to get him to gain some weight, closely followed by simply enjoying this time we have together as it’s far too easy to allow your mind to wander to what could have been. But my mind remains in the here and now and we are liking all that we are seeing’! Debra
***Political commentary alert*** Read no further if these things drive you crazy. Ain’t Condoleeza Rice’s confirmation the ultimate feminist conundrum? On one hand, we sister-supportin’ women should be completely diggin’ the fact that a woman, and a woman of color nonetheless, has reached a position that carries with it such a high level of power and coljones. But, girlfriend is a major part of the Evil Empire there, so that seems to negate all the accomplishment in my book, doncha think? What to do ……

January 24, 2005
Day +40
Day After Mondo Snowstorm
House of O:
Sometimes snowstorms are timed very conveniently. What better way to while away the hours whilst getting pounded with 30” of snow than two awesome NFL playoff match-ups? I don’t think that Dennis could possibly have been happier – home with his family watching the Patriots do some spanking on their way to Jacksonville (not that Dennis is necessarily a Patriots fan, but he does appreciate a tight organization when he sees one).
Dennis continues to approve daily. He eats well, is sleeping soundly and I can see the furtive brain moving, grooving and starting to get bored sitting around. We’ve wanted to get him out for a walk in the last few days, but it was just too damn cold to take any chances. But he did go for a walk around the block today all by his lonesome (with cell phone in hand in case anything happened). The nausea continues to be an issue, but we have our appointment with Dr. Antin at DFCI tomorrow and, hopefully, we can get to the bottom of the problem and resolve it. Other than that, all is progressing well and we are thrilled and hopeful.
As you may have noticed, I probably will not be updating the site on a daily basis anymore as our life has, thankfully, settled into a rhythm and routine (never did I think I would so appreciate both of these things). Although I know how much you all dig on Dennis, love has its limits in the face of life’s day-to-day minutiae (Today, Dennis ate mac and cheese for lunch!! Yesterday, Dennis watched TV and took a long walk! Tomorrow, Dennis will take a lot of pills, then shower and shave just like the rest of you regular folks!) No, my friends, this I will not put you through. I’ll save up all the good Ozer/Goodman bits and pieces for every couple of days, and dole it out sparingly so as to strike the fine balance between keeping you necessarily informed and unnecessarily writing filler and left wing political ramblings just to put keyboard to digital notepad. I respect you too much for that! Until the next …. Debra.

January 21, 2005
Day +37
Nation of O:
Very wonderful days for our elated Ozer Nation, bummer-ful days for America as George Dubbya and his Texas Homeboy Posse are inaugurated once again (just think what good that 40 million could have done elsewhere!). There still remains 49% of our country who need to fight the good fight and let the 51% percent know that a just about evenly divided, divisive country does not a mandate make. I know, I know. Enough of that please, liberal evildoer.
Dennis O, our reason for reading, is doing exceedingly well, with small gains each and every day. While I have fallen fairly quickly into the hang of keeping the house and its occupants germ-aware and sanitary (oyyy – my dishpan hands!), keeping him fed and on his meds schedule proves more challenging. There is still lingering nausea and it affects both appetite and pill-consuming ability. Additionally, chemotherapy is, in and of itself, a taste bud buster, and many foods that were once pleasing to him end up completely unappetizing or metallic tasting. As with his hair cells, his taste buds will eventually rejuvenate and, someday soon, his lustrous locks will flow and his food will burst with fine, fab flavors once again. It’s all about time and patience, just as it has been since the inception of this experience. So, until that time, each meal often requires a few passes before we hit on foods that will work for him. I have decided that the 11-13 servings goal is quite unrealistic and find myself feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment if I manage to get 3 squares and a munchy or two down his ever lovin’ throat. Just let the Nazi dieticians from DFCI give me tsoris (Yiddish for ‘a hard time’) when I next see them; I will slap their ass down fairly quickly, as will Dennis if they start on him about forcing the eating issue. My pediatrician used to say that there are 3 things you can’t force a baby to do (!!bad language alert!! Skip to the next sentence if you are easily offended) – sleep, shit and eat, not necessarily in that order. A man of zen-like wisdom and damn-the-torpedos candor is our Dr. Goldston. These are words I still live by today and feel mighty appropo to my bright and shiny new patient. The baby may be 56 and well aware of what he needs to do, but it’s his body and he’s gonna do his bizniz and eat his vittles when he is good and ready, no matter how hard I Nurse Ratchett him otherwise. So, we will continue to take small steps regarding his progress; each day that he feels well, that he smiles, that his temperature stays normal and his spirits stay high is to be taken as a little triumph and a brightly wrapped gift. Our days are full, our minutes are treasured. Debra.

January 18, 2005
Day +34
Ozer Commission:
Welcome back to the happiest website this side of the Pecos! Please excuse yesterday’s lack of an update as we were all busy and consumed with adjusting to life at home with Peanut. There is much for me to do throughout the day and Dennis has affectionately taken to calling me Nurse Ratchett due to my propensity to hover, shove meds down his throat at the appointed hour (not a moment later), and generally set limits so as not to disturb the delicate constitution and hard work of his baby immune system and graft. He looks wonderful considering all he’s been through, albeit skinny (we are wondering where his ass went, a problem I know many a woman would love to complain about), and, being the man of fine Jewish European stock that he is, grows markedly stronger each day. His appetite is fairly good but it’s still going to be a challenge getting him to eat the 11-13 servings of acceptable foods that the DFCI dieticians would like to see him consume. After sleeping quite a bit on both Sunday and Monday, he saw a much more active day today as we had our first outpatient appointment at DFCI. As of 8:07p.m., he has not had a nap. Dr. Antin continues to be thrilled with what he sees and labeled his progress ‘superb’. Interestingly, he felt that Dennis had, overall, a fairly smooth and uncomplicated transplant and hospital stay, which makes one realize, without any further explanation, just how wrong things could have gone and probably do go for some less fortunate families. Additionally, his white and red blood cells and platelet counts continue to climb without any supportive blood products, which is a fabulous sign of the success of the procedure thus far and, I would like to think, the strength and spirit of he-who-got-the-stem-cells. Best of all, and this happens so infrequently that the tale must be told, Dennis was griping a bit about my riding him to take his meds at the designated times and not to stray too far from protocol. When he asked Antin about this he was told, and I quote, “She is right, you are wrong. End of story”. Do I love this? Do I relish this rare exchange between two connubial humans? Or do I delude myself in thinking this atypical and extraordinary banter when, in fact, all the men reading this missive are thinking “Ain’t it always that way with women, at least in their minds?” Another of life’s mysteries to ponder while walking Bronte.
So we are joyfully, gleefully awash in paper towels, Purell and pre-packaged food products and lovin’ every moment of it (at least for now; revisit me in a month when the princess in me starts bitchin’ ‘and moanin’). The one and only mission on William Street is to keep him healthy, physically and mentally, envelope him in a nauseating amount of familial love and affection and to, slowly but surely, put some meat back on his skinny but beautiful bones and help him reclaim his long, lost hiney. Washing and Woking. Debra.

January 16, 2005
Day +32
Hereafter Known as Homecoming Day
Dearest Fabulous, Faithful Family & Friends of O:
The Eagle has Landed. Sleeping downstairs, staying warm in front of a roaring fire, is the one and only Dennis Ozer, he who has brought us to this digital neck-of-the-woods day in, day out. How to describe? For once, lucky you, words escape me. I can only say that, other than a general cloud of paranoia regarding germs and all things bacteria-esque in nature, I have a deep impression and remarkable sense of peace, contentment and all things being in feng shui balance in La Casa Goodman/Ozer. And, just as an add-on to your DTO trivia if ever asked, the first meal of choice was a deli sandwich with mustard (pre packaged deli, of course!). So, all is quiet in my mind and our house - the kids are outside playing football (biding their time until the Patriots game comes on), Bronte snuffles and snoozes, Dennis sleeps and snuffles and I breathlessly type so as to expeditiously update all of those who are watching and waiting. All was uneventful in the retrieval, all of his counts are holding steady, what more to say for now? We are a grateful, righteously thankful family, with a renewed sense of wholeness and infinite possibilities for joy and blissfulness. More to come, for years to come. All blessings. Debra

January 15, 2005

Day +31
Groovy State of O:
We’ve got the completed renovations; we’ve got the dazzling clean abode. We have the sundry food items in which to start the fattening up process, we have the clean, bathed, soft dog, all disinfected and germ-free for her dad’s patting pleasure and we have the meds organized, lined up appropriately and ready for use. And, as of tomorrow (Sunday) at around 12:00 or so, we will have the Return of the King, in all his glory, and Studio 54 will shut down and turn off the disco ball, at least as far as this family is concerned. I know another family will follow, and my heart and blessings will be with every family that crosses the threshold on 4C for the fight of their lives.
Dennis is feeling spectacularly better and getting back his feisty Peanut personality. Both his ANC (@ 4,578) and WBC counts (@ 5,450 - that would be in the normal range just like you and me, brothas and sistahs), have soared, and it’s apparent in his mood, his overall coloring and appearance and, most importantly, his appetite. He was eating his meals and noshing in between with relish, and it was a joy to behold (see, somewhere within me there does indeed reside a Jewish mother who gets all jazzed to see her loved ones eat). I look forward to sharing out first meal together; a playful yet romantic dinner of hot dogs and french fries can be a wonderful reaffirmation of a couple’s love and commitment to one another and the pleasure of all things family. His long dormant and abused taste buds will be fairly zinging with the flavours of America’s finest comfort foods! I brought Adam in with me and we took home a load of his stuff along with all the myriad meds, so there is very little to transport tomorrow and we can focus on Dennis and not the technical challenges of schlepping stuff down to the car (we did that today). I’m sure that tomorrow will be emotional, overwhelming and many, many other things that I could not even possibly be qualified to describe were I in his skin, and he will need all the attention, love and both physical and emotional support we stand ready and waiting to lavish upon him. I certainly could describe how I feel about him coming home, but that would only make me teary and verklempt and send you running and screaming as the waves of drama, DDM’s, sticky icky sentiment and overly florid, descriptive language splattered this update like a bad Jackson Pollack painting (see what I mean?) Suffice it to say that I is one happy-ass woman! Firin’ up the George Foreman grill. Debra.
**** No quote tonight; Bob D. went to sleep early.*****

January 14, 2005
Day +30
Ozer Universe:
Although we had our little infection scare, all remains well in Studio 54 and the launch is proceeding, as planned, for Sunday. His ANC jumped to 2,954 and his WBC’s moved up to around 3,650. His WBC’s seem to be edging up slowly, probably due in part to the second infection diversion. But all cultures have returned negative and he sounds markedly better, although he remains tired. The rash on his body continues to wax and wane and has essentially been confirmed as GvHD. Dr. Antin was in to see him and said that they would manage this and any other GvHD symptoms during his outpatient visits (outpatient – ain’t that a beautiful word?), but sees no cause for concern. So we are on for our Sunday date and we Goodman/Ozers are ecstatic and immeasurably thankful. I, meanwhile, am in a stone neurotic frenzy regarding home cleanliness and can’t seem to stop wiping, dusting and displaying early signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Must keep the environmental issue in perspective and shoot to do the best I can (I am talking to myself via my own updates – scary). I have to admit that I am a bit nervous about managing the home and keeping the cleanliness level up to snuff, but I am a Goodman/Kessler and come from a long line of eat-off-the-floor neat freaks, so I just know I’m up to this – DNA tells me so. Amazing how the earlier tone of cheer and general frivolity has returned to these updates, now that I know my man is coming home. Tomorrow (Saturday) I am ‘off loading’ Mr. Jake with his bud Max (bless you Stephanie) and Adam and I are going food shopping for Dennis, followed by a last chance home clean-a-thon (dusting, wipe down, etc.). We will end our oh-so productive day with a visit to the the hospital to start taking Dennis’ personal belongings and copious meds back home to make Sunday as easy as possible.
**** For those who cringe at my DDM’s (Deep Debra Moments), please skip the following and proceed right to the sign-off and Dylan quote ****
How many people can claim to have two New Year’s days in one year (that’s what it feels like!)? The true beauty of the human condition is the ability, no matter how devastating the circumstance or act, to find a place where there exists a new beginning and a 2nd opportunity to reclaim the righteous path. Thanks to DFCI, the B&W inpatient staff, 2 glorious baby cords and Dennis’ magnificent spirit, that moment is upon us and the new path is both defined and illuminated.
Feeling abundantly blessed this evening. Debra.
‘Won’t you come with me baby
I’ll take you where you wanna go
And if it don’t work out
You’ll be the first to know
I’m pledging my time to you
Hopin’ you’ll come through too’
Bob Dylan – Pledging My Time

January 13, 2005
Day +29
Ozer Adherents:
Although his counts continue to climb (ANC=2,733; WBC counts of 3,553), it looks like we may indeed have another infection brewing. He spiked a temp of 101.7 during the night, was running a low-grade fever during much of the day and was feeling pretty poorly overall. Cultures were taken at around 5:00a.m, but it will probably be 24 to 48 hours before we know if anything definitive grows out. Due to his history with the central lines and the tendency for bacteria to stick to foreign matter, the transplant team decided to be pro-active and they pulled his PICC line this early this afternoon. They will biopsy the tip of the PICC and I would not be too surprised if it came back positive for some type of infection. He’s scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow morning to also ascertain whether there is an abscess or spot of infection in his arm from the line itself (he was complaining that it was extremely sore). In terms of discharge, if all the cultures come back negative and his fever stays down, he will still be discharged on Sunday as planned. If any of the cultures come back positive, if his fever spikes again or if there is a problem in the PICC line arm, he will need to stay an additional day or two and be thoroughly treated with infection-specific antibiotics. Luckily, his spirits remained fairly positive despite hearing this news, as I think he realizes that he doesn’t want to return home to the kids feeling as fatigued and sick as he has the last few days. I know it would freak all of us out if he came home only to land back in the hospital a few days later. The end is most definitely in sight, and he needs to hang tight and do what’s necessary to come home in the healthiest possible condition.
On a different note, many of you have, very generously, been offering to make tempting meals for our man O once he’s home. After reviewing the dietary guidelines with the staff at B&W, it would seem that they prefer that all meals be cooked and served in our home (big bummer). It doesn’t seem to be the meals themselves that are potentially problematic, but the food preparation and all that is involved in keeping the environment safe and bacteria-free. The guidelines are pretty stringent and it would be difficult to communicate them to everyone ad expect them to be followed to the letter. Even the transportation of a fresh, warm meal, normally not an issue, presents a possible environment for contamination that could pose a danger to him, as food temperature conditions are crucial. So, in the end, as much as it hurts me to say it considering my ‘formidable’ culinary skills, I must ask that people NOT make meals to bring over to him (this is very painful …). Same thing applies to fresh baked goods or bakery items; only pre-packaged cakes, cookies, etc. are allowed, so please, no yummy, freshly baked stuff. Basically, the rule of thumb is that he is only allowed pre-packaged items for at least 3 months, possibly longer, due to the fact that we cannot control food preparation. If you live very close by us here in Needham and would be willing to learn all of the ins and outs of transplant meal preparation, let me know and I would, most gratefully, educate you on the ins and outs of transplant meal preparation and will help you, most willingly, get the meal over to us in the most expeditious manner!!! Debra’s prediction for 2005--- Purell and paper towels will be very big and all the rage with the people-in-the-know! Keepin’ your world clean and dust-free. Debra.
‘She said, “Where ya been?” I said, “No place special”
She said, “You look different.” I said, “Well, not quite”
She said, “You been gone.” I said, “That’s only natural”
She said, “You gonna stay?” I said, “Yeah, I just might”’
Bob Dylan - Isis

January 12, 2005
Day +28
Those who Jive in the Ozer Realm:
The counts continue to climb (ANC = 1,954; WBC counts of 3,100 or so with 4,000 being the lower end of normal) and Sunday feels imminent and potent. He did spike a low fever of 100.6 late in the afternoon, which was treated with Tylenol and is, hopefully, nothing to be concerned about. It would definitely be a hit to his morale if his discharge was delayed, but it is the way of things after a transplant; all will be well one day and a complication can set in the next morning. There seems to be no crystal ball or accounting for a guaranteed smooth ride just because all seems to be heading on protocol. He continues to feel extremely tired and weak, which frustrates him enormously. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to cope with physical weakness when you’ve been the quintessence of physical ability and strength your entire life. Watching him lie in bed, feeling drained and discouraged, did kind of get me to wondering why no one from physical therapy was working with him in advance of discharge to give him a head start, since his platelets are up and it’s safer to do physical work. I came to find out that the PT department does one assessment only to make sure that the patient is mobile and able to get around when home, and that is about the extent of it. I realize that I’m not a medical professional, but I just don’t understand why there is no one who can see the wisdom, both mentally and physically, in a more pro-active PT approach (insurance issues perhaps?). Feeling perturbed and bitchy about it (actually I’m bitchy about many things these days-LOL!), I put in a call to Deb Yolin and sorta, kinda demanded, in my sweet, inimitable way, that she put in an order for PT for the duration of his stay. Mission accomplished and I will be checking tomorrow to make sure that he has been visited and placed on a workable PT program. Meanwhile, I continue my homecare education, and will be reviewing his litany of medications tomorrow afternoon, after an initial consult today with Deb Yolin. We finally also have an area in which Dennis and I can claim total commonality during this experience. When I came in to visit in the afternoon, Mr. Healthy Eatin’ Close-to-Nature Man was jonesin’, big time, for a hot dog, of all things. Those who know me well (that would be you Sari) will recall that’s the delicacy I endlessly craved when pregnant the 2nd time. I first got a clue that I was pregnant with Jake when I wolfed down 6 of them in a row at a Celtics game we attended, much to Sari and Dennis’ disgust and disbelief. Dennis forbade me to eat them after that, fearing that his kid would come out as a giant nitrate. Next game we went to, I kept saying that I had to go to the bathroom, and would buy 2 hot dogs at a time and hide in a phone booth to chow them down. Yo Dennis, hot dogs are the world’s most basic comfort food; nitrates build character!
And, on that regressive note, I go to attend to Bronte’s most basic needs. Continuing the countdown. Debra.
‘Trust yourself
Trust yourself to know the way that will prove true in the end
Trust yourself
Trust yourself to find the path where there is no if and when
Don’t trust me to show you the truth
When the truth may only be ashes and dust
If you want somebody you cam trust, trust yourself
Well, you’re on your own, you always were
In a land of wolves and thieves
Don’t put your hope in ungodly men
Or be a slave to what somebody else believes’
Bob Dylan – Trust Yourself

January 11, 2005
Day +27
Obviously Ozer Believers (Dylan song reference):
There’s nothing this woman loves more than a strongly engraftin’, graphics lovin’, Dylan quotin’ kinda man. Dennis’ ANC keeps climbing and is now at 1,581; lots of action will take place in this final week (it feels sooooo good to say ‘final’) in terms of weaning him off his IV meds, getting everything in pill form and just generally ascertaining every microscopic detail of his health and progress before he is discharged, so we have a firm baseline from which to observe him at home. He continues to have a light rash, which was biopsied today, and will more than likely end up being diagnosed as mild GvHD. Again, this is not a bad thing and is just indicative of the engraftment activity that is very obviously taking place. Considering that GvHD can be quite severe, I feel we’ll be getting off easy if this is the extent of it for him. Of course, I have all but memorized the Big Book of Stem Cell Transplantation, as I have come to call the handy-dandy reference book that was bequeathed to us when we first realized that a transplant was in our future, but now I am in heavy education mode in terms of his ongoing care when discharged. There is much to know and manage and it will take us time to fall into a secure, confident routine. I think we all, Dennis included, will feel a mite paranoid and over protective for the first 2 weeks to a month of his being home, concerned that every speck of dirt and dust may affect him adversely. It is truly a bit of a struggle to even attempt to keep a spotless, germ-free home when you have kids and a canine (though I would venture that Bronte is the cleaner one in a showdown between dog and human children), but this is one challenge, among many, that I will gladly take on as long as it goes hand-in-hand with his return to our unassuming suburban abode. My new mantra? Clean is good, clean is good, clean is good …… Renovatin’ mama here is just about done with the most involved projects and the heavy cleaning; there are only a few quick replacements that are hanging out there awaiting completion. Thursday will be dedicated to stocking up on safe, yet palate tempting food items that will hopefully spark Dennis’ appetite (I see much stir fry and pre-packaged deli in my future), Friday, the big white wonder dog will get bathed and groomed to remove all those annoying germs, mold, fungi and the like which snow rollin’ dogs tend attract, and Saturday will be a final wash and dust off of the entire house in anticipation of the best Sunday of this humble little family’s life. Coming home to the Patriots playoff opener and watching it with his boys – does it get much better? Stirring the wok, priming the Purell pump. Debra.
‘Something there is about you that moves with style and grace
I was in a whirlwind, now I’m in some better place
My hand’s on the sabre and you’ve picked up the baton
Something there is about you that I can’t quite put my finger on’
Bob Dylan – Something There is About You
The small things count so much – thank you Dana and Jill for letting me know that you are donating platelets and blood. Thank you Carol and David for having the kids and me over for a spontaneous dinner when I was exhausted from cleaning. Thank you, Amy M., for talking, listening and sharing with me the other day at the hospital. Thank you Jack for your eloquent, consistent e-mails and the concern that shines through each one. Thank you Jay and the entire GOL staff for Dennis’ Umbilical Bear, birth date 12/15/04 (will explain this one to all in another update). Truly so many to thank, but these particular gestures just hit home at simply the right moments. Namaste and love.

January 10, 2005
Day +26
Ozer Optimistic:
What is our world coming to when Michael Moore and Mel Gibson make nice and Mel publicly criticizes Bush on Iraq (see People’s Choice Awards)? What to do when the ideologies get mixed up – LOL!
Had to say that – forgive me, bear with me. Our man in Studio 54 officially hit the mark today with an ANC of 1,177 and WBC of 2,200. He is no longer considered neutropenic (neutropenia is an abnormally small number of neutrophil cells; a type of white blood cells that help fight infection) and, as long as his ANC is over 1,000 tomorrow, they will begin to peel back his antibiotics and convert all his meds to pill form. His appetite is picking up, but it will be slow going for several months when he gets home in terms of building strength to eat 3 squares. Although his ANC as it the marks and will, hopefully, do the same tomorrow, it will still be several more days before he can officially be discharged as there are other milestones that need to be reached before he can safely return home. We are anticipating a release date of this Sunday, January 16th. I will give more detail regarding visitation and all of that in subsequent updates this week but, suffice it to say, that we will probably have no one over in the first two weeks as his system needs to adjust to the home environment and the people (and canine) in it, and we need to become accustomed to what his needs will be and the routine of taking care of him. No homecoming parties allowed I’m afraid – you will have to raise a glass to his health at home and party with him psychically for now! Tune the third eye in to the Ozer realm! ! Stay tuned to the good news as we wind down to Sunday! She who lives to sanitize and renovate. Debra.
‘Then the sands will roll out a carpet of gold
For your weary toes to be a-touchin’
And the ship’s wise men will remind you once again
That the whole wide world is watchin’
Oh the foes will rise with the sleep still in their eyes
And they’ll jerk from their beds and think they’re dreamin’
But they’ll pinch themselves and squeal and know that it’s for real
The hour when the ship comes in’
Bob Dylan – When the Ship Comes In

January 8 & 9, 2005
Day +24 and Day +25
Those in the Ozer Bandwidth:
It’s truly my pleasure to begin to keep these updates short and simple as we are nearing our goal and home is becoming only a click away for Dennis. Saturday brought his WBC counts up to 1,300 and his ANC, after dropping the previous day, up to 555 (play that number). It’s a sweet thing indeed to pass the first post=transplant milestone – the 500 ANC count. Sunday’s counts bounced further to 1,460 for his WBC and a whopping 890 for his ANC. He continues to receive platelets and whole blood and will probably need to from some time. But, more than anything else, he is beyond ready to go and I just want the week to go quickly for him and for that ANC to stay over 1,00 for two days running. Onward to homecoming day. Debra.

January 7, 2005
Day +23
Ozer Acolytes:
Some counts go up and some go down but, overall, the picture is a thing of beauty. Dennis WBC counts were 800, up from 680, but his ANC was 312, down from 421. The ANC is a rather complex formula comprised of certain elements of the WBC network that are added together, multiplied by the WBC count and then divided by 100 to get the final ANC. So, in rough summary, if those particular WBC elements are down, it’s still possible for the WBC count overall to be up, but the ANC to be down. Weird science perhaps, but nothing of concern when it comes to Dennis’ recovery. The DFCI staff remains thrilled by his progress and they know of whence they speak. If they’re pleased, you sho’ know I is! He is eating quite well by now, closing in on 3 decent meals a day and, fortunately, has not lost more than about 8-10 lbs. total during this protracted stay. Compare this to the 20 or more lbs. he lost during induction chemo and we have much to be thankful for indeed. His platelets and crit counts are still low, so he will need more of both, probably tomorrow (oh, and have I mentioned the crucial need for blood donation recently?). But his daily progress remains substantial and there is a chance, according to Deb Yolin, if all proceeds as it has the last few days, that he will be returning home mid-next week, substantially upping my renovations stress. And, on that selfish, me-me-me note, you luck out tonight and get a short one. The bald man in Studio 54 sleeps and all remains quiet on the ever-so suburban home front. Weekday, weekend William Street Warrior. Debra.

January 6, 2005
Day +22
Ozer Faithful:
We climb,we climb! This is what we have all been waiting for and, at the risk of giving it a Jewish whammy, it feels so good to report. WBC counts went from 570 to 680. Even better, the magical, mystical ANC went from 230 to 421 and is fast approaching that first goal of 500. Please be aware, as I remind myself daily, that it is not unusual for these counts to dip back down before leaping forward again the next day, so do not be concerned if they do drop on a given day. Confirmed engrafting is definitely taking place and there is no going back now. His appetite continues to charge back and he ate more frequently and solidly today; an appetitie and ability to hold down food is as key to discharge as the appropriate blood counts.. More platelets today, more red blood tomorrow to keep his body strong and supported while he does the hard work of building a brand new immune system. He was extremely tired today, more from the work of his body rebuilding this crucial system than anything else and it reminded me of when I was pregnant with Adam and Jake. I was incredibly, ceaselessly exhausted during those first 3 months, when a woman’s body is doing the most urgent work in nurturing and growing this new life within it. In some ways, I think that Dennis’ new immune system, sponsored by his baby stem cells, is performing a very similar function in building something uniquely precious and life sustaining. My 9 months (x 2) of having carried babies is perhaps one commonality that will allow me to feel that I can relate to what he’s going through in this year to come.
A few of you have heeded the call of Amy MacDougal and have requested how to contact DFCI to give platelets and/or blood. You can either visit the Blood Donation webpage for the Kraft Family Blood Donor Centre at DFCI at www.DFCI.org/how/donateblood/ or call 617/632-3660 to set up an appointment. For those of you who are considering donating, my deepest gratitude and blessings. You are truly giving the gift of life. Counting the days and the little WBCs. Debra.
‘You might see me on your crossroads
When I’m a-passin’ through
Remember me how you wish to
As I’m a-driftin’ from your view
I ain’t got the time to think about it
I got too much to get done
Well, I’m a long time comin’
And I’ll be a long time gone’
Bob Dylan – Long Time Gone

January 5, 2005
Day +21
Ozer-rites and Ozer-rellas:
What a difference a day makes (24 little hours … as the song goes)! We got our long awaited bounce today when his WBC count went from 380 to 570. It would seem that the magic formula for discharge lies in his ANC or Absolute Neutrophil Count. Without going into major doctor-speak, suffice it to say that neutrophils are a major component of the white blood cell network that makes for a happy, thriving immune system. Dennis’ ANC is currently at 230; at 500, he will receive the Sacred Seal of Whew! from his doctors (meaning he’s in somewhat of a ‘safety’ zone in terms of any setbacks)and will start to be weaned off meds . He needs to be at 1,000 for two consecutive days in order for him to achieve the Great Escape. While that may seem like a giant way to go, once the counts start to move as they have, they will pick up momentum and reach that point fairly rapidly. By staying ahead of the game and on schedule with his meds, and the effects of the gallbladder ‘sludge’ pill, his nausea seems to, finally, be in check. As a result, his appetite is starting to return and he had himself a whole frappe today, which, in the land of transplant, is a very big thing indeed. Dr. Antin stopped by and declared Dennis his ‘favorite’ patient due to his remarkable progress and, unfortunately, the number of other patients experiencing far greater complications. Talk about making this woman’s day! All in all, he was much more like the Dennis of yore, more energetic and chatty, commentating about the news in his unique Ozer fashion and riding me about my multitudinous renovations of our abode (my favorite query? “Are the paint colors masculine?” Makes me think of The Godfather line “May your first child be a masculine child”). And so the Engraftment Express is gaining steam and I am gratified beyond words to know that the tracks are looking clear of derailment (I just know y’all thinking ‘Now she’s coming with train analogies. Our boy D had better be sprung soon so we can put her out of her literary misery’). When I make myself wince I know it’s time to hit the sidewalks (with Bronte, that is). Advice, analogies and, always, affection. Debra.

January 4, 2005
Day +20
O to the Z to the E to the R:
Time continues to do its thing in a very slow manner down in Studio 54. Blood counts did move, but minimally so, from 340 to 380. I am still anticipating that tomorrow or Thursday will provide the major jump in numbers that will provide Dennis with a much needed morale boost. The Pic line was placed in his arm mid-morning and the peripheral IV lines were removed soon after. The Pic line provides 3 port access and, since one additional port will be needed, they will be replacing one of the peripheral IV’s to support all the meds which continue to be infused into him. His spirits remain on the low side and it’s frustrating to not be able to ‘make it better’ as those who love him want desperately to do. After 28 days in the hospital, there are few words that will serve to lift his spirits other than ‘those counts are jumping’ followed by a finite day for discharge. Nothing that I, or anyone else, can really say or try to do will replace hearing those marvelous, magic words. It remains a time to just be there in whatever capacity is needed and to listen, with respect, when anger and frustration needs to be vented and sadness rules the moment.
On another note, I realize that my tendency to lecture can become tiresome, but living through an experience such as this will turn you into an advocate forevermore. Often, the only way to bring about consistent change is to talk about it ad nauseum (I hesitate to use that word these days!) and to hit people over the head with it. One of the very wonderful phenomenon that has come out of the sorrow and struggles of Dennis’ illness, is the opportunity to meet incredible people who may not have walked into your life otherwise. One such person is today’s ‘Guest Speaker’ Amy MacDougal. Dennis and I originally met Amy through our friend and colleague Jack Ford, generous host of some truly lovely parties that we have attended. Amy has reached out to me tremendously throughout Dennis’ illness and it soon became apparent that t I had found a terrific new woman friend and a kindred soul. Amy has both been an advocate and platelet donor for many years, and her commitment is truly inspiring. She is religiously dedicated to her platelet donations and has made it a priority in her very busy life. The following, written by the ever magnificent Ms. MacDougal, recounts her experience with platelet donation, her reasons for doing so, as well as the process itself in great detail. I respectfully and humbly ask each of you who have been touched by Dennis to strongly consider honoring him as Amy continues to honor those who have been through cancer and have touched her life. With that, I turn the podium over to Ms. Mac ----

Dennis and other cancer patients like him need platelets (which help blood clot). Fortunately, people like you and me have lots of them to give. Due to a childhood blood illness (which ironically deprived me of platelets at the time), I am not able to give blood--but I am able to donate platelets. After being rejected as a blood donor at alocal blood drive, I called Dana-Farber and set up an appt. to inquire about platelet donation.
Speaking from personal experience after over 50 donations, I can say that the process has many plusses and very few negatives. The Kraft Family Blood Center gives me free parking at the nearby Smith garage.
I fill out a one-page questionnaire (ever used drugs? had hepatitis? shared needles lately?), then have my blood tested for low-iron (ladies: the nurses swear that if you drink a glass or two of red wine the night before, you won't have an anemia problem. yet another plus!), blood pressure and temp taken, my weight is asked (honor system--no scale needed!) and after I pass all those tests, I enter the donation room and am asked to select a movie. Not an old black-and-white movie either--a current movie that I'd find at Blockbuster, all courtesy of local video stores and generous donors. Sometimes I will bring my own if I've seen the newer ones, but their selection is great. I lay down on a comfortable bed with elevated head and feet, put some headphones on, look up at my personal viewing screen and watch my movie. While I am having my every need attended to--being covered with a warm blanket, my nose scratched if I need it--the nurse is swabbing my left arm (the "return" arm) and drawing several tubes of blood. These will be tested for AIDS, hepatitis, and various other blood-borne illnesses. The other arm is then swabbed (the "pump" arm) and a similar needle inserted. The blood goes out of my right arm (I am given a foam pad to squeeze to keep the blood moving, thus the name "pump" arm), into a machine where the blood is spun in a centrifuge, the platelets are removed (by magic--I'm sure there is actually a scientific name for it, but it seems miraculous to me!) and then returned into my body (sans platelets) via the return arm. If you want to read while you are donating, you can have the blood come out of your arm and have it returned into one of the veins in that arm's hand, leaving the other hand free to turn pages. I hate having needles in my hand, so I never use this option, but I have seen others do it quite often. The arm(s) where the needles are can't be moved during donation, so you have to keep your arms still--but you can move your legs and head and neck if you want to. DOES IT HURT? The only part that "hurts" is when I am stuck with a needle in each arm, after that the needles are taped down and I honestly don't feel it until they are removed. I can't feel the blood coming out or going in. Sometimes I feel a tickling on the bridge of my nose or a tingling in my gums; this is caused by whatever they put into the blood when it is returned, but a nurse will give me Tums (calcium) which for some magical reason (lots of magic involved here, you can tell I'm not a clinician!) makes the tingling go away. Another interesting fact I've learned is that platelets are yellowish-white, not red, and they only have a shelf-life of 3 days (unlike blood, which can be stored).
OTHER PLUSSES: Besides the free movie, warm bed and pampering, not to mention TWO UNINTERRUPTED HOURS OF A DAY--I get a snack and drink afterwards (BBQ potato chips are especially good), a pound weight loss, and (as the nurses will "warn" you) one glass of alcohol has the equal effect of two the night of your donation. I feel fine afterwards and have gone running, taken a yoga class, and in general gone on with things right after donation--I never feel weak or lightheaded. The best part, however, is knowing that my platelets will be used in the next few days for Dennis or others who need them in their fight. Two hours seems like nothing compared to what they are going through 24/7.YOU CAN DONATE EVERY 2 WEEKS. Because you lose so little blood and manufacture platelets so quickly, you can donate platelets every other week. If you donate 20 times in one year, your name will be listed in the DFCI year-end pamphlet. Mostly, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing how much you've helped someone else with little cost to yourself.
Please consider platelet donation--it is easy, not painful, and even one donation can mean someone a world of difference to someone.

Speaking loud, speaking proud. Debra.

‘What good am I if I know and don’t do
If I see and don’t say, if I look right through you
If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin’ sky
What good am I?
What good am I then to others and me
If I’ve had every chance and yet fail to see
If my hands are tied must I not wonder within
Who tied them and why and where I must have been?
Bob Dylan – What Good Am

January 3, 2005
Day +19
Ozer Humans:
The blood counts continue to climb, from 270 to 340 this time, albeit not quick enough for Dennis. The next two weeks will definitely be difficult for him until he sees a tangible large jump from day to day. More platelets and more red blood products so, although his numbers climb, they’re not quite there yet and still require support. The nausea continues to be a problem, but seems to be more a by-product of a sluggish gallbladder that has built up what they call ‘sludge’, and an elevation in his bilirubin level, than an actual chemo-related nausea. And, yes, there is a little white pill to treat sludge (industrial strength Drano, I guess). Unfortunately, he has been unable to eat much for the last few days and has dropped a few pounds. How scary that he will have to rely on my cooking to fatten him back up once he gets home. Fortunately, he has my mother, who has carried on the grand Kessler/Shriberg tradition of fine Jewish cooking. That particular gene seems to have passed me by. Hi cultures have remained negative for the past 3 days, indicating that the infection has indeed cleared up. Best of all, this allows the staff to place a more permanent Pic Line in his arm for infusions and blood draws. Again, I felt a bit of a need to intervene to make this happen yesterday, as his nurses were saying he had to remain temperature free before the line could be placed, and he had been spiking low grade fevers. That was the first that I heard of that qualification and, after seeing his arms swollen and black and blue from the various IV points, I wasn’t accepting it without speaking to his transplant team. Our main PA, Deborah Yolin, was on vacation, but her back-up team member was called in and, after some discussion, she agreed to place the line tomorrow as long as the ID people (Infectious Disease) gave her their okay. When I write my ‘Cancer 101’ guide, there will be a very key chapter dedicated to advocating for your patient and pushing for decisions to be made and made rapidly. It borders on ludicrous to see how much pain he is in anytime anything is infused into the IV lines in his hands. While I understand their necessity and the protocol that needs to be adhered to before the Pick can be placed, it seems grossly unfair for him to suffer from these with all else that he has had to deal with. These are very long days for him and for those of us here at home; time becomes a substantive, significant thing.
Ah, but I feel a DDM (Deep Debra Moment) coming on and will spare you that on this day so early in our new year. Wine, a walk, weighty words from Bob. Feeling the sweep of the second hand. Debra.
‘Oh, the leaves began to fallin’
And the seas began to part
And the people that confronted him were many
And he was told but these few words
Which opened up his heart
“If ye cannot bring good news, then don’t bring any”
Bob Dylan – The Wicked Messenger

January 1st & 2nd 2005
Day +17 & +18
Ozer Minions:
Welcome to 2005. Our New Year’s day gift was seeing Dennis’ WBC counts go from 140 the previous day, to 290 on Saturday. Hopefully, by mid-next week, we’ll see his counts double and triple each day until we hit the magic number (I’m still finding out exactly what that is) for 2 consecutive days, and our man can then be officially sprung from Studio 54. Although his cultures have been coming back clean and negative, he still continues to spike small fevers, which knock him down a bit, but they fortunately, seem to resolve themselves without Tylenol or other intervention. I spent a good part of New Year’s day with him, but he was exhausted and nauseous for most of the day today (Sunday, January 2), so I ended up running errands and staying home with the kids while he slept the day away. Again, he has received both whole blood and platelets to support his baby immune system as it does its engraftment thing. Hopefully, he will have a better day tomorrow and we’ll see his counts jump upward again and begin to do so more reliably (they held steady today but did not increase). As I’ve mentioned before, Dennis is feeling the mental strain of being in the hospital this long and gets anxious to see his counts improve more continuously, signaling that discharge day is near. As with much else in this ordeal, the ability to impact the rise of his counts is something completely beyond his control, and that in itself, is enormously frustrating. Despite this, his mind remains strong and focused and his spirit resolute, in keeping the good mental karma flowing as those stem cells dig in and gain hold. I am hoping that the next few days will see both a precipitous decline in the chemo-related nausea, as I think it has peaked over the last few days, and solid confirmation of the rapidly increasing blood count patterns that will lead to ‘official’ engraftment.
I’m still dealing with getting the house physically ready for him on this end. I’ve done a tremendous amount of painting and systems renovation knowing that, once he’s home, I won’t be able to do any kind of construction, painting or anything potentially chemically caustic for a year or two. We’ve had to put in a completely new, cleaner burning heating and air conditioning system, along with cleaning out all the ductwork (it was like a cat and dog hair farm in there), and placing an ultra violet light system inside the ducts to retard the growth of germs. Our wood butcherblock style kitchen table had to go (wood surfaces are more prone to bacteria and germs than are granite or glass), as did our baffled blinds that had too many nooks and crannies that could trap dust and dirt. We pulled up any carpeting we had left from when we moved in (carpeting, all in all, is tremendously unhealthy, especially if you have allergies), put down hardwood flooring and had to rebuild our staircases, which were originally built with the idea that they would be covered with carpet. We also pulled down any old wallpaper that, again, was in the house when we moved in, and re-painted the majority of the walls in the house to make them easy to keep clean and sanitary. This week we’ll concentrate on pulling out everything from the kitchen cabinets and drawers in order to wash them down and disinfect them. The same must be done for the refrigerator. That will be followed, at the beginning of the week when he comes home (if he comes home as scheduled), with a thorough cleaning and disinfecting of the entire house (quite the challenge with two boys, let me tell you). Lysol Sanitary Wipes and Purell Hand Disinfectant have become my new best friends. I have started to wipe down everything, thousands of times per day, in a really obsessive-compulsive manner, and make the kids wash and Purell their hands if they even look at me the wrong way. I never thought I would become a sanitary freak, but I have recently learned to never say never ‘bout anything. So, if you do ever come over to La Casa Goodman/Ozer once Dennis is back, expect my homestead to be as clean as the board of health and do not be offended when I liberally and frequently douse you with Purell. There will not be one live germ left anywhere alive on yo’ butt once you’ve stepped out of my door! In the end, the kids will have the toughest adjustment as, once Dennis is home, their friends will be officially banished in the name of keeping germs out of the house and to the greatest minimum possible. I will be dependent on the good graces of my children’s friends to welcome Adam and Jakob into their homes, without recpirocation, for the next 6 months to a year. We have had many a sleep-over and a very open door, come-to-our-house-for-that-playdate policy these last few months, in anticipation of the unavoidable changes to come. But I’ll tell you, boys and girls, I would sanitize and Purell the very Gates of Hades to bring the homeboy home healthy and keep him that way. Sanitizin’ your hands, but never your mind. Debra.
‘Wait until your memory clears, then welcome her to Rome.
The desert of your misspent years that led you to her home.
Don't hold her up to sunlight, she'll melt into the blue.
Don't make her shout through static if you want to hear the truth,
'Cause she's got 44 stories; She's got 44 stories;
She's got 44 stories: she wants to tell them all to you’
Roseanne Cash – 44 Stories

December 31, 2004 (New Year's Eve)
Day +16
Friends and Family:
A more in control day at Studio 54. Dennis is back on his round-the-clock anti-nausea meds, including a new drug, which is administered by patch. I was enormously relieved to see that Soheir was his nurse today. While I understand that, like all of us, nurses have to start somewhere and grow into veteran nurses through experience, somehow it just doesn’t feel good for them to gain that experience on his watch and at his expense. I know this is not nice, over-reaction on my part and pretty unfair to boot, but hey, such is what happens to ones thought processes when dealing with a catastrophic illness. Superwoman left the building a long time ago. You get the good and you get the ugly in these updates; such is the human condition. But I digress …. The magnificent Betsy Cohen, Dennis’ other wife, came with me to visit today and I think he enjoyed the song, dance and soft shoe shuffle we rolled out for his entertainment and edification (Betz and I can be very funny when on a roll). He was extremely tired and was dozing a bit while we were there, but sleep is preferable by far to yesterday’s unremitting nausea and vomiting. His WBC dropped a bit (from 170 to 140), but this can be attributed to their need (his WBCs, that is) to take a detour from the Engraftment Express to concentrate on fighting the infection that was present in his body. What’s extremely heartening is the fact that his body is doing just what it’s supposed to do by engaging in battle with an invading infection. All systems are functioning properly, and that in itself is a grand victory. He continues to receive platelets and whole blood on a daily alternating basis; so again, if you find yourself asking what to do to help, DONATE, DONATE, DONATE! The need is tremendous and my lectures are unmerciful and incessant. Blessings to those of you have e-mailed to let me know you have started donating. Give with a humble, generous heart …. for truly, there but for the grace of God, as the saying goes.
And so 2004 closes out tonight. I look forward to 2005 bringing Dennis home engrafted and ready to re-embrace his health, his family and friends who love him and all the lessons learned for the second part of his journey on this planet. Love, health, faith and happiness in 2005 to all the magnificent souls who have touched our lives. You have kept us fed, functioning, fighting fitfully and with great faith as we stand together, ready to face the gates of hell, to bring our glorious man back home – and home he shall come. Bet on it. Our love for you is immeasurable, our gratitude indescribable. Namaste. Debra.

December 30, 2004
Day +15
Those in Ozer:
Dennis felt a bit better today as it seems that the infection is growing weaker and should clear his system altogether by the end of the weekend. Since the lines were pulled on the 28th, all subsequent cultures have remained negative, so, although IV lines are not as comfortable to work with, it was a wise and necessary decision to remove the Hickmans. His crit was down to 24 today, necessitating 2 units of blood and an additional IV line in his right hand (there are already 2 set up in his left) to accommodate all the meds that are being dispensed. When Betty, the IV technician, came in to place the additional IV line, it was discovered that tape palced too tightly to hold the left-hand IV’s in place, was the source of the majority of the pain he was having from the lines. Too tight tape; how old school. Once she adjusted and re-taped the IVs, it seemed to ease most of his discomfort. His nausea was extremely bad while I was visiting today, and we came to find out that, for some reason which remains completely unknown to me, he was removed from some of his scheduled anti-nausea meds (Adivan in particular). It was placed on a PRN only basis (as needed and requested by the patient) instead of being automatically hung and administered. Dennis didn’t realize that he wasn’t getting it around the clock, his two younger, less experienced nurses didn’t realize it, so no one thought to ask about it until I got in, saw how badly nauseous he was, and questioned why his drug mix was no longer working. In addition, they ran out of Marinol on the floor and, 2 hours after requesting it from the pharmacy, were still waiting while his nausea got uncontrollable to the point of being unable to keep anything down orally. We finally called Deborah Yolin in to straighten it all out and get him back on course with his scheduled nausea meds. A little yelling and screaming from Deborah also produced the desired Marinol. When I left for the evening, he was receiving his 1st unit of blood and was drifting off to sleep with the help of the Benedryl administered to safeguard against any reactions during the transfusion. Deborah Y. felt that he might be in for a few more days of feeling punky, but that he is, overall, still keeping positively to protocol. His WBC counts are slowly rising and, most importantly, the crucial monocyte and neutrophil components of his WBCs are multiplying daily. As long as this infection stays in check and no new infections appear, Deborah is hoping to see his counts jump considerably by mid next week indicating that complete engraftment is taking place. If all continues smoothly after that point, he could be back home in less than two weeks. So, may the waters stay calm and glassy so the boat can steer a clear course and dock as scheduled. I have no idea where that seafaring analogy came from, but it just seem to aptly capture the gist of it. Scary things can happen when you’re tired!
On a different note … when my friend Evie was sick with Lymphoma (she is now in remission), and started a website similar to this one, she posted a ‘how to’ manual of sorts called Cancer 101. I have decided, when Dennis is safely home, that I will humbly attempt one of my own born out of all that we have experienced and learned during this most challenging time in our lives. While I fervently hope and pray that none of you who gaze upon this EVER have to live through anything remotely like this, I also realize the odds are that someone, unfortunately, will encounter cancer or some other catastrophic illness and will have their world and their lives forever rocked and altered as ours have been. For those who will go through it, for family and friends who will take the journey with you, for neighbors who may live next door to you, for teachers and educators, for your children’s friends and parents, for those who know you from temple, church and mosque and for everyone who truly wants to know how to help, what to do and what needs are most urgent and necessary, it will, hopefully, provide guidance, help and comfort. And, at a time when you will be most unable to articulate your needs and ask for help, it should provide those who care to know firm direction on backing up that “how can I help” question, or “call me if you need anything” reply to your difficult news, with practical, hands-on action. I am no expert and everyone’s experience will be different, but there are certain commonalities and plain ol’ common sense and compassion that, when practiced and applied with an open heart and hand, can make all the difference between just getting by and getting by with strength, resolution and a feeling of caring and community. It ain’t all about just the medicine, folks!
Since I’ve gotten all lengthy on y’all, I’ll wrap it up quickly with one final thought and then go do my Dawg Walk Thang. As I watched continuing coverage of the Tsunami Crisis today, I heard that the earthquake event was strong enough to actually wobble the Earth on its axis and permanently alter its course of rotation. If I ever searched for the perfect analogy to sum up the impact cancer has when it enters your life, I do believe I might have found it. But the planet continues to spin, altered but enduring, and thus so shall we. Debra.

December 29, 2004
Day +14 (the 2 week mark)
Place of all things Ozer:
Not much change today. The infection has definitely tired him out somewhat and he’s been sleeping quite a bit. The nausea has been persistent and it seems like it will require some patience to find the correct mix of drugs at exactly the right time to keep it in check. The IV’s in his hands are painful and uncomfortable as there are quite a lot of drugs going through them, but there isn’t much to be done until the infection clears (probably another day or two) and a more permanent line can be set up in his arm. No matter how prepared the staff tried to make us for the eventuality of a downswing from the ‘smoother course’, when it hits, it hits hard. Intellectual reasoning cannot always overcome emotional response and the last two days have definitely left Dennis feeling more down than he has been throughout this second admittance. When I suggested today that he talk about it with his social worker, I found out that the piece of the protocol calling for a social worker assigned specifically to him seems to have slipped through the cracks somehow. I have been assuming that he has had ongoing visitations with the very wonderful social worker from his induction chemo stay, but it would seem that no one has been to see him in over two weeks. I’m sort of kicking myself for not catching on to this sooner as assumptions are usually the Anti Christ in my book of everyday conduct. I made some phone calls this afternoon and should have this odd administrative oversight rectified tomorrow morning. While he can talk to me, to other family members and to friends who hold him near and dear, I strongly feel that he needs to share what he is going through with a clinician who is familiar with the experiences of a cancer/transplant patient. I love this man with everything I have, but it would be both arrogant and ignorant of me to even start to imagine that I can understand what he is going or has been through. Only those who have walked that path or work daily alongside those who do can make that claim and reach out in that capacity. My contributions to this journey come in many other ways. Although I stay pretty damned humbled about it all from this vantage point, I can also readily acknowledge the crucial role that I play and won’t start to act the martyr (that’s just plain silliness) about it’s worth in the big picture of Dennis’ treatment. But I also know what my limitations are and would no more attempt to act the clinical social worker specializing in transplant patients than I would endeavor to be Dr. Antin or Dr. Stone. Everyone’s got their something.
But, verily, I feel me, once again, veering towards the slippery slope of overtly emotional, barely intelligible mutterings and pontifications. Must stop before it is too late and the digital minions run screaming. We will get through these rough patches as Dennis’ spirit and Brooklyn constitution is not one to be kicked down for very long. He is still very much heading in a positive direction from a protocol point-of-view, and both you know and I know that the Peanut man was born to inspire and endure! Hand on the wheel, heart in Studio 54. Debra.
‘You’re a man of the mountains, you can walk on the clouds
Manipulator of crowds, you’re a dream twister
You’re going to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care?
Ain’t nobody there would want to marry your sister
Friend to the martyr, a friend to the woman of shame
You look into othe fiery furnace, see the rich man without any shame’
Bob Dylan – Jokerman (Debra’s all time favorite Dylan jam)

December 28, 2004
Day +13
OzerNation:
While all signs remain on course, some of the concerns that were predicted have started to appear. I took Adam in today for a visit and, although we stayed for several hours and truly enjoyed our time with him, he was receiving another round of platelets (and Benedryl to counteract any reactions during the platelet transfusion) and was very tired and trying valiantly to stay awake for us. His beard started to come out this morning while he was washing up, so he was shaved and will soon be buzzed back down before he loses the rest of his hair (I feel like I cursed him by mentioning his hair in my last update!). One of the newer antibiotics seems to have caused a strange rash that was manifesting itself with large spots and, by the end of the day, an infectious disease team had come in to biopsy a few of the affected areas to make sure that it was indeed only a drug rash. There is a possibility that the rash could also be the first indication of Graft versus Host Disease, not a bad sign necessarily, as GvHD lets us know that engraftment is taking place rapidly. Results of the biopsy should be available tomorrow (Wednesday) and I will update everyone as soon as I know more. A bit more troublesome is the infection itself. After receiving back the previous night’s round of cultures, it was discovered that the organism which was caused the infection was actually sticking to the lines placed in his chest for the Hickman catheter, further exacerbating the infection and necessitating the permanent removal of both lines (with his platelets as low as they are, replacing the lines when the infection has cleared is not an option). He will now receive all his transfusions through IV lines placed in both arms. Because he was already being treated with antibiotics when the IV lines were freshly placed, there are no concerns that the new lines will become similarly affected by the infection. Besides being potentially dangerous (although it has been caught early enough), the infection can also delay final engraftment which, considering the speed of his progress, is the last thing anyone wants to see happen. But, as I mentioned before, the infection was detected and treated early and rapidly, so it should clear up within the next few days. I last spoke to him at around 8:00p.m., and he was waiting for an intern to come to his room to pull the lines (a far easier procedure than placing them). While I don’t like to see complications of any sort, I am being reassured by the ever wonderful Deborah Yolin that these are just ‘bumps in the road’ and not major setbacks. The staff has been sterling in terms of disseminating information to me quickly and candidly, so I truly believe that Deborah tells it like it is, be it great news or otherwise, shall we say. While I remain strong, resolute and sure in my faith of the ultimate outcome of all this, the grays hairs sure be poppin’ up baby! This is when make-up and hair color comes in supremely handy! So, before I further divulge all of my beauty secrets in a moment of weakness, I am off for a walk on the Bronte side of life (my 98 lb. comic relief). Hunkered down in the trenches. Debra.
‘We banged the drum slowly
And played the fife lowly
You know the song in my heart
In the turning of twilight
In the shadows of moonlight
You can show me a new place to start’
Bob Dylan – Where Teardrops Fall

December 27, 2004
Day +12
People of the Ozer Persuasion:
And back up go the blood counts today. Both Dr Antin and Deborah Yolin remain thrilled and encouraged by his progress, but with that progress has come days of not feeling so well and the inevitable higher fever (101.8 and above) that I was told to expect. After reviewing his most recent blood cultures, there does seem to be a minor systemic infection, which they are treating by changing out his current program of antibiotics with newer medications to more particularly address the current infection. But his chest x-rays were essentially negative and small, non-specific infections are almost par for the course with this protocol. Although his white blood counts are moving onward and upward, his platelets remain extremely low and he will require several platelet transfusions over the next few days, perhaps longer to bridge the gap. As tired and rundown as he feels, he always manages to move, get in a morning walk and, just generally, stay sitting up and alert for as long as possible. His nausea has been kicking up a notch, but he has found that if he takes a Marinol at around 5a.m., it seems to work to keep things settled until lunchtime or the next dose, whichever comes first. So the news is good and I get another restful night. Time to go and watch Bronte play in the snow. The pure joy and delight she exhibits when plowing and making doggy angels in the fresh, white snow, always feels like a miracle to watch. Miracles of a scientific, medical nature and miracles born out of the natural order of the earth. They all feel like blessings and it’s an honor to bear witness. Maudlin sometimes, but motorin’ ahead. Debra.

December 26, 2004
Day +11
One Nation Under the O:
As predicted, Dennis’ blood counts fell from the previous day. All is all, he had a slightly rougher day, with some nausea during the night and a late fever, which hit about 100.9 and necessitated cultures. In addition, one of his interns noticed a mild amount of congestion in one lung, so he also had a chest x-ray and they will be keeping a close watch on the condition over the next few days. While an initial glance at the x-ray did not seem to indicate anything problematic, we still have not received a final reading from a radiologist to confirm as such (though we don’t expect to see anything of major concern). All of this is the normal reaction that one would expect to see in the pre-engraftment period, but it again illustrates that we have a long way to go and many things that could potentially happen. He also received platelets yesterday (plus two units of whole blood the day before), and will continue to receive supportive blood products, on a somewhat daily basis, as his immune system and his counts work towards full recovery. So we watch, we wait, we do the blood-counts tango. Learning the steps, ever vigilant. Debra
‘Times passes slowly up here in the mountains
We sit beside bridges and walk beside fountains
Catch the wild fishes that float through the stream
Time passes slowly when you’re lost in a dream.
Time passes slowly up here in the daylight
We stare straight ahead and try so hard to stay right
Like the red rose of summer that blooms in the day
Time passes slowly and fades away’
Bob Dylan – Time Passes Slowly

December 25, 2004
Day +10 – The Start of Engraftment
Friends and Family:
It would seem that we received a most wonderful gift this particular Christmas day. Dennis’ white blood cell counts have started to rise, indicating the beginning of the engraftment process. But, like all great things in life, we still have to throw out a few caveats, ‘disclaimers’ and words of caution such as the following –A) his counts will probably fluctuate down and back up before starting to climb consistently; B) we need 2 consecutive days of counts at a particular level before officially calling it an engraftment; C) this is the point where Graft versus Host Disease can start to make it’s presence felt; and D) infection is still a major issue. That all said, we are still undeniably thrilled and grateful that it would seem that these well traveled baby stem cells have decided to settle in for what we hope to be a veddy, veddy long while. Taking all these caveats into account, I expect nothing but good things as the days and weeks progress (and we are still looking at probably at least 2 weeks or more before the word ‘discharge’ starts to enter the vocabulary). Dennis continues to look simply mah-velous, grow multitudinous head and facial hair, and show more energy and vitality than any transplant patient that has come before him, choosing to perambulate around his pod as much as possible over lying in bed and letting his stem cells simmer in relative inactivity (this last bit as confirmed by his PA and nurses). Hmm, I see marathons and Tour De Frances in his future. One additional lovely bit of providence that occurred today (other than the factoid that it’s December 25th), was that his nurse de jour was, once again, Soheir, who was there on transplant day, and now also on the first day that we saw the beautiful first signs of engraftment. She is indeed our Studio 54 angel and harbinger of sacred, celestial moments. Stepping cautiously, but letting the good news flow. Debra.
‘I’m taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song
Singing loud and strong
Grooving all day long
I’m taking my freedom
Putting it in my stroll
I’ll be high steppin’ y’all
Letting the joy unfold
I’m livin’ my life like it’s Golden’
Jill Scott - Golden

December 24, 2004
Day +9
Nation United:
All continues on course and in the right direction. It was a very quiet day in Studio 54 as it seems the majority of the staff is off for the Christmas holiday break. Nothing new, other than the normal rounds of doctors and hourly vitals. Dennis’ spirits remain up despite a bit of boredom setting in and his temperature remains within normal range minus a slight fluctuation now and then. I am consistently told by his PA that it’s not a matter of if he will get a fever but when, but I would not be surprised if Dennis defied normal expectations of protocol and didn’t present with any major fevers when al is said and done. But at least I know that, if he does, they are on it, it’s normal and it’s controllable. And so it goes. Merriest Christmas to those who celebrate. Continued love and gratitude to all the internet faithful who bless our lives. Scratchin’ and spinnin’ at Studio 54. Debra

December 23, 2004
Day +8
Ozerees and Ozerettes:
All continues as expected and as it should in Studio 54. Dennis had multi-doctor visitations (as opposed to hallucinations) and is consistently assured that all goes per protocol and that he looks particularly strong and healthy. Although Dennis worries about rejection, Dr. Antin says that there is a 10%, or even less, risk of rejection, especially in the cord protocol versus an adult matched donor transplant. Those are the kinds of percentages we like to hear. When cancer enters your life, everything becomes a tale and a puzzle of numbers; blood counts, blast percentages, days to wait, mortality rates, rejection rates, survival rates. Numbers that bring forth smiles and exclamations, numbers that reduce you to tears. Meanwhile, yesterday’s fever has not returned, and each day without an infection presenting itself is a cause for celebration. While so many around the world will celebrate a titanic holiday tomorrow night, each evening that passes peacefully at Studio 54 is a miniature celebration of victory for Team Goodman/Ozer. So we embody patience and hope for the roulette wheel with all the numbered slots to drop the little ball on the winning digit and spin eternally back in his favor. Science, faith and luck – here’s to hitting the trifecta. Debra.
‘Oh, where have you been my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been my darling young one?
I’ve stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains
I’ve walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways
I’ve stepped in the middle of seven sad forests
I’ve been out in front of a dozen dead oceans
I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, and it’s a hard
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall’.
A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall – Bob Dylan

December 22, 2004
Day +7 p.m.
Ever Ozer:
Short p.m. update. All remains peaceful and on course in Ozer realm. Dennis continues to feel well overall and truly looks great. He’s keeping his weight on, due to an appetitie that’s helped along by the mighty Marinol, and has kept hair and beard in place throughout this course of chemo. Add to all that a great ruddy complexion and, as I have said before, my man outshines me and my freckled, deathly white European complected self, even in illness. He’s also quite a bit more alert (he’s conducting bizniz from his hospital bed), so we were able to pop a movie into the DVD that is provided in the room and watch a DVD together (our choices were Donnie Brasco; GoodFellas and Master and Commander – what, you were expecting Whale Rider?). He received a unit of platelets today as he is now officially at his nadir – the point where his blood counts are as low as they can go before they will start to rise upon engraftment. This is the most dangerous, opportunistic time for any infections to try to take hold, and the nursing staff will be extremely vigilant as will Dennis in terms of mouth care (the place most infections start in chemo patients) and overall cleanliness. He did start to spike a low fever last night (about 100.1) but it resolved itself without going any higher and necessitating cultures and medication. Hell yeah, my man gotsa a strong constitution! And so the day goes into the night and resolves always to the next morning. Bring on day +8. Seeing stem cells in the clouds above. Debra.
‘I guard the well to a century of tears.
I let them fall after hours and all through the years.
And all that I am as I stand here today,
Seems more than enough, so there's nothing more I will say.
You're the last stop before home,
An' I always go home,
You're the last stop and everything I know,
That I always go home’
Last Stop Before Home – Roseanne Cash

December 22, 2004
Day +7 a.m.
OzerNation:
Today is the one week anniversary of Dennis’ transplant. Please check out the ‘Transplant Pix’ link that the ever magnificent Flo and Alycia put up last night (in the tan bar, upper right on this Updates page). I think the photos are truly special and hope a small part of the spirituality and awesome beauty of that day communicates itself to you. It was an experience that has become an indelible part of me, that’s for sure.
On to the reason for such an early morning update. All is well in Studio 54 and I’ll be visiting in a few hours. Our intrepid updater, Flo, will be leaving this afternoon for her holiday vacation with her family. She will probably not have internet access while en route to her final destination, so there may be a few day’s lag between updates. After this one, my next one (Flo calls it the ‘Away in the Manger’ update) will probably be posted on Christmas eve (that would be the 24th for the Yidlach in the crowd). If you do not see a daily update, puh-leeeze do not worry; it only means that Flo and family are doing their Jack Kerouac thing and following the long white stripe to Illinois. We have both agreed that if anything occurs that should be posted immediately, I will call her on her cell and she will find a convenient Starbucks that can provide internet access. We all know that Starbucks has taken over the universe, so I have no doubts that she would be able to find one, even in the barrens of the Mid-West! And please know that my only expectation of any kind of emergency call to her would be to announce an engraftment in Studio 54; considering that the DFCI staff has seen a patient engraft at 10 days, I would not be at all surprised if our boy Peanut (that name cracks me up) sets a new engraftment record and gives it up at 8 or 9 days!
In case I don’t get to post until Christmas eve or after, my deepest blessings and wishes for a happy, healthy Christmas to those who celebrate (to those who don’t – enjoy the Chinese food). Adam, Jakob, Bronte and I love you and thank you for standing with us and showing your love for the O. Be surrounded by joy and generations of family love, and send a little extra X-mas prayer out to the man in Studio 54. Love minus zero, no limits. Debra.

December 21, 2004
Day +6
Those in Ozer:
George W. Bush – Person of the Year? Oiyyy!
Forgive me; had to get that out of my system. Dennis continues to do well and feel well, all things considered. His blood levels continue to drop and he received 2 units of whole blood today, but all of this is fully within the realm of expectation. Although he no longer receives any chemo drugs, he continues on a litany of medications to collectively and individually help to A) prevent Graft versus Host Disease (no signs yet); B) fight infection (none present); C) help boost his white blood cell growth (GCSF/Neupogen) and, D)continue to quell nausea/GI issues and keep him as comfortable as possible. He sounds terrific, relatively speaking, and spoke today of feeling a charge of energy running through his system. While my flaky conclusions have no basis in scientific fact, I would like to think that one of those beautiful cords is doing it’s thing and is sending smoke signals to his brain that it’s there and settling in for a long ride.
Dennis had a ‘playdate’ today with his friend Joel who became the first visitor in to see him other than our Rabbi. I am deeply certain, though he would never admit it, that he was extremely happy to see a face other than the one belonging to I, his beloved, and thank Joel for giving him the inspiration and morale boost of his wonderful presence. All praise and hosannas from the Goodman side of town. And on that I leave you to play Tackle the Debra in the backyard tundra with the Great White Beast from Down South. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a 98lb. dog throw herself at you, in play of course, in the freezing snow. I live for this. Cold, but keeping the home fires burnin’. Debra.
‘Then take me disappearin’ through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow’
Mr. Tambourine Man – Bob Dylan

December 20, 2004
Day +5
Constituents of O:
Short but sweet today in the world of Studio 54. Dennis continues to do extremely well although there is no new news on the blood count front and probably won’t be for at least 10 more days. Then again, I can see these poor little stem cells, heading towards his bone marrow, taking their grand old time but, all the while, being screamed at and haranguing by Dennis to “keep it movin’, keep it movin’, what’s going’ on? Come on, come on, COME ON!’ etc. etc. They’ll engraft faster if only to stop him from hukin-a-chinak (Yiddish for bugging them constantly). Nausea and other GI upsets are being kept at bay, so all is at it should be, and embracing patience becomes the lesson apre transplant. So we wait together and I am so glad that you are with me ringside.
For all of those who continue to ask ‘How can I help?’ and ‘What can I do?’, I ask you again, to consider a very concrete gesture in honor of Dennis during the holiday season and consider the gift of blood and platelets. Pay the feeling forward; share the good fortune in your life and acknowledge the good feelings that O brings to you. Lecture done, enuf’ said. (oh, the burden of being a PC liberal!) To the O to the E (that would be engraftment, y’all). Debra.

December 19, 2004
Day +4
Those who Groove to the Ozer Beat:
As hoped, I brought Jake in today for a fairly extended visit, much to my surprise. Sometimes little O (or little Hyper Man O as I call him) can do the unexpected and be composed, calm and very cute. Thus was the case today. Of course the sleepover last night with his friend where they probably finally fell asleep at Lord knows what time may have helped matters, but one must take the gimme when it is presented. Dennis was extremely happy to see him and it really perked him up along with all of that great Sunday football (multiple games at the same time; that’s why God, in her infinite wisdom, made remotes and cable). Everything seemed to be under control today, from a gastro point of view, so, all in all, a good day it was in Studio 54. We take it hour by hour, and are glad for each hour that passes well and brings us closer to engraftment day, whenever that might be.
Jake and I also had the supreme pleasure and honor of meeting Dennis’ friend from Connecticut (and now mine too) Ronni and her kids Scott and Emily. Ronni’s husband Mark had surgery at B&W a few days ago and Ronni and I have been commiserating and passing like ships in the night as they have stayed close to Mark at the hospital. It was wonderful to laugh and pass time with them (albeit in the lobby of B&W) and I loved them dearly despite the fact that they are rabid Yankees fans and had some harsh, cold words for our World Champion Red Sox. Somehow, when you can follow the words ‘Red Sox’ with the words ‘World Champions’, rabid Yankees fans roll right off of your back (like water off a duck’s as as my Dad always used to say! ! Sleep well tonight Ronni. Spinnin’ the sounds in Studio 54. Debra.
‘I’ll remember you
At the end of the trail
I had so much left to do
I had so little time to fail
There’s some people that
You don’t forget
Even though you’ve only seen ‘em one time or two
When the roses fade
And I’m in the shade
I’ll remember you’
Bob Dylan – I’ll Remember You

December 18, 2004
Day +3
Friends in Ozer:
I brought Adam into the hospital today to see Dennis and we spent several hours there watching the Steelers-Giants game (bummer-we though Eli Manning was going to pull it off and give the Patriots a break). It was a good visit, but it’s so difficult to feel close when you are in mask and gloves, unable to really sit on the bed or have any skin-to-skin contact. We brought Dennis the very good news of Adam’s report card, which was A and B’s with the lowest grade being a B-. I was tremendously relieved after the problems that were cropping up a few weeks ago, and thank all of the teachers in Cluster 1 at Pollard Middle School for the patience and understanding. Adam was pretty patient, although he gave me fits and starts by constantly fiddling with his mask, pulling it down, scratching, fidgeting, etc. Common sense tells me nothing is going to happen in terms of him giving any germs to Dennis, but common sense can often fly out of the window when fear takes it place and you’re tired and stressed. I think Dennis may have been a little disappointed that Adam wasn’t a bit more talkative and engaging with him, but I honestly think Adam was overwhelmed and sad, and was making s strong effort to hold it inside and hide it from his Dad. He was crying when we left the hospital. It’s often hard for us to possibly imagine where Dennis is at and what goes through his mind when he is lying in that bed day after day. But, conversely, I think it may be equally difficult for Dennis to put himself in the place of a 13 year old boy who is hormonal as hell (I sure can relate to that!), needs his Dad, and sees him seriously ill and very vulnerable. Dennis is such a force of nature that I’m sure it was once completely inconceivable for both of the boys to ever have imagined him where he is at now.
On a medical note, he felt fairly well throughout most of the day, but the nausea and diarrhea picked up soon after we left and he sounded unfortunately miserable when I called him at around 7:00p.m.. It seems like he will have several more days of these cyclical GI issues and, like most things in this protocol, they have no way of knowing exactly how many days that might be. Without a doubt, this is more an hour-to-hour thing than even a day-to-day one. As Tom Petty wrote, ‘The waiting is the hardest part’. But, through good days and not so good, I’ll be back in Studio 54. Hunkered down. Debra.
‘The waiting is the hardest part
Every day get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part’
Tom Petty – The Waiting

December 17, 2004
Day +2
Nation Under O:
Dennis had a somewhat better day thanks to drugs, drugs and more drugs. For some reason, the previous stew of Adivan and Marinol did not seem to be doing the trick this time around, leaving him feeling pretty miserable yesterday. Lord knows what Carmela, today’s wonderful nurse, brewed up, but he sure was on one mighty fine legal, monitored high and a much happier boy as a result. He must have made 100 phone calls while deeply in thrall of today’s drugs, as I’m sure many of you who received phone calls can attest to, so something tells me that the Marinol was still in the mix somewhere. What also continues to amaze through all this, is his ability to remain obsessive compulsive with things that are happening physically in the house, at work and with the kids and their schedule. No matter how high, no matter how nauseous, he wants to know all in detail and lets you forget nothing. Quite the incredible mind our man O is in possession of (and no, it’s too early too chalk this up to the German cord; he was like this prior to the transplant) – like a steel trap! So, all signs point forward and we must wait and wait together for his blood counts to rise and let us know that he has achieved engraftment. Light a candle, breath in the night air, enjoy the weekend and what it brings. I go to walk She-of-the-Chocolate-Jones and freeze my butt off.
‘I been walkin’ the road/I been livin’ on the edge/Now, I’ve just got to go/Before I get to the ledge/So I’m going/I’m just going/I’m gone.’ Bob Dylan – Going, Going, Gone.

December 16, 2004

Day +1
O Delegates:
We counted down to Day zero and now the count starts to go up from Day 1 until engraftment day. That will be the second day, along with December 15, 2004, that will always feel like Dennis’ second birthday to me. My gratitude for your e-mails to both of us, and for your love and prayers. Believe me, I felt their power and I felt the force and the energy that were present in those little bags of life yesterday, especially the 1st cord, which seemed to be fairly zinging with vitality as I held it (it’s that Italian thing – I just know it!) But truly folks, some things just are not definable within the ‘everyday’ explanation and experience; the power of the mind and of our life force is equally as potent as the greatest medicine, and is as necessary a part of the healing process when surviving a traumatic illness. As a footnote to a completely indescribable day, I came home to a message from my babysitter Susan, that she was on her way to Beth Israel Hospital as she spoke for a kidney transplant. Susan has been waiting for well over a year for a kidney and has been praying very hard for Dennis. It would seem that when God (or Jesus, or Allah, or the Life Force; -- fill in the blank appropriately) was listening to her prayers, he/she, in his/her infinite wisdom, decided to send Susan her gift of life as well. I am infinitely proud of myself that my first instinct was to be happy for her first before being freaked out that now I have no babysitter to help. Blessings and prayers flow in an eternal circle and now I send them to Susan. And so it goes.
Although all went well yesterday in Studio 54, Dennis is feeling the effects of the pre-conditioning regimen (read chemo drugs) quite forcefully today. His blood counts are going down very rapidly and he has, unfortunately, been nauseous and vomiting most of the day. He’s more tired than he’s been since being admitted for the transplant, and didn’t get out of bed much today. As he said to our friend Bets when she called and said she would call back later, he would either be in bed or in the bathroom throwing up. We have been warned that he’s in for a rough ride for the next few days before he starts to engraft and feel stronger and healthier. There is still much work for the stem cells to do in his body and much work for both Dennis and the nurses and doctors at B&W to keep him infection-free and healthy while waiting. And so, your work is not yet done either! Keep your prayers and welcoming vibes as a low background hum as you go through the moments of your day and keep him tucked close to your hearts when it’s time to dream. We’re well down the path and I can sense the calm waters near. Personal prayers to Susan and Mark Z. Keep the faith, Ronni. ‘Everything is foreseen and everything is revealed, yet everything happens according to man’s will’ The Living Talmud: The Wisdom of the Fathers (when quoting the Talmud, it just ain’t right to correct the gender references, as I am so sorely tempted to do. Would if I could, but know that I shouldn’t!) Crazy in Love. Debra.

December 15, 2004

DAY ZERO
Evening Descends –
The second cord arrived at Studio 54 at 5:00 exactly, on the nose, not a second before, not a second after, and was completed around 5:40p.m. Had to be German. Of course, we will never know for sure as each bag (which we kept and I brought home with me) was marked ‘location confidential’. But I held both those bags and they talked to me (such a flake huh?) and I am just about convinced that bag #1 was the Milan cord and bag #2 was German. Based on real scientific data (Dr. Stone and Dr. Antin would cringe if they read this!) Dennis did fantastically well throughout both and now it becomes a waiting game for engraftment and blood counts to rise. Incredible moments, incredible times. My thanks to Patty and Leslie, the B&W Interfaith Chaplains and to Rabbi Keith Stern for sharing this day with me and sending their very personal, very direct love and prayers to both Dennis and our baby stem cells. There was magic in Studio 54 today. Special love to Soheir for administering these gifts of life and guiding Dennis safely through the day. December 15, 2004, Dennis’ second birthday, a true day of celebration. Onward and upward (as my Dad always said..). Blessings. Debra.

DAY ZERO – PART 2
The Saga continues, Bag #1 is officially infused at 1:38pm, It was a little late; must be the Italian cord. Dennis is feeling terrific, all went smoothly and his vitals are strong. Stay Tuned..........

DAY ZERO – PART I
Ozer Lovers Worldwide:
I just received a call from Dennis’ nurse for today (Soheir – ain’t karma interesting?) with the transplant times. Cord #1 will be infused at 1:00p.m. and Cord #2 will be infused at 5:00p.m. Please take time out of your busy day, at those times, to send the love and send your prayers particularly strong. Welcome and encourage these little bringers of life to become a part of the magnificent O. As we all know so well, they won’t be sorry – it’s the best gig they could ever get!! I’ll be back …..

December 14, 2004
DAY –1
On the Night Before Day Zero
Friends:
It is the night before Day 0 and I am feeling emotional all day in a way I have not felt at any other point during the many months of Dennis’ illness. No matter how difficult or traumatic some of the those moments may have been, they in no way compare to knowing day 0 is here. It’s hard to describe exactly, but it all feels unbelievably momentous and charged with limitless potential. And it will all come down to 20 total minutes. The turning points in our lives, that which makes us what we are, often does come down to moments, incidences and decisions which float by quickly but mark us indelibly.
Today, day –1, Dennis received his final dose of ATG and has been (and will continue to receive) a long dose of Cyclosporin, which is infusing over 20 hours. He was extremely tired today and slept most of the day away. I have been waiting most of the day for the infusion schedule, which will let me know at exactly what time to expect the first and subsequent transplants of the baby stem cells, but it has not yet been posted on B&W’s computer system (as of 8:45p.m.). I want to see these tiny little bags of life. I want to touch them and bless them and send them all the love, energy and healing, engrafting power that I can muster. I feel like I am a mother and there is nothing more potent to bring a new ‘life’ (in the form of a new immune system) into being. I ask you all to pray deeply and powerfully in whatever way means most to you and moves you most strongly to ask those little German and Milanese stem cells to be receptive, to engraft, to become part of and to cure this wonderful, remarkable man who we all love so deeply and dearly. They are fortunate indeed.
My grab bag of glib funnies eludes me tonight and even Bobby D. can’t bring the proper words to fully express what we are all feeling on this evening. So, quite simply, to all of you who mean everything to us…. send the love, send the love, send the love; there is nothing more powerful in all of the cosmos. Yours with blessings, yours with the deepest gratitude. Debra.

December 13, 2004
DAY –2
O Celebrants:
I walked into Studio 54 today and there was our man O, sitting in the visitor’s chair (that which yours truly usually occupies) looking pretty damn mah-velous. Although this morning’s dose of Melphalen (administered in a dark brown bag nonetheless as poor old Melp is light sensitive), did bring on some nausea, vomiting and light diarhhea, our good friend from the induction days, the mighty, magical Marinol, made a special return appearance, and pounded out any GI upset quickly and permanently. It also had the added bonus of getting him all high, happy and in a sterling good mood. And, as we all know from what we have read about big, bad insidious marijuana, it also tends to bring out a major case of the munchies. All in all, he ate well and had much to say to those in attendance. My undying admiration to PA Deborah Yolin, who sat down and spent quite awhile listening to him yak and answering the many questions fired at her byTeam Debra/Dennis. At least we made her laugh with our pithy observations on life, politics and stem cell transplants; so much entertainment value packed into one small, hospital room! Meanwhile, she is thrilled at his progress and feels he is in phenomenal shape going into the transplant – just the words a woman loves to hear!
Tomorrow, day –1, will see the final dose of ATG and a single dose of Cyclosporin, a prophylactic drug administered specifically to help ward off Graft versus Host disease (when the new stem cells attack his body). I should know tomorrow at exactly what time on Wednesday, day 0, the cells will be infused, so time can stand still (at least for a few moments) and we can, together, give new meaning to the concept of communal prayer. Bring it on. Body and soul. Debra.

December 12, 2004
DAY –3
Greetings Digital Minions:
Sorry that I’m a bit late on getting this one posted. Not to worry please, as all is well in Studio 54. He received his final dose of Fludarabine yesterday along with a third dose of ATG and was quite handily drugged up for most of the day. I did not end up going in as we had a baby naming for our cousin Marc and Amy Rosenthal’s beautiful girl Emily, and it was a good day to spend some quality time with the boys and with my family. In the Jewish tradition, a baby has an English name and a Hebrew name; Emily received her Hebrew name yesterday surrounded by many adoring aunts, uncles and cousins and many generations from the maternal side of my family (everything from age 4 months to age 82-truly a spectacular thing). It is always much fun when we all get together and tell tales of those who have passed on. We also had my cousin’s Sheera and Ahron’s 3 children back to the house and it was truly wonderful to see the boys hanging with their cousins (I also got in my girl fix with their daughter’s Aleeza and Yakira). As I have said to all of my cousins over these last several months, the continuity of family means a great deal to me right now. Like most families, we have our members who have allowed meaningless incidences to divide and isolate; to all those cousins of mine out there who read this, let us never allow this to happen to us and to our children. They are our link to one another and to time, space and memory.
Many thanks to all of you who have written and called expressing concern regarding the kids.
They are both doing better as we have all buckled down and addressed some of what’s going on with their educators and close family members. I think the most important thing for them right now is to remain occupied with their friends and involved in activities they enjoy. On my end, I’ll need to keep balancing my time and making sure that they are feeling that I’m present and involved. Yes’m, no one ever said it would be easy, but I suppose this is what being a mutha is truly all about (note the spelling…).
Tomorrow is day –2 with the one and only dose of a different chemo drug called Melphalan on tap. Melphalan is dispensed quickly (about 30 minutes) but can result in some major GI upset (nauseas, diarrhea, etc.). As with all drugs in this protocol, he will be heavily pre-medicated and will be treated rapidly if reactions arise. I will be there for most of the day today and will do whatever’s needed to make him more comfortable. I really missed him so much yesterday although I know it’s important to also grab those moments with the kids (what can I do? Jewish guilt – it’s in my blood!!). Keep your prayers and your vibes flowing, bring the love and bring it strong. He said to me yesterday that, whenever he feels lonely, he looks at the pictures of our children and feels a discernible presence in the room that brings him a feeling of safety and camaraderie. You’re working so hard for him and he’s feeling it, friends. We are all in that room with him, keeping him warm and fighting the good fight.
‘When the evening shadows and the stars appear/And there is no one there to dry your tears/I could hold you for a million years/To make you feel my love.’ Bob Dylan – Make You Feel my Love. Guiding you through the strong and the swift currents. Debra,

December 11, 2004
DAY –4
O-Town:
A quiet day in Studio 54. Fludarabine was the only drug on tap today and it was uneventful. While nothing dramatic is happening he is, all in all, not feeling particularly great as his blood levels continue to fall. When he went in for the initial round of induction chemo, he was already feeling pretty poorly and his blood levels were low. This time, he walked into that hospital feeling better than he had in years with blood levels stronger than they had probably been for years. It’s difficult to go from feeling that healthy to all the lousy aches and pains that come with low blood levels and a suppressed immune system. While the end result is what we are all shooting for, he will, more than likely, feel worse before he starts feeling better. Tomorrow, day –3, he will have a final dose of Fludarabine and a third dose of the rabbit ATG. Neither should bring on any adverse effects other than those that are part and parcel of going through this protocol. Another day, another night, inching toward Day 0. I will leave with a short one tonight as a glass of wine and Bronte are calling my name for vastly different reasons. Special thanks tonight to Joel and Amy Coblenz for helping to get this po’ girl through the days. Words to help soothe, words to share. I bring you the following tonight from my girl Amy MacDougall, who always seems to find just the right thing to say or send at just the right time. What a woman!
‘Listen with the night falling/we are saying thank you/We are stopping on the bridge to bow from the railings/We are running out of the glass rooms with our mouths full of food/To look at the sky and say thank you/we are standing by the water looking out in different directions’ W.S. Merwin. Always purple, kinda blue. Debra.

December 10, 2004
DAY –5
Land of O:
I do so love it when the doctors are right! Despite some fevers in the morning, Dennis seemed to sail through his second infusion of ATG in a nice, sleepy drug-induced fog, just as was predicted. No rigors. No accelerated heartbeat. No delusional mental wanderings (though it would have been way fun to hear ‘Kerry’ when asked who our President was). Nothing to send my own heartbeat into spastic arrythmia. Just 4 or 5 hours of watching my man sleep. How do you spell R-E-L-I-E-F? Good, pre-treatment drugs, that’s how! For some strange, sick reason, I kept thinking of a funny Larry Bird instructional basketball video I saw, where he was talking about using the backboard as a tool to bounce the ball off of to help bank it in. He kept looking at the camera and repeating “The backboard is your best friend, the backboard is your best friend” in this monotone Indiana Larry drawl. No, Larry, dude, effective DRUGS are your best friend(when appropriately dispensed for medicinal purposes of course, lest the kiddies who read my musings think I’m promoting recreational drug use) Hmmm, it would seem that Dennis’ Sports Analogy moments are rubbing off on me and invading my daylight hours. So, in the end, I packed it in, peeled off the ol’ protective gloves and mask and hightailed it home to the offspring fairly early. I realize I have to take the time off on the ‘good days’ to be with the kids and save it all up for the ‘not-so-good days’, which I’m hoping will be fewer and far betweener if at all possible. Tomorrow, Day –4, should also be a fairly light day as the only drug on tap is the ever present Fludarabine. But, since his blood levels are dropping precipitously every day, he will still have to be closely monitored to ensure that no dangerous infections rear their nasty little selves and have the nerve to take hold in his immuno-suppressed bod.
Meanwhile, I spoke to Keith Stern today, my wonderful, always happen’ Rabbi , who said, as he is getting somewhat used to my wild, wacky, off beat requests, that it was a terrific idea for him to come in to bless the baby stem cells on Day Zero (wouldn’t it be a boring world if we all walked the path in the exact same way? Flaky people rule!). Bless him up, down and sideways for humouring my crazy butt. I will also find out exactly what time they plan to infuse on that day (if I can get the information ahead of time) and I fully expect you, the digital faithful made flesh, to raise the chorus loud, wherever you so happen to be at that particular moment, even if you incur the everlasting scorn of your workmates or have to pull over on the side of the road and hang up from that oh so important call or have to step out of a business meeting to take a ‘restroom’ break and meditate on the O. ***Breath****. In other words, shake the heavens wide open puh-leeze! ‘Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail/The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder/That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze/Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder/Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind/Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind/And the unpawned painter behind beyond his rightful time/And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing’ Bob Dylan – Chimes of Freedom.

Guiding you gently along to Day 0. Debra.

December 9, 2004
DAY –6
Nation of O:
Today was a bit of an up and down day in Studio 54. The ATG infusion was finished at about 1:00a.m., but the fevers continued throughout the night and a good a part of the day. Although he was most certainly uncomfortable from the extremes that come with a high fever (around 102.8 at the highest), he didn’t see any return of the rigors, which was an enormous relief. He is capable of dealing with the discomforts that a temperature brings, but the rigors really knock him out and make him tremendously anxious. May they be banished for the rest of the transplant! He also seems to have a bit of a head cold but, again, that may just be a residual reaction of the ATG. Again, his PA, Deborah Yolin, felt that all of today’s reactions were well within the expectations of the protocol, but she was running a series of tests including a chest x-ray and sinus scan, just to be sure. Nothing is taken for granted during this kind of a crucial procedure. Tomorrow, day –5, is the second dose of ATG and I’m praying that it is better tolerated. I actually did not make it into the hospital today as I am having issues with both of the boys (I received calls from both schools with concerns) and felt that I have to strike a better balance between being in the hospital with Dennis and spending time with them, something much easier said then done. Adam, in particular, is reacting very emotionally to what his father is going through, and seems very teary and fragile to his teachers at school. I felt I was lucky during the induction chemo phase not to have any issues present themselves with the kids, so I will need to be extra vigilant in addressing their needs and fears as the weeks go by. This is a difficult time of year for them to be without their Dad and, unfortunately, it’s equally difficult to have them visiting frequently due to the risk of infection. Adam is a very direct and communicative human being and we are fortunate to have an open, honest relationship filled with a tremendous capacity to dialogue. When I approached him today about finding a therapist to talk to, he was very willing, which is a great help. I will do all that is necessary and call on whatever resources I can to keep these boys of mine feeling strong, safe and healthy in talking openly about their fears and concerns.
And another day, another night. There is so much power in community …. so many feeling the O all over the world. Bring the power, bring the love. Bring the strength of your mind to bear and meditate on the word ‘engraftment’. Thanks for lending an ear. On guard for her men. Debra.

December 8, 2004
DAY –7
Passengers on the Good Ship Ozer:
Forgive me if I keep this one short tonight as I am one tired chickita. Then again, I’ve promised you that before then have gone on a second wind ramble. But I’ll try to be a good girl tonight.
Yesterday, Dennis first day in the hospital or day –8 in transplant vernacular, was blessedly uneventful. He received one dose of a chemo drug called Fludarabine and sailed through it as predicted with no ill side effects. Today, or day –7 (each day will count down to day zero which is transplant day) was a different story entirely. Along with the Fludarabine, he received his first dose of Rabbit Antithymocyte Globulin (hereafter referred to as ATG), which we were warned would be the most difficult drug of the conditioning lot in terms of toleration. Well, folks, that was indeed no lie. Interestingly enough, due to the amount of drugs that they gave him prior to infusion of the ATG and during the treatment cycle to combat the side effects, Dennis will remember next to nothing of the day. When I called him at around 10:10p.m, he kept asking if he was going to have a reaction and could not remember any of what happened during the day. I, of course, remember every friggin’ second and wouldn’t leave until I knew he had settled down somewhat and was assured that his night nurse, Judy, was assigned to him and only him for the duration of the night. Otherwise, they would have had a fight on their hands to get my ass out of Studio 54 (as Dennis has taken to calling the room) anytime soon. He did get the Rigors several times during the infusion, but was heavily dosed with Demerol each time which took effect quickly and served to send him to a happy, sleepy place for decent chunks of time. It also made him a mite on the incoherent side and he was definitely seeing some pretty colors and thinking some strange and unusual thoughts that came out of left field (i.e. getting upset because he thought one of the Physician Assistant’s stole his hospital johnny). A few times I had to tell the nurses that things he was saying happened didn’t actually occur and they had to check him to make sure he was still in the present day and time (he did know that George Dubya was our president when asked (sad but true), but answered 1999 initially when asked what year we were in). The most disconcerting parts of today were the episodes of accelerated heartbeat and a drop in his oxygenation that had several doctors and nurse around him simultaneously, taking EKGS and getting him on supplementary oxygen. I was told that this was all very normal as next to no one ever sails through the administration of this particular drug without a similar reaction, but it’s still damn hard to watch and had me right up on my feet huddling with the doctors to make sure that nothing was out of the norm for the protocol. Since the ATG serum is derived from a rabbit, it ends up being a major shock to the human body to have something in it that belongs in an altogether different species, and the body reacts accordingly with what is called the ‘serum sickness’ that I was seeing today. Although he will have to receive 3 more doses of ATG, it seems that the first dose is the worst and the body seems to adjust and react less severely with each subsequent dose. I’ve actually seen that play out tonight as he seems to be tolerating it far better in the last 2 hours than he did in the preceeding 6 hours (they transfuse it very, very slowly and stop it for periods of time when he is rigoring or when his heartbeat was rapid and oxygenation was poor to allow his body to settle back down). Additionally, the adverse reactions to it only occur during infusion; as soon as the course of treatment is over, the reactions disappear entirely. He will probably be left feeling a little ‘hungover’ in the morning but otherwise will be much better.
When I left at around 8:45p.m., all of his vitals signs were strong; his heart rate had returned to normal and, although they kept the supplementary oxygen on, he was oxygenating well. He was running a fever, but Nurse Judy said it probably wouldn’t come down until the ATG was completed. But he was comfortable, feeling settled and could speak cohesively when I left and sounded great when I spoke to him around 20 minutes ago, so I can rest semi-easily tonight (one never rests completely peacefully when someone they love is going through something like this and I’m no exception). He will have a far easier day tomorrow as another dose of Fludarabine is the only drug on the menu for the day (day –6).
And so we inch forward, and so we move on. We pray, we send love. We invoke karma, we take nothing for granted. Every day is a blessing, every second holds potential. Peace y’all. Debra.

December 6, 2004
OzerNation:
So, after a false start (or dry run as I prefer to think of it), Dennis is once again ensconced in his room on Floor 4C, Room 54 of Brigham and Women’s Hospital, ready to begin what I know will be a tough but necessary journey to final wellness. All went well with this morning’s Hickman placement although, for some reason, they were a mite slow getting him in there and the early morning turned to early afternoon by the time he was up in his room. It was almost comical watching some of the nurses come into his room, stare at him and then say things like ‘You look so familiar! Why is that?, forgetting that he had been in two weeks ago (of course, that Ozer mug is quite unforgettable). And, just to show you that even yours truly, politically correct, open minded, liberal chick that I am, can fall prey to prejudicial thinking, I share the following as a cautionary tale of how deeply ingrained in us these kind of things can be. When we were in last week, I remember looking over at one of the nurses, who was veiled and obviously Arabic, and thinking “I’m glad that’s not Dennis’ nurse. I don’t know if I would be diggin’ on someone Arab looking after him.” Just as soon as the thought entered my brain, I became equally appalled that it ever could. That nurse, Soheir, was Dennis’ nurse today when he was admitted, and will be caring for him, when she is working, throughout the transplant. Of course, as these things always go, she is a lovely and capable human being and I have been mentally slapping myself upside the head for allowing myself to be so reactionary and stupid (we liberals do that a lot). As I said in my last entry, I believe that everything that happens in our lives does so to teach us a lesson. Well, Girlfriend sure got her butt schooled today!
Dennis will begin the pre-transplant conditioning regimen tomorrow which will consist of two specific chemo drugs, a host of immuno-suppressive drugs and a variety of medications to address the symptoms that can arise from the different drugs which comprise the protocol. While it’s difficult to say in advance exactly how his body will react, Deborah Yolin, our Physician’s Assistant, feels that the conditioning drugs are decently less toxic to the system than those used in the induction chemo and has not been seeing the same violent side effects and reaction as in the induction chemo round. Our new Day Zero (the day when the two cords are infused) is now December 15th, so mark the date and bring the power extra strong on that day. As weird as it may sound, I am actually thinking of having our Rabbi come in to bless these little baby stem cells, to send them on their way not only with your prayers and good vibes from all around the globe, but with deep spiritual blessings in close proximity (my mother is reading this and thinking “How did I give birth to such a mesuggenah (crazy) kid?” and my friend Sari is reading this thinking “That’s so Debra!”). But I do have precedent for this, really I do! I remember when my son Jakob was in the hospital with spinal meningitis at 8 days old. A friend who used to work with us, Stephanie Marshall, came into the ICU to see him, stood over his incubator and blessed him then and there. Although Stephanie was a born-again Christian and we were Jewish, she had such deep, abiding faith that her blessing my baby so closely brought me enormous comfort and peace (not to mention all that wonderful healing energy that was sent Jakob’s way!). Thus is the power of prayer and blessing.
Meanwhile, can you tell how tired I am? I’m meandering between medical procedure recitation and Deep Debra Moments culled from the past like a blown electrical circuit. Be scared, be very scared. Time for some fresh air and a walk in the falling snow with the Great White Beast from Tennessee. Thus I will leave you knowing that our man D is resting comfortably, humming Donkaschein and Italian arias for the little frozen cords-in-waiting that have his name written all over them (remember, they’re from Germany and Milan respectively-where’s Bob E. Heck with a great line of Italian when I need it?) Oh well, I’ll settle for that other Bob, Bob E. Zimmerman (yes, but of course Dennis saw 60 Minutes last night!) ‘Don’t let me change my heart/Keep me set apart/From all the plans they do pursue/And I, I don’t mind the pain/Don’t mind the driving rain/I know I will sustain/’Cause I believe in you’. I Believe in You – Bob Dylan

December 4, 2004
Friends in O:
To all who have called knowing that Dennis had a doctor’s appointment, my apologies for the Update delay. On top of everything else, my dear little 8 year old managed to ram into my left side like an Ozer freight train (the night before the Bar Mitzvah nonetheless) and gently crack a rib. After a week of not sleepig at night, I gave in and got my butt some Viacodin. Supremely effective I might say as I’m feeling much better, but also equally effective at leaving that groggy after effect which tends to leave one unmotivated and jonesin’ for a good lie-down in front of the TV in the evenings. And I never watch TV. Never fret though: if there was anything of immediate importance to relay, I would have shaken myself out of my little drug-induced mini-stupor and forced a coherent sentence or two for my digital audience.
All was as it should be at our appointment with Dr. Antin last Tuesday. Dennis feels and looks well and seems to be clear of any infection, be it viral or bacterial, so we are cleared for re-admittance this Monday, December 6th. Unfortunately, one of the stitches holding the line in place popped on his original Hickman and the line itself started to move, so last Wednesday it was removed altogether and will be re-inserted this Monday after re-admittance. This became necessary, although the line had only moved a few inches, as once his immune system is suppressed, it would be impossible to re-implant it if it did fall out altogether. Other than this very minor setback, we are ready to move forward once again. Dennis is in the best possible health scenario with full remission, 1st remission AML and Dr. Antin is expecting nothing short of a successful result. The heart, soul and spirit behind him in the form of our friends and family never ceases to amaze and uplift. I continue to hear from friends who I have not been in contact with for many, many moons, and there is something especially moving in re-connection coming out of a situation that could be strife with fear, isolation and depression if we allowed ourselves to move down that path. I remember how much I isolated myself around the anger of my father’s sudden passing and tended to close people out and wallow in my fury and self-pity at losing my best friend so unexpectedly. I believe everything that occurs in our lives does so to teach lessons and to nudge us to places, kicking and screaming if necessary, we need to go but refuse to attempt. My heart is wide open on this one, folks, and I thank you so much for filling it with each passing hour and each passing day.
So admit it, you’ve actually missed those Deep Debra Moments, in a sick, needy sort of way, haven’t you? Without the election, I feel like I have no good fodder to rant about (although you could easily get me going on those findings regarding government-sponsored abstinence programs) so instead, I must turn to drama Debra. But, as I have learned the fine art of ‘enough is enough’ from my kids, I will walk Le-Bronte instead before turning into Debbie, Soccer Mom (Lord knows it took a lot for me to just call myself ‘Debbie’! I hate ‘Debbie”!!) ) So, until we start again, keep your love lights shining his way. Ciao. Debra.

November 26, 2004
Greetings from OzerNation Central:
Happy Thanksgiving y’all. Hope that everyone is feeling stuffed, satiated and overall thankful for all the happenin’ things that head their way everyday, be they large or small. We have had a very mellow, restful few days, which suits us all just fine. Dennis is feeling fairly well overall, just a little sneezy and such, so he’s been changed to a wider spectrum antibiotic. As it stands today, we will re-visit Dr. Antin on Tuesday of next week and, if he gives Dennis the go ahead, he will be re-admitted to the hospital Monday, December 6th to start the conditioning protocol.
Meanwhile, many of you have contacted us regarding articles you may have seen in major newspapers and news organizations regarding cord blood transplants. Seems like the New England Journal of medicine has just published the results of two cord blood studies, one conducted in the US and one in Europe, that were concluded in 2001 and early 2002. The data compiled from those studies is the material that appears in the Journal’s article. Our thanks to Bruce Rapkin for forwarding us the exact text of those findings, as most of the articles you may be seeing are just quick summaries of the data at best, and fairly vague in their explanations of criteria and study inclusions at worst. For those of you who may read these articles and find yourself a mite worried when reading the mortality and relapse statistics, please know that the cord blood transplants reflected in these studies were performed with SINGLE CORD protocols, not multiple cord as Dennis will be undergoing. In other words, these studies are now somewhat dated and do not reflect the current trend towards multiple-cord transplants, which were implemented as a direct result of the data from these studies establishing that a single cord was not sufficient in stem cell versus weight ratio for an adult patient. We pretty much have the old apples versus oranges scenario happening here. Dennis’ double-cord transplant protocol addresses many of the problems, such as prolonged engraftment waiting times, that came out of this study and none of the statistical information you may see presented really applies to his scenario. Cord blood transplantation methods have advanced rapidly in the 2-3 years following this study and Dennis will be the beneficiary of all the positive new information that has come about as a result of this study. So, in summary, all is good and hopes remain very high indeed! Yours in the moment, yours in each hour. Debra.

November 24, 2004
A very long day yesterday in Goodman/Ozer land with a funny ending to it. So, we get Dennis into Brigham & Women’s yesterday at 7:00a.m. and he goes right into surgery for placement of a second Hickman line. All goes well with the surgery and, eventually, we make our way up into his new room on floor 4C. The pod is brand new, air controlled and the room was contemporary, nicely designed and about as beautiful as a room can be considering it’s in a hospital. Many doctors and nurses go in and out, examining him and checking vitals (interesting how not one of them knew why a second line was placed or that there were two period) while, the whole time, Dennis keeps complaining about a sore throat. I, of course, dismiss the sore throat, thinking it’s just dry and scratchy from the heat on in our house, and he’s nervous and kinda doing the psychosomatic syndrome thing. But of course, just to play it safe, the attending intern does several different cultures, including a throat culture, which at around 8:30p.m., after I have gone home, ends up coming back, you guessed it, positive for strep. They immediately started him on a course of antibiotics, but I will be heading back to the hospital today at 1:00p.m. to pick him up and take him back home. Of course, I am endlessly hearing about that fact that I did not believe him or trust that his throat really did hurt, and strongly suspect I will hear about it for many months to come. Bad, jaded Debra. This is my penance and I will pay it gladly rather than see them move forward with the transplant while he’s actively sick with strep. They will probably delay the transplant 5-7 days, and I expect that we will re-schedule it for sometime mid-next week. Our suspicion is that someone at the Bar Mitzvah or at the house in the days preceding it, was actively carrying the virus, so those who attended the Bar Mitzvah might want to be on high alert for a strep breakout from one of their kids (as it usually is a young ‘un who is the harbinger of these things). As for Dennis, he should be feeling markedly better by the end of today (24 hours on antibiotics) and will be able to rest and relax over the holiday weekend with his ever lovin’ family. We had a great dry run for the transplant, got to meet the staff at Dana Farber and B&W who will be attending him and will be able to get right to it next week when he’s re-admitted since both lines are now placed. So bring those prayers and vibes down to a low background roar until he goes back in, and have a peaceful, healthy Thanksgiving. We have much to be thankful for in all of those who love us and share our lives and this digital diary, so amen and pass the turkey, baby! Debra.

November 22, 2004
Dearest Friends and Family:
We had our son Adam’s Bar Mitzvah Saturday. My emotions and recollections of the day are almost difficult to describe days after, but it was far more intense and moving than even I, drama queen supreme, ever anticipated. Timing is everything and karma is omnipotent in it’s own way. It often takes us on a journey that is necessary although we fail to be cognitive of just why when we’re in the moment. The path that our family is walking with Dennis’ illness brought us to quite the special and remarkable place on Saturday. As moving a time as this might be in a Jewish boy’s life for any family, the day took on power, spirit and relevancy so far past what traditionally occurs when marking this life cycle event. The warmth and power that I felt in that sanctuary from all of those congregated to hear and share with my first born was a palatable thing with a presence all it’s own. I do believe that, for the very first time, I understood the meaning of the word ‘congregation’ and felt exactly what it meant to join together as one. We prayed together, we cried a great deal. We sent healing energy to Dennis as one community united in our love for him that left me in tears, speechless and unable to recite the prayer with those gathered. To be able to stand in front of these people and let my emotions completely show like that (even though my mascara was running) was a mighty gift in itself. It says a great deal about how safe and at home I felt with those surrounding us on this day.
In my speech to my son, I said he was the gift that keeps on giving, and he sure filled up my heart and spirit to capacity and beyond. He was astonishing on that Bimah and, what was even more remarkable than how perfectly he recited his portion and his parts of the service, was seeing his magnificent, sensitive soul come bubbling up to throw it’s light out for all to see and hear. The day touched a really deep, special place within him and I just saw him grow into and become himself like a lil’ ol’ sunflower opening up to the sky (Good God, that is so damn maudlin!!!). Dennis and I were sitting on the Bimah and, when I looked out at the congregation, each face was a beautiful, individual entity, so important and impactful to our lives. Barring the few people who were unable to attend and the constraints that wouldn’t allow us to invite each and every good friend we might have wanted to had space allowed, I realized that everyone we loved and drew strength from was sitting in front of us that day embracing us with their hearts and their prayers. The last time I had been standing on that Bimah, it was to deliver a eulogy when my father passed away; that day, I was numb and I was devastated. Yesterday, I felt his spirit caressing my son and shining out through his eyes, and it was indescribable in the joy it brought to me. Right before we left the house, I gave him the mezuza (a special Jewish charm that hold a prayer scroll inside) that my father always wore to wear in his shirt pocket close to his heart. He said, much later, that he felt grandpa with him in the mezuza and it was why he was able to do so well. Such a kid!!! Call me nuts, as most of you quite rightly probably do, but I feel like that was my father speaking to me and telling me that it was time to pass this to my son. I had been holding very tight to it since the day he died and I left the hospital with it around my neck, but it’s with Adam now, where it belongs.
Dennis was completely in his glory on Saturday. He looked incredible, which was surprising to a few who had not seen him and knew what he had gone through. He was truly buoyed by all of the love and support that was there for him and our family. Again, that sense of strength and power that was in the sanctuary and directed towards him, seemed to be a living thing that occupied a seat of it’s own. He totally brought down the house when he went to speak to Adam and broke up with emotion when he looked at his son and the people gathered who loved him so much. In some ways, this was very much a bittersweet time for us, as after Saturday’s joy comes Tuesday’s re-admittance to the hospital. We had been trying to focus on the Bar Mitzvah attempting not to allow thoughts of Tuesday to creep in, but it’s been difficult. In the end, as much as Adam was in his element and soaking up the vibes of the day, so was Dennis and it was truly magnificent to see. My unending thanks to the most amazing Rabbi Stern, who was eloquent and moving beyond belief during the service, and was more than willing to go with the flow and let us be our wild, wacky unorthodox selves in adding our own Goodman/Ozer touches to the proceedings. God’s eyes, and the spirits of Mort, Dorothy and Herbert (our parents who have passed away) sure were shining on my family on Saturday (even if we are blue state dwellin’ immoral heathens!). Sorry, couldn’t resist that one!
Now it’s on to the flood of feelings that accompany Dennis returning to the hospital. He will be checking in tomorrow morning at 7:00a.m. and will immediately go into surgery to have an additional Hickman line placed in the other side of his chest. The initial Hickman has two lumen which can be hooked up for infusion at a given time. With the myriad of drugs going into his system to condition him for the transplant, they need to keep additional lines open and functional at all times. I have to stress again that he will NOT be allowed any visitors while in the hospital for the transplant at anytime; please, no exceptions or surprise drop-in visits. I will let you know his phone number when it becomes available but would even caution against calls until I can get a handle of how he will be feeling once the conditioning begins. I promise to keep you updated daily starting tomorrow and will keep everyone informed and in the loop as things happen.
I’ve got to tell you all; its going to be really difficult for me to be alone again in our bed; it doesn’t feel right and it’s not how it’s meant to be in this house. But we have to be in positive energy mode here and I have to believe that missing him for the next 5 weeks will have the supreme payoff of allowing us the next 25 plus years in his oh-so unique presence. I’m incredibly fortunate to have this physical and digital community par excellence to carry me gently through the rough waters and, again, ask you to bring your love lights and all your spiritual power to bear on this man who has enriched our lives so very much. He is the Don, the Scotchprince, the King ‘O Vinyl, my baby boy’s Daddy and my partner for life. You KNOW I got his back. Here for the duration ... your guide through the choppy water to the calm sea ahead. Debra.

November 11, 2004
People United in O:
It feels like its been ages (if only the next 4 years could go so quickly!). Without much going on here at Ozer headquarters, other than Dennis getting stronger, healthier and heftier, I figured it best to spare you my political rants as the fallout over the election continues to be felt here in the Blue States. Only remember this, the majority of this country’s wealth and prosperity originates from Blue States (thanks to the O Man for calling that to my attention) so there is more than one way to beat a right-wing, conservative, self serving conspiracie’s agenda.!
Dennis and I spent most of the day yesterday signing consent forms, talking in great detail about the cord blood transplant process and taking a few final tests to prepare him to enter the hospital on the 23rd. We met with both Dr. Antin and his transplant coordinator, Toni Dubeau who was terrific, warm and enormously helpful and informative (along with being a rescue dog owner with a quirky canine like Le Bron-tay). While we are approaching the transplant with only the most positive mindset and spirit, the reality of knowing this idyllic time at home is coming to an end is very sobering and left us both feeling a bit down. While the cord blood transplant protocol (chemo drugs and immuno-suppressive therapy only, no radiation) they are now using is less traumatic on the body and organs than a full blown traditional transplant requiring highly toxic levels of both chemo and radiation, its still remains an investigational and highly risky procedure. After Dennis’ rough experience with the induction chemo round and, in particular, his run-in with the rigers, it was tough for him to hear to expect chills and fevers with the infusion of some of the chemo and one of the immuno-suppressive drugs in particular. Much of our conversation with Toni centered on prophylactic ways to try to avoid the rigers or, at the very least, to stay one step ahead of them so they don’t take hold the way they did during the induction phase. Also, it seems that just because a patient had a difficult time with the induction phase does not necessarily mean that the same will apply to the transplant conditioning. Without the radiation, there have been many patients who have made it through with minimal discomfort. Since the intensity and purpose of the transplant chemo differs greatly from that of the induction chemo (whose sole purpose was to kill fast-moving cancer cells), I’m truly hoping that he will move through this far easier than the initial round. This conditioning phase will last about a week with one ‘day of rest’ between it and the infusion of the actual stem cells, a process that takes a total of only about 20 minutes (10 minutes per cord; Dennis receives 2 cords). This day is regarded as Day 0 (birth analogies abound). Then, the waiting begins, as it can be anywhere from 12-26 days before we start to see evidence that these life giving baby stem cells are doing their job and engrafting in his bone marrow. This engraftment waiting period can vary dramatically from patient to patient and there is no way to predict beforehand just how long it will take for the process to occur. This 2-3 week period of time will probably be the most dangerous part of the transplant as he will have no immune system or defenses available to ward off opportunistic infections. As always, there will be a continuous regiment of drug therapies available to help prevent infection and to treat any that may arise Additionally, there will probably be some degree of Graft versus Host Disease after the stem cells are infused. This is a stem cell transplant’s equivalent of organ ‘rejection’, where the new, healthy stem cells realize they are not in the ‘right’ place and attack the host body (in this case Dennis) as a foreign entity. GvHD can vary radically in its degree of severity from a mild rash to a life-threatening attack on the body’s organs and, as with the engraftment waiting period, there is no reliable way to predict the extent of it in advance. But one HUGE plus discovered thus far is that, due to the extremely immature, undeveloped nature of a newborn’s immune system, DFCI is seeing a markedly reduced degree of GvHD in their cord blood transplant patients (as opposed to unrelated donor transplants) and are highly confident in their ability to treat and control any amount of GvHD thoroughly and effectively.
One very important point that everyone needs to understand in advance is that this hospitalization will be a whole different animal from his stay during the initial chemo infusion. He will not be able to see any visitors at any time other than me and perhaps, maybe one other person who will act as my backup caregiver in the event that I get sick. His blood levels will be going back down to just about zero and, more importantly, he will be waiting for and building a brand, new virgin immune system. The slightest cold, germ, infection or exposure to small things that our healthy immune systems can cope with, can debilitate him, if not prove altogether fatal. Also, when he gets home, he will essentially have to stay isolated for at least 6 months if not closer to a year; no public places or travel and very limited interaction outside or in the house (a year of non-stop togetherness for me and the O; the true test of love and compatibility). So, come make your pilgrimage to Needham and seek your audience with the Don in the next week and half or so, or be forever relegated to phone calls and e-mail (in this case, forever lasts approximately one year).
Dearest readers of this digital Dennis diary, I will only be updating the site sporadically as we have new information available until Dennis is re-admitted to the hospital on the 23rd, at which point I will begin to update again on a daily basis. Your prayers, incantations and blessings worked miracles for Dennis through the first part of this journey and have brought him, strong and in a complete remission, to this time when he will encounter his toughest challenge (other than 13 year old teenage hormones). I believe in Dennis and his remarkable life energy with all that I am and have tremendous faith in the power of this deep circle of loved ones who hold him near and keep him close. I ask you to bring all that you have in hope, in might and in the love of what you personally hold dear spiritually to bear for him to bring him safely to the other side of this transplant. Start your engraftment chant now and let it build in potency, depth and power right up to Day Zero when those 2 baby cords (that came from Germany and Milan nonetheless) will find themselves with the awesome privilege of engrafting in the hippest, most happenin’, best damn bone marrow known to personkind! Amen brothahs and sistahs! Debra.

November 5, 2004
Blue State Nation:
Well okay, you Red Staters, or those who voted thusly, you can also read this. I’m sure you have been looking for updates and have been wondering “where for art thou Goodman/Ozers?” After many days of total despair and much muttering about moving north, Dennis and I have both moved through the 12 steps regarding this election (from anger, to hysteria, to denial, to fear, back to anger etc.) and have decided to stand firm and fight. For at least this 2 of the 49% who voted democratically, this is still our country too. I refuse to abandon all that we have fought so hard for as women, as minorities, as tax paying citizens who want family and marriage and just happen to be of the same sex and as culturally and religiously diverse entities to be forced from our homes due to right wing, conservative idealogues and presidents with a messianic complex. If God is speaking to us through George W. Bush, as he would have us believe, we are truly in deep trouble indeed. Bush may be calling for unification to heal the divide of this deeply polarized nation, but I say, he will never be my President (with nods to J.F.) until he proves that he is capable of being objective and open-minded to all the inhabitants of the U.S.A. Walk the walk, Dubya. Run the damn country objectively and leave the moralizing where it belongs – in the heart, mind and home of each individual American.
Other than his own equally strong feelings over the election, Dennis continues to flourish and regain his strength and spirit. He is talking about boycotting the Red States, so those of you in the Occupied Territories, come visit him here in Freedom Land before he goes in for the transplant. He’s now going on long walks with the Great White Furry One, gaining weight, and gathering vigor, mettle and mental fortitude for the transplant to come. If the Red Sox fighting back ultimately inspired, then the election results have made him angry and put him, mentally, into his best fighting prime. And, when one is entering battle, that is the best place to be. Ain’t nothing like Dennis when he is feeling righteous and fired-up (on him, its endearing; on me its obnoxious – such a double-standard). We are both astounded that Adam’s Bar Mitzvah is almost upon us and I know it will be the ultimate life-affirming experience to carry with him when he goes back into the hospital. For this, and so many other reasons, I’m glad I took the advice of Rabbi Stern (isn’t that what Rabbis are for?) to move forward with the Bar Mitzvah no matter where Dennis was at in his treatment. For me, this is how God, or any higher power speaks to us; to uplift and motivate at times when sadness and depression can send us sprawling. To bring us together as one, with love, for a common cause of choice, not to cram someone elses moral choices down the throats of those of us who follow a different path to God. Now I ask you, where else can you come for such a heady mix of political indignation and down-home Jewish schmaltz (some people may call this being bi-polar)? ‘They say that patriotism is the last refuge/to which a scoundrel clings/steal a little and they throw you in jail/ steal a lot and they make you a king’ – ‘Sweetheart Like You’ – Bob Dylan (wasn’t Bob too, too prescient on this one?)

November 3, 2004

Friends in Ozer Nation:
I will keep today’s update on the short side as I am feeling truly sad and devastated by the outcome of this election. I am sad for this country, its divisiveness and its blindness to basic, factual truth. I am sad for the damage this administration will inflict on us in 4 more years without the accountability of another election looming over their heads and, more than anything else, I am devastated for my children and all of our children as they will be the ones to ultimately inherit the effluence of a monstrous deficit, irreversibly damaged natural resources, suppression of life saving medical research in the name of religious and political pandering and the legacy of an ill-begotten war that will by far outdo Vietnam in its pain and anguish. Thank God I live in Massachusetts!
But, I know you don’t come to the digital home of Ozer Nation for this right? So onward to the fight that really counts, the one that unites us all, Democrats and GOP, in a way this election never could. Dennis and I met with Dr. Antin and Dr. Stone today and it looks like the transplant will be scheduled for November 23rd or 24th. It was confirmed today that Dennis is in a complete, certified kosher remission and is in the best possible position to move forward with the transplant and receive optimum results. Dr. Antin has been exceptionally impressed and encouraged with the results of the 15 or so cord blood transplants that Dana Farber has performed and, although no long term data on the transplants is really available past one year out, he feels very strongly that Dennis’ best chance for a cure is with this transplant protocol. If, by some miracle, a matched donor presented itself in the next week or two, it would probably give him pause to postpone the transplant and address that option. But, as has become painfully obvious to both Dennis and myself, his tissue type is exceedingly rare and if we couldn’t find a match in the 8.5 million donors that have been searched thus far, the chances are exceedingly low of finding one between now and November 23rd. Somehow, happy, chirpy positive vibe Debra is feeling a mite subdued after last night when it comes to the subject of miracles. Even Dr. Stone was deeply upset by the election results and admitted that he would have given up the Red Sox miracle for the Kerry-Edwards one. When the subject of Kurt Schilling came up, he said he was fine on the mound, but off it, was the very definition of Bush’s ‘No Millionaire Left Behind’ act. See why Dennis and I love him so? So, tremendously great news on the Dennis front ( :) happy, joyful, positive Debra-face :) ) and rotten news on the fate of our country front ( :( sad, pensive, dejected Debra-face :( ). Then again, Bush will go far, far away in 4 years and Dennis is my partner for a lifetime; need I say more (“No, please don’t!” they all cry out in unison)? No Dylan quote tonight folks as you didn’t heed the words of the Master! Massachusetts born and bred. Debra.

November 1, 2004

Citizens and Constituents:
I hear that there are those out there among the digital minions who actually miss my daily updates. Then there is that other tiny, minuscule group of people, who are probably voting for Bush, who are rabidly relieved that they’re not hearing from me everyday. “See, they say, ‘Daily updates leading up to the election only means that we have to put up with her political pontifications and being vilified because we disagree with her!” And, I must admit as I am not too big a woman to know when I am annoying, they would not be wrong in stating thusly. Besides, Dennis is doing tremendously well, looks phenomenal and feels even better than great so there is nothing too new to report on a daily basis, at least for now. But we are only one night away from this election and I just can’t remain silent any longer knowing that its my last chance to whine and opine. So all I will say, with only one meager night separating us from this momentous moment in American history, is vote with your mind, vote in an informed way, vote in the spirit of innovation and aspiration and do not vote in a vacuum, guided only by trepidation, secrecy and fear. But, no matter what, even if you choose a candidate other than the wise sage who drops these update bombs upon you, get out and VOTE!
End of election lecture. Dennis is doing tremendously well, looks phenomenal and feels even better than great, so there is nothing too new to report (déjà vu all over again). These days are a complete and total joy to me and I am amazed and inspired by the difference in his appearance and demeanor in a little more than a week. The weekend was filled with visits from friends who we adore, more marvelous food offerings and a glorious time at our friends the Coblenzs. Every gathering has an air of uniqueness to it that I hope I never forget, years down the road, when this time in our lives becomes more memory and less the stuff of the day-to-day. I can’t even begin to describe how fantastic Halloween was, between the beautiful weather, the pleasure of walking Jakob from house to house with Bronte in tow (people told me Bronte had the best costume around; very realistic), hanging with our friends watching the Patriots game (okay, so the streak is over-we are still feeling the Red Sox so its all good), and seeing Dennis on the porch lobbing candy at the kids in his Rasta-mon puffy hat (as promised, stay tuned for the Many Faces of Ozer photo gallery). Pure delight for this cynical soul, boys and girls. My biggest struggle through all of this wonderment is not allowing thoughts of Dennis going back to the hospital to interfere with what’s so beautiful right now. This is why I know from whence I speak when I preach of fear and trepidation of the future putting a stranglehold on the life you live now. I refuse to ever believe, no matter what I go through, that life is meant to be about the tragic, the fearful, the evil and the abhorrent. Dennis moves forward through this with love, strength, hope and belief in all that we are as a family and all the power our community is putting forth for him. Isn’t that what this country should be about? ‘How much do I know/To talk out of turn/You might say that I’m young/You might say I’m unlearned/But there’s one thing I know/Though I’m Younger than you/Even Jesus would never forgive what you do.’ Masters of War – Bob Dylan. Rock the Vote. Debra.

October 29, 2004

Dearest Ozer-ites –
Dennis in remission, the Red Sox win the World Series – the good news continues to flow in. November 2nd, 2004 – dare to dream for a better America. Or prepare to fight the powers that be to take back our country.
So now that I got that out of my system, Dennis is doing terrifically which is why you don’t see an update posted everyday. He looks wonderful and is getting back his marvelous Sicilian-Jewish ruddy complexion. He has taken to going on mid-afternoon walks with Adam and LaBron-tay, the chocolate lovin’ Pyrenees, and has been holding court with his constituents on a daily basis. They come, they kibbitz, they kiss the ring. And, just like the Three Kings of old, they come bearing gifts – yummy foods to tempt his palate, brownies, cookies and cakes to hide from Bronte, Dylan memorabilia and head coverings to keep his bald keppe (head in Yiddish as some of you may remember from an earlier update – brownie points for you) warm. I have been wondering where I could get cool happenin’ headwear for him (doo-ragsareus.com?), when our friend Alycia walked in today with her offerings for the O and I found out the answer to that burning question – its spelled Du-rag, not Doo-rag. Dennis now got him his official Jew-mon Du-rag (schmate in Yiddish) and a fine-ass dreadlocks puffy rasta-mon hat to boot, Pictures of the baddest white mon in all da suburbs to come for the digital crowds.
Early news of the aspirate from Dennis’ latest bone marrow biopsy confirms the good news of full remission and Dr. Stone fully expects the marrow itself to follow suit. We have a meeting with both him and Dr. Antin next Wednesday, at which time I anticipate we will be able to confirm a definitive date for the transplant (sometime shortly after the Bar Mitzvah). Again, as it stands today, we will move forward with umbilical cord stem cell blood (and, for those who have asked, this is NOT related to embryonic stem cell research though one might guess the stand I take on that subject) unless a fully matched adult donor presents itself within the next 3.5 weeks. I am just grateful as hell that the technology exists to even have this option; as little as five years ago, Dennis would have had no alternatives available to him whatsoever. We are fortunate to be in this place and this time.
So, I am loving these days, the hours with Dennis home and completing the circle as it should be in our house. Despite the trepidation and fear that may accompany knowing what will come next, strangely enough, I will look back on these weeks in between the chemo and the transplant, in years to come (and, oh they will come, my friends) as some of the happiest and most contented I have ever experienced. To be able to be home with him and to take care of him is a gift whose value is incalculable. Thank you again, Jim Dadmun and the DGI-Invisuals staff – please always know that not a day passes where I do not realize how blessed I am by your generosity and trust that I never take this time for granted. But, before I devolve into pathos and drama as only I can, its time to go downstairs and wrestle Bronte for Sally G.’s amazing apple crisp. Yours from Boston, home of the 2004 World Series Champion Red Sox (Lordy, it sure felt good to write THAT!) Debra.

October 27, 2004

Nation to the Second Power:
Red Sox. 3-0. Wow … dare to dream.
With every passing day, Dennis is looking better, filling out, and chowing mightily while the well-loved Dennis persona (God help us all) has come roaring back with a vengeance. Personally, it warms this ‘lil ol’ heart to see him flourishing – must be all my fine home cookin’ and nurturing ways!! We went back to Dana Farber today to see Dr. Stone for the first time since Dennis’ release from the hospital. Dr. Stone thought he looked terrific and the all-knowing tale of the blood work was absolutely phenomenal, with all indications pointing to a full-fledged, glorious remission. His counts were up so high that even Dr. Stone was happily surprised (my man is one strong mo-fo). His hematocrit reading was 32; 34 and upwards is normal. His white counts blasted way up and were not only totally in the normal range, but, as Dr. Stone so aptly put it, ‘probably are better than mine are right now’. Best of all, there were no, nada, zippo, zero, zilch, nil not a one, nasty little leukoblast cell (the villain in our tale) to be found anywhere in his circulating blood. They did perform another confirmatory bone marrow biopsy (I watched this one, sick little puppy that I am. Fascinating …) as the tale of the bone marrow itself has the final say regarding remission. But, with his blood levels as high and as strong as they were today, it would be rather unprecedented to see any problem in the bone marrow that would not have manifested itself in his blood work. A quick flu shot (I have to wait for mine until he is admitted for the transplant) and we were on our way, happy as pigs rolling in shiz-nits (Snoop Dogg speak for those of you not in the know). Some days I am traditional and sappy, others days I am off the wall. You know you never come here for that which is conventional! My purpose these days is to bring the information, attempt to entertain the troops while doing so and, above all, to protect and advocate for our man Ozer with every muscle of my Pilates powered body. But I digress. Our next step is a meeting next Wednesday with Dr. Stone to confirm the biopsy results/remission, and then we will begin to put plans into place for the transplant. This is Dennis’ next battle but, with much love, karma and the hand of the Supreme, it should be his final cure. Cure is the only word in the English language that is even more beautiful and harmonic then remission. Stand ready to tune up your pipes for the Cure Cantata.
This has been a fabulous day for me and mine and it is always my honor and pleasure to bring the good news out to the digital ‘airwaves’. May the Red Sox bring us glory tonight (or within the next few nights if they must) and then may Kerry bring this country back to a state of hope and unity on November 2nd, 2004. Dare to dream; never back down. Debra.

October 25, 2004

Fanclub ‘O’:
I do believe I had the best-est birthday today (yeah, I know no such word exists, but it just seems to make sense given the circumstances). It may not have been the most eventful one, but it gave me the most sensational feeling of contentment to spend it with Dennis and just be home together all day. For those of you who know us well, I know you may be thinking ‘girl, are you trippin’? Was a time, not long ago, when you would be freaking if you spent too much time together in one day!!’ But I am here to tell you – I feel a preaching moment coming on - that time and events can alter the stagnant patterns of one’s daily life and bring into it a newness and harmony that may not have been there before. Now, what the hell does that all mean, you might ask? It means that the Dennis formerly known as the Tasmanian Devil has learned to sit, to think, to be in the moment and just dig on the stillness a bit and it felt wholly, marvelously peaceful and right to just hang out and be (and this with construction and banging going on in the house nonetheless). No expectations, no curfews, absolutely nowhere to be but home. Now, that is the very definition of a blessing and a bang up birthday!!
The strides Dennis has made from Friday to today are absolutely remarkable. His appetite is huge and he is enjoying everything he eats. His walking is getting stronger and muscles that were left weak from a combo of chemo and weeks in bed, are now coming to life and regaining their tone. We took a walk around the block today with LaBronte, then sat in the park and simply enjoyed Fall happening around us. Friends, marvelous, magnificent friends, have been coming by to pay their respects to the Don and hear the hero’s harrowing tales. I feel like our sunroom has become Receiving Central, as Dennis relaxes in his wicker throne (in case you need a visual reference, it sort of looks like the wicker chair that Big Boi sits in on the Speakerboxx/The Love Below Outkast CD) where he welcomes the Ozer-thirsty throngs. Both Dennis and I have had a chance to re-connect with many, many old friends, but one very special till-midnight-tonight bonus that has come out of this time in our lives has been the discovery of our fabulous, supportive friend and next door neighbor Erica Kaplan. We have been in our house for almost 7 years and there was Erica the whole time, living right by our side, so wonderful yet undiscovered by us. This is what I mean when I talk about stagnant, daily patterns. So many incredible people and experiences surround us, but we become too busy running to work, to do errands, to work out, to pick up the kids, to stop and say ‘what up?’ to the people we pass in a given day. Life altering events force you to put on the brakes and open yourself up to slowing down. When you take life by the hour, expecting nothing more than just making it on to the next, you see amazing things that you might have ran past just days before. Thus Erica (thank you, thank you)!
But, alas, I feel myself turning into Warm and Fuzzy Lecturing Barbie (or, as my mother has been known to say to me, ‘who cranked you up tonight?) Enough gems of wisdom for you! Sleep well, pat your kids, kiss the dog, group hug. Debra.
Oh … and GO SOX!!!

October 23-24, 2004

Nation of Ozer:
These are days like no others. At the risk of sounding all overly introspective and mushy, each day we wake up with Dennis seems imbued with something very special and precious. That baby analogy never seems to be far from my mind, but its so apropos. When he wakes up at night for any reason, I’m up like a shot making sure that all is right and that he is able to go back to a restful, peaceful place. My mommy hearing is, once again, at its keenest (all you moms will remember that as waking up to every little emission your baby makes while your significant other sleeps through the loudest, most earth-shattering wails). With each day, Dennis’ strength and confidence reasserts itself and he is already weaning himself off the majority of his medications. His appetite has been terrific and I think he is luxuriating in the wonderful tastes of non-hospital food. Chemo can drastically affect the taste buds and the taste of food, so I am so pleased that most everything seems to be sitting well and that his system is settling down, with everything moving or not moving the way it should (that was tactful, was it not?). His shoulder continues to bother him so we will have a PT come in to work with him and our friend Mina will also be at the house frequently to do her healing energy work in our beautiful, warm, glowing sunroom. Add to that the healing power of our friends and family, the potent visions of fall and the voodoo mojo of the World Series and the Patriots, and it could almost feel like all is right with the world (the ‘almost’ is a qualifier until we know the results of November 2nd).
Dennis and I had an extremely overwhelming and emotional day yesterday when we surprised our friends, Joel and Amy Coblenz at a lunch in honor of their son Jacob’s Bar Mitzvah. They knew there was an outside chance that I would be coming, but had no idea that I was going to try to bring Dennis if he was up to it. Joel and Dennis, in particular, seem to have a special bond and Joel’s e-mails were among some of the most moving I had read in their depth of feeling. When Joel saw Dennis and they embraced, the rush of emotion was unlike anything I ever experienced. When his wife Amy and our friends Dan and Diane Shapiro came over to greet their returned warrior, the floodgates burst open and we had a good old fashioned, my-mascara-is-running, blotchy-faced cry-a-thon. Very, very cathartic! We spent a few hours there enjoying the company of our good friends and savouring Blue Ginger’s superlative cuisine as we joined in the celebration of their son’s special day. It was such an extraordinary event for me to see Dennis back in his element presiding over the proceedings and basking in so much love and genuine admiration. I can’t even describe how it put me at peace and knocked me back to appreciating the small moments without the anxiety of ‘the next step’ interfering. Life allows us infinitesimal gifts at random moments throughout the day and we are sometimes so embroiled in the rat race and the next day, next chore, next project that our sense of wonderment gets trampled and submerged. I have been so focused on the transplant that I also couldn’t allow myself to fully immerse myself in this incomparable time and the lessons to be had. I fully realize that our battle is far from over, but it is such a privilege to be part of times like these and, if Dennis’ karmic lesson is to be gentle and patient with himself and those around him, then mine is to allow myself to live in the meaning of the moment in front of me, and not to obsess in whatever the next few might bring with them. ‘I hear the ancient footsteps like the motion of the sea/sometimes I turn, there’s someone there, other times it’s only me/I am hanging in the balance of the reality of man/like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand.’ Every Grain of Sand – Bob Dylan.

October 22, 2004

Dear Friends and Family:
I just came upstairs to write my update leaving the most beautiful sight in the world sitting in his accustomed place on the sofa in the family room (never was a place more appropriately named than today) buttoning and channel surfing. Dennis came home today at around 2:20p.m. and the ride back was one I will remember for years to come. The wonder in his eyes, after 4 weeks plus in the hospital, as he looked at the outside world, his home territory as we got near Needham and the gorgeous changing colors of fall (fall leaf watching has always been one of his favorite things) was the same as my children when they were small and experiencing something remarkable and special for the first time. It is truly significant that what we come to take for granted was very moving and emotional to him. Watching the leaves the past week or so had made me really sad and today, for the first time, I was able to see it and enjoy it because I was seeing it with him and the world was as it should be. Small moments that will last a lifetime. The kids were so amazing when they saw him. They were ecstatic but not overwhelming, showing him tremendous love but then settling back in around him like he had never been gone. I was concerned about some awkwardness, but their capacity to be flexible and accommodating as things ebb and flow is really astounding. Bronte was happy to see him and didn’t pummel him with her 95lb., body-throwing mad dog behavior (as we have come to call it when she gets happy feet) which was a relief as I didn’t want her to be disruptive. The only sad point in the day was the transfer of the kitties to the most wonderful Judy Pike and her family. I am so relieved and happy that they have gone to such a marvelous home, but they have been my loving, long-term friends and companions and I’m truly sad tonight that they had to leave.
I am also now drug-dispensing Debra, as Dennis has come home with an awe-inspiring arsenal of drugs which he has to take for the next few weeks. I do believe it’s the first time I’ve filled about 12 prescriptions in one fell swoop. Meanwhile, his prescription for the ever popular and effective Marinol was nowhere to be found at any pharmacy near or far here in suburbia and I had to run back to Children’s Hospital to get that bad boy filled. Herb in pill form; one would think that would be a pharmaceutical top seller (some of you are thinking ‘yeah, maybe in Mission Hill’.) The man has got so many ‘scrips that I have a printout of them all with blanks to keep track of when and what hes poppin’ so as to dose him well but properly.
Some of you have written to me inquiring whether I would now cease and desist with my updates (thank you Bob E. Heck for diggin’ on this sistah’s words) and some of you may be secretly hoping an end has come to your misery of having to dig through the sports and political ramblings to get to the lowdown on Dennis. I may not be updating on a daily basis as, God willing, we will happily slip back into our tedious, ordinary lives for awhile (life ain’t never tedious with this mix of characters!), but I will keep the updates coming as we get Dennis-related news to share and as Satan forces me to blather on ad nauseum about the Red Sox and the election which is so frighteningly close. Dennis, the Red Sox and John Kerry – we only need a 3 for 3 this once and then we can all live happily ever after. Celebrate my warrior’s return. Peace. Debra.

October 21, 2004

Mine in ‘O’:
This is the definition of a helluva week! Our Red Sox borrowed some guts, tenacity and determination from Dennis and pulled out a miracle for the long-suffering masses. Calling them unbelievably gutsy falls woefully short of describing the feeling we’re all feeling today (well, maybe not all of us. There are, of course, the Chiaffs in NY …). Okay, so I only speak for those of us in New England when I say that we’re savoring every bit of this victory; it still feels like a dream. Of course Dennis being Dennis, and here is proof positive that he is truly not a card-carrying member of the Red Sox nation, said, and I quote, “It meant something last night, it means nothing today. They need to win the World Series”. So much for enjoying the moment! It was like total deflation ….. NOT!!!! Nothing can bring us down until Saturday rolls in.
I went into the hospital today, packed him up and took almost everything back with me in anticipation of him coming home tomorrow afternoon. There is still an outside chance that his morning’s blood work might dictate otherwise but, at most, it would just be a one day delay of game (we’re heavy into the sports analogies here). His appetite has come roaring back and he was jonesin’ for a bagel with cream cheese when I called him at 8:00 this morning. He ate fairly well today and it all stayed put without nausea or cramps. He was essentially IV-pole less for most of the day and I took him off the floor for a walk for the first time since he checked in. I decided it was time for him to see more than other patients and people wearing scrubs and white labcoats. We went down to the lobby for an easy stroll and went back up fairly quickly as he was a bit nervous being around that much of a crowd (afternoons at B&W can be pretty action-packed). Might not seem like a lot, but it was huge for him and gives you an idea of how much the chemo can devastate physically even the most able-bodied specimen. It will be wonderful for him to be back in his own environment where he can rest, revitalize and enjoy the fresh, non-hospital air of fall. I promise I won’t allow Bronte to take him for any walks because, at a trim yet furry 95 lbs., one needs to be strong and have good traction to hold girlfriend back when she sees other dogs. But, for those of you residing in the Needham city limits, look for Dennis walking the neighborhood with me and the big white woman, accepting hosannas from the community as they stop to pay their respects. Yes folks, he may be a bit thinner and balder, but the Mayor is back! And he is coming home to 2 happening kids, a big dog, an evah-lovin’ wife, the world’s most amazing mother-in-law, an extraordinary community of family and friends and, last but not least, some wicked pissah baseball with the Red Sox in the World Series. Damn, but life is good. ‘The storms are raging on the rollin’ sea/and on the highway of regret/the winds of change are blowing wild and free/you ain’t seen nothing like me yet’ Make You Feel My Love – Bob Dylan. Lead by example. Debra

October 20, 2004

Yo O Club:
My morning started out pretty terrifically when it looked like Dennis was going to come home a day early (that being Thursday). Most of me was elated; the other part was going “Lordy, the house is such a mess!” As it turned out, his absolute neutrophil count had dropped again, from around 425 to 390, so they cancelled the idea of an ‘early release day’. As I had mentioned a few updates ago, his ANC seems to leap forward, fall back slightly then leap forward again, so we anticipate that he’ll hit the magic 500 number tomorrow and be ready to come home on Friday. Right in time for my birthday on Monday; best possible birthday present I could ever get! He still is having problems holding down food, but the prevailing opinion is that he will do far better at home in his own comfortable environment, where he can get the food he likes (we’ll have to experiment), get some fresh, clean air and most importantly, get lots of love and nurturing from yours truly and the offspring 24/7. He will come home with an arsenal of Adivan, Marinol and other nausea quenching goodies and can expect much adoration and pampering, so he need not feel that he is going without at anytime, be it our attention to his every need or his needs of a pharmaceutical nature. I’m still waiting to hear from his transplant surgeon in order to get a better idea of the weeks ahead and when they intend to move forward with the transplant. I do know that it will probably be within the next 2-3 weeks maximum, as the best transplant scenario will be with him in complete remission, and the likelihood of relapse, due to the Myelodysplasia is, unfortunately, quite high. We are meeting with a member of the transplant team tomorrow afternoon, so I am hoping to have a clearer picture of things at that time. So, I will let you all go easy tonight as a certain 7th game (its 6-0 on A Johnny Damon grand slam as it stands at 9:20p.m) is calling me to test the faith (which was waning big time several updates ago if you recall). Kudos to Curt Schilling (won’t he be pleased that he made my update) for last night’s performance which rated in the all time top ten gutsiest sports moments as determined by a certain Dennis Ozer, expert panel of one. Off to walk the chocolate bundt cake devouring white beast (today’s latest killer chocolate encounter – will have to put sweets in the oven so she can’t get to them) then back to watch those Sox make us all proud. ‘Wasn’t looking for any special assistance/not going to any great extremes/I’d already gone the distance/just thinking of a series of dreams’ – Series of Dreams – Bobby Zimmerman

October 19, 2004

Dear Friend and then some:
It may be gloomy, rainy and dark outside (at least here in Boston), but a happy sunshiny day was happening full force at our house today. As I have mentioned, Dennis blood counts have been doing a steady climb back to normal, at which point he will be discharged. In order for him to rejoin the familia here on William Street, his actual neutrophil count (his neutrophil count is a white blood cell component) needs to be over 500,000. This morning’s bloodwork revealed that it went from 180,000 yesterday to 425,000 today. If all goes well, meaning no more fevers, food stays happily down, he is able to be weaned totally off intravenous drugs and he hits the magic 500 number, he should be coming home on Friday or Saturday! Yes, this Friday or Saturday!!! National Needham holiday and rejoicing in the suburban streets! Dr. Stone is ecstatic (he actually used that very word, very comforting coming from a doctor) with his progress and his overall strength bodes extremely well for the transplant to come. I would still be happier if we found an adult matched or better mismatched donor, but I know that, in the end and with the help of many amazing people, I have done just about all that I can do bring the odds up, even it was only slightly more, in his favor. We have options, we have tremendous hope, we have the world’s most incredible karmic cheering section and, best of all, we got the indomitable spirit of the ‘O’ showing us all how it should be done!
I can’t even start to describe how frustrating the transplant component of this journey can and has been. There is a tremendous learning curve and the rate at which acute myeloid leukemia moves does not allow one the luxury of time to research and advocate from the most knowledgable power base possible. You end up cramming whats seems like a lifetime of scientific research and processes into a very overloaded and emotional cranium and need to reconcile with having to place a great deal of trust in a very few people That is something that does not always sit well with me when its Dennis’ life at stake. I have learned much and pushed far more than the people at DFCI and the NMDP are probably used to or comfortable with, but its difficult for me to rely on anyone without accountability and hand over decision-making power without being involved and well-informed. Sitting back and relying on others without a double-check is whats gotten this country in a whole world of trouble and discontent (ever the political axe to grind, huh?). Suffice it to say that I will not stop pushing, learning, questioning and asking for accountability where Dennis’ life is concerned. For all the times that I have been a pushy, obnoxious broad over trivial matters, this is the time when it counts the most to stand up and shout loudly.
***** Pause as she steps carefully down off high and mighty soapbox *****
There now, that’s better. How about them Sox? I will wait until tomorrow before offering commentary just in case I am left eating my words to Dennis’ friends the wonderful, but evil-empire lovin’ Chiaffs. Nothing in Red Sox nation is ever a gimme. Much pain and heartache is still to be endured before we long-suffering, emotionally damaged Red Sox fans can walk reverently down the golden road, lifting off the heavy shackles of the endless curse. Instead I will walk Bronte, who survived the killer brownie incident with nary a bad emission of any sort (I love my dog). Of course, theres also my cat Oscar and the attack of the glue …. but that’s a bedtime story for another night. ‘Good intentions can be evil/both hands can be full of grease/you know that sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace’ Man of Peace – Bob Dylan (just got a Dylan lyric book, thus the nightly Master quotations in Dennis’ honor). Night Y’all.

October 18, 2004

Those joined in Ozer::
Adam and I walked in to a beautiful sight when we visited Dennis today. He had just come back from having a few routine tests, and he walked back into the room completely detached from the IV pole. True, it was not forever and always quite yet, but it was still so fantastic to see him unencumbered and moving well under his own steam. His counts are climbing with larger gains each day, and we now have 3 full days without blood products or transfusions of any kind. He was definitely still tired and a bit woozy, but was definitely more alert than he has been. They are starting to cut back on his copious and highly varied palette of drugs as they don’t want him back home nasty and jonesin’ for Adivan, Morphine and Marinol. When he comes back home, he’ll just have to be slapped in the face by the Red Sox, the Election and all the other moribund news of the day in a completely sober, unaltered state just like the rest of us drudges (‘Who took her happy drugs away this morning? you are asking). Actually, you know that we will all roll out the red carpet and be celebrating him with every ounce of energy we have (which may not be a lot these days, but it’s the thought…). I do know that he should be home right in time to exercise his right to vote (as we all should no matter who we choose, as apathy is the only thing worse than a wrong vote) and, if we are very lucky and the timing all works out, there is a chance that Dennis will be able to stand at Adam’s side at his Bar Mitzvah. I can’t even start to express how much this will mean to all of us to …. Sports Alert!!! The Red Sox just tied the game! You see, even moments of high, teary emotion can get interrupted by important sports moments. We know our priorities here in the Goodman/Ozer household. Well, now that I’ve lost my focus on all things heart-warming and family-like, I do believe y’all just got a reprieve from another DDM (Debra Deep Moment). I was about to go off on a Bar Mitzvah-family-isn’t-family-without-Dennis sort of tangent but, instead, I’m going to go watch the game. I can hear the collective sighs of relief from here to Carmel California and points beyond. And she’s off to watch the game (miracles can happen), walk the fluffy brute (she consumed 16, count ‘em, 16 brownies – chocolate is toxic to dogs – and is a lucky canine tonight because her body weight absorbed the more poisonous effects of the killer brownies) and dream my dreams of Dennis healthy and holding court for his constituents. ‘And I could never let you go/no matter what goes on/’cause I love you more than ever/now that the past is gone’ Wedding Song – the Master

October 17, 2004

Those in Ozer:
Its terrible, its painful to watch, it haunts us day and night and will stay with us for years to come – a legacy of failure for our children and our children’s children (and no, I’m not talking about the Bush administration though the same might be said). 19-8? 19-8? This is not a reasonable way to lose in the playoffs. Still we believe, my ass. Forgive my language, Ozer fans of delicate constitutions, but what else can a long-suffering Red Sox fan say other than …. how about them Patriots? I now find myself rooting for whichever team in the Cardinals-Astro matchup that is most capable of beating the crap out of the Yankees. Again, do not blame our man in room 5B-38 for the obnoxious Red Sox rantings you hear in these updates; he knows not of this Red Sox Nation madness and subscribes only to the honorable basics of the game alone and the game well played. Don’t you hate that?
As promised, I kept my distance from room 5B-38 today because I woke up and still had that, crappy, under-the-weather feeling. Could be something, could be nothing, but one thing is for sure; I take no chances with Dennis. I was supremely glad to hear that he felt much better today and was far more alert, although the nausea still seems to be plaguing him somewhat. He had his most solid lunch yet today (shrimp, fruit, some salad) and seemed to hold it fairly well until later on in the afternoon when his stomach, once again, decided to say no to food (isn’t that a nice way to put it?). It will still take some time for his stomach to adjust, but he is definitely making inroads all around. His blood levels rose again, after yesterday’s slight drop, and this has been the third consecutive day without any need for blood products of any kind. All the signs we need to see for a remission in the making. As long as I feel well, I will bring Adam tomorrow for a long visit after school (my Red Sox fan unlike his traitorous, Astros-lovin’, contrarian brother). Like his mother, he has the fine gift of endless gab and will entertain his father mightily before putting him gently to sleep with his endless life-of-Adam chatter.
A quick note of thanks to everyone who has sent things to me and the kids to cheer us up; you are wonderful and, one of these days, I will attend to my proper social duties as taught to me by my beloved mother and thank you personally with a well crafted thank you note on stunning, yet elegant stationary. In particular, a bigtime shout-out to Allison Arnold (of the now infamous First Cousins club) for sending me Al Franken’s ‘Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them’. Hilarious – I have been feeling a touch on the blue side these last few days and I spent the majority of the day today either sleeping or reading this book, which made me just bust a gut laughing. I so needed that – excellent pick Allison (then again, maybe she meant it to go to Dennis and I bogarted it)!!!! So, its off for a Bronte walk, then on to a good political read before chanting my mantra and dreaming of donors. ‘The trail is dusty/the road it might be rough/but the good road is a-waitin’/and boys it ain’t far off’ Paths Of Victory - Bob Dylan.

October 16, 2004

Lucky FanClub:
You are going to get a bit of a break tonight as I am feeling a mite under the weather and will keep this one short. Then again, I’ve had that intention before and end up going on for pages, so never trust the promises of a long-winded woman!
Not a great day for our man in room 5B-38. The temperature was back up during the night and morning (to 102 and above) and, for some reason, he has been extremely nauseous all day. This was the first morning that he has woken up actively complaining about nausea. He has not been able to eat much and can’t seem to hold down what he does. Back to IV nutrition until the nausea eases up. His blood counts were slightly down from where they were yesterday, but today’s nurse, Lenore, feels that it is due to the fever and is nothing to worry about. I know intellectually that it’s a scenario of 2 steps forward, 1/2 step back, but it still puts me in a bit of a funk when I see those steps back. Jay Feinberg from Gift of Life visited with both of us this morning. Unfortunately, Dennis was too drugged up and exhausted to really be alert while Jay was there, but he was tremendously helpful to me, giving me guidance as one who has been there and helping to fill in the tremendous knowledge gaps that come with learning about transplants and donor searches. With so much at stake in the donor search, I often have trouble sleeping at night feeling there may be some rock I’ve left unturned or some small bit of information that is eluding me and could lead to a miracle match for Dennis. If Dennis’ job is to focus on getting well, mine is to get my arms around the transplant search and fully advocate in every way that I am humanely capable of for the best possible match. Understand that this is my mission people and I will not be turned aside come hell or high water. Jay has been unbelievably generous in sharing his time, his knowledge and the incredible resource that is the Gift of Life Bone Marrow Foundation, along with making each and every one of our multiple drives possible. His presence in our battle has been invaluable and we are indeed blessed to have his advocacy and personal attention as we quickly approach the challenge of making our crucial transplant decisions.
And its off to bed with my headachy, lousy feelin’ self (and I said this would be short…). Rest assured that if I am still under the weather tomorrow, I will forego my visit to the Man as he can’t be anywhere around anyone who is remotely resembling sick. I leave my kids to the TV and the Sox, Bronte (who we refer to as ‘the other bitch’ in the house) to a quick pee in the backyard and all of you to a night of little matched stem cells dancing through your dreams. Keep casting your karmic nets. Debra.

October 15, 2004

Nation of Many:
I am looking forward to these updates getting shorter as Dennis continues to feel better and his overall condition continues to improve. His fever has, for the most part, stayed consistently low and today was the first day that he didn’t need any blood products of any kind. According to his nurse, Lisa, his white blood cell count is definitely on the rise all by its lonesome, exactly as it should be in a patient in remission (that word is a symphony in Dylan to my ears!). He still remains fairly drugged up but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing! He also seemed to have slept weirdly on one of his shoulders and was in quite a bit of pain more from that than anything chemo-related. Our friend Mina came in to work with him again today, and left him feeling very relaxed, emotionally peaceful and sleeping deeply and soundly (bless her wonderful Scottish heart). The rash was markedly better and he continues to eat lightly as his appetite returns. I did bring Jakob in today for a short while, but Dennis definitely had a difficult time staying awake, despite the fact that he held off on an Oxycotin for the shoulder so he would be alert for Jake. I could see that Jake was also a little ‘freaked-out’ (as he himself put it) at seeing his Dad bald, rash-covered and kind of weak and ‘shaky’ (again, as Jakob put it). For Jake, Dad is a force bigger, tougher and louder than life itself, so I think it was tough for him to see him sick and looking vulnerable. Whereas Adam has dealt with my father’s sickness and subsequent death and the death of his babysitter Penny, who died right in front of him alone in my kitchen (that’s a hell of a story in itself), this is Jake’s first experience with illness and family trauma to this degree. He misses his Dad and misses the focused attention he usually gets from me and often shows it by acting out and acting regressively (temper tantrums that would test Mother Theresa’s patience). His teacher recently related to me that he said that it makes him mad that Mom is constantly on the phone or computer at night always doing things that have to do with Dad. Its that jealous male thing and reminds me of how men get when we have babies and feel that we give all our female attention to the baby at the expense of the Daddy person. But I digress (easy to do when one is tired). Bottom line is that Dennis was so happy to see him and it really lifted his spirits and I hope to get Adam to the hospital tomorrow so he can show his Dad some love, offspring style.
The outpouring of warmth and support we continue to receive from every member of OzerNation continues to amaze and move Dennis (and he still loves you just as much and forgives you your GOP-ness, Carol Klim!) I leave you tonight, for the task of walking La Bron-te in the pouring rain, with what he said today when we were talking about our community – you are a blessing on our house. Debra.

October 14, 2004
Greetings from Fight Central:
Okay, the Red Sox are down 2-zip, the pundits (how does one officially earn their degree in professional pundit-ism?) have the gall and audacity to say that Bush may have won last night’s debate, but we still have Dennis and he is on the mend. And that is the reason why we gather here each and every night to preach, pray and say the mantra, now isn’t it? So, we’ll pack up Grandma, Bronte and the kids and move to Canada when he’s better …. hey, its pretty up north!
Our man, though remarkably high and out of it, is definitely walking the recovery road and taking grand little baby steps towards remission. He was as drugged up today as I’ve seen him yet and pretty unintelligible, murmuring and slurring when I called him this morning and at many points throughout the day. I just keep nodding and saying ‘love you, baby’. But he’s comfortable and getting rest, so whatever it takes is all good by me. His appetite continues to improve and, although he has had some bowel rumbling after eating, as a whole his stomach seems to be adjusting and holding steady. If he has another fairly comfortable night without diarrhea, I might venture to say that the Teflitis is just about healed up. (Mmm, mmm, mmm, someday he will look at these updates and think ‘all these nasty details about my bowels and diarrhea! And I married this sick woman?’) The rash is looking much better and they are even beginning to see a rise in his blood levels, albeit tiny. He did have platelets today, so they will have to see a continued rise without the aid of transfusions to truly say that his blood levels are heading up. But Dr. Stone feels he is doing great and that his body is responding exactly as he would anticipate in a patient who is heading towards a healthy remission. From his lips to God’s ears, as they say.
I am still waiting to hear results of the two drives (Brooklyn and here in Newton) and the first Stamford CT drive, starring Elena Levy, is on for this Sunday. I have heard that there is a confirmed double-umbilical cord protocol that will be adequate for Dennis’ weight. When last I mentioned this, the NMDP was still searching for two compatible cords, which they now have. Considering that the confirmed BC mismatch is far from optimum, with all the information available to us today, Dr. Antin would choose the cord blood transplant option as long as Dennis achieves a complete remission. Again, this is not the transplant of choice, but with no adult perfectly matched donor in the foreseeable future, the cord blood option is presenting itself as the safest candidate with the best hope for success. Needless to say, there is much to be done before we are at the transplant stage, but I will keep doing everything in my power to try to find a more suitable match for him. The transplant piece of this is extremely complicated on a genetic and molecular level, and there is much I still don’t know and need to learn. I know, on an intellectual level, that the odds of finding a perfect adult donor are not at all in our favor due to his rare tissue type, but I strongly believe in the power of prayer and karma. If ever anyone deserves to test the theory that all the love and positive karma you put out into this world will come back to you threefold, it is Dennis. All the lives he has touched check in with us everyday through this website and I’m sure they each have an incredible story to tell about their extraordinary friend. And friends, I know he will come out on the other side of this time in his life with more manic Ozer stories with which to entertain the masses for many years to come. Bronte calls (big fluffy chick dog). Here’s to miracles. Debra.

October 13, 2004

Dennis Lovin’ People:
What a total joy it is to be able to address you tonight with today’s great news (how presidential sounding of me)! Words seem far from adequate in their ability to express all of the feelings and the palatable sense of relief that we are feeling here in Chez Goodman/Ozer. But, as I am finding out more with each passing day, going through cancer is a never-ending process of discovery and fact-finding, so I do have to temper the news somewhat by telling you not to abandon your remission mantra quite yet. While this is most definitely the beginning of what will hopefully be a total remission, it is just that, a beginning or initial stage. He is not ‘officially’ in the clinical definition of full remission. That will be determined in around two weeks with a final biopsy after his blood counts rise back to their normal levels, unaided by transfusions, and without any leukoblast cells re-appearing in his bone marrow. But that in no way takes away from the fact that today is HUGE, that the statistics are very much in his favor, and A #1, NO MORE CHEMO!!!!
I truly thought I was going to have a coronary of my very own waiting for the results. Hours passed this morning and I still hadn’t heard from Dr. Stone. Of course, being a Jewish woman, I was running every horrible scenario through my mind as I built up a mighty head of righteous, pissed-off steam. I called Dennis bitching and moaning about it in that nasty, strident way that those who know me well are all too familiar with. But Marinol boy, who was busy floating in a happy, relaxed place that I knew not of, told me to ‘mellow out, what will be will be and can’t be rushed’ at which point I felt it was only fair that he share the nice drugs and pony up some of what he had cookin’ in that IV. Finally, I decided it was time for, da-da-ta-ta ‘Aggressive, Medical Advocating Woman’, she of the big mouth and short fuse. I had Dr. Stone’s nurse paged and he got back to me soon after to let me know the good word. Seems that he was waiting until later when he could see Dennis in person to let us both know. NOT! Considering he didn’t end up coming into Dennis’ room until around 6:00p.m., I would have been in a pretty ugly, state of complete frothing, maddened frenzy had I waited and not placed that call. Debra’s life lesson for today? Don’t get pissed; get pushy.
Dennis continues to slowly but surely make improvement. Naturally, today’s news had a profound impact on his good spirits when he could feel confident that he would not have to undergo any more chemo. He is such a brave, fearless individual, but I know even he would have been demoralized facing 5 more days of chemo. Now he can concentrate all his efforts on healing and getting better so he can get a complete remission and come home to his ever lovin’ familia. His appetite has started to return and he had small amounts of bland solids to eat today (theres that baby analogy running through my head again). He needs to eat carefully and slowly to allow his system to re-adjust to food without setting off any bouts of diarrhea, but its all good thus far. The rash also looked slightly better today. Bonus points go to the 3 Infectious Disease Doctors 3, who came by to check on him and were very funny. Lots of good punning (i.e. telling Dennis not be so ‘rash’), Dennis comes from a long line of first class, professional pun-sters (Elena, we shared Harry’s urn pun with our ID friends), and I’m sure the family Usadi/Levy can well appreciate the irony of the ID doctors finding a true connoisseur who could appreciate their schpeal. Who needs a cure when you got an act like that? Between yesterday and today, he received about 4 units of blood, which should help alleviate some of the tiredness and breathlessness he’s been experiencing. Our friend Mina also came over today to do some energy work with him that he found both very emotional and impactful. Energy work (Reiki, Cranio-sacral) is extraordinary and enriching for the healthiest among us and is nothing short of essential for those dealing with cancer. Mina, in particular, is a deeply gifted and spiritual healer and I thank her so much for sharing her love and healing energy with Dennis. So many helping us along this road of discovery and recovery – it still humbles me each and every moment.
Now, if only our Red Sox and John Kerry can do a Dennis! Then, we can all live happily ever after secure in the knowledge that, when we lay our keppies (head in Yiddish) down at night, there is justice in this world, the good guys can win in the end and that we need not move to Canada anytime soon. Keep doing the remission tango and know I love you all. Debra.

October 13, 2004

Just got the word, no more chemo for Dennis. HE GOT THE BIG R .......... More to come!

October 12, 2004

Dearest Ozer Buds:
So, let me get this out of the way so we can all move on. I know you are all waiting to hear the news but, just as I predicted in yesterday’s update, I don’t have word yet. We will all have to wait until the morning and I will update the website as soon as the word comes down and not wait until the evening. This is a promise and a pledge.
Dennis had a much better night last night and finally felt that he got a good night’s rest. Never thought that I would say this but bless Sister Morphine. He remained diarrhea free throughout the night and, as a result, will be able to very slowly start to re-introduce solid food back into his system. Of course, his appetite is somewhat non-existent after the beating his body has been subjected to, so it is Marinol, a derivative of the active ingredient in marijuana, to the rescue (do not even get my little political self started on the subject of medical marijuana …). The beauty of Marinol is that, not only does it quell nausea, but as any good high will do, (of course I never inhaled myself, so what I report is just from info gathered on the internet), it gives you a wicked good case of the munchies. Sure enough, when I left for the evening, he was grousing about when he was going to get some food into his body. A very good sign indeed. Mix in a little Valium and Adivan to the Marinol, and Dennis finally got his wish when he exclaimed in his last communiqué to Ozer World “All these drugs and none that get me high! What a shame!” Glad to see that the doctors at Brigham and Women have finally decided to correct that grievous oversight. (Red Sox pause -- what the hell are they doing to us? Talk about grievous!!!). He spent most of the day drifting and sleeping peacefully which was like manna from heaven to my eyes after the tough days he has endured. The rash is still pretty nasty looking but they are keeping close watch to make sure that it is just a drug rash and nothing more serious. He was visited by the infectious disease crew 3 times with the promise of a 4th visit that never materialized and certain redheads hung around specifically waiting for (again, I’ll take this no show as a good sign for Dennis). Word to the wise, oh infectious disease dudes; you probably do not want to piss my tired ass off right now! Then again, perhaps they heard I was there and that’s why they never showed (paranoia creeps in). Finally, as I bent over to kiss my man goodnight, I noticed lots of little black hairs on the pillow and also realized that his goatee was getting sparse, so, yes, its time for the hair to fall out. He reminds me of my boys when they were babies, complete with that bald spot at the back of their heads where their hair rubbed off from laying on their backs so much. I promise you all a new picture of him on the website when his rash goes away and his head and chin are completely purdy and shiny. You just know he will be a hot, handsome, hairless bald man! And, since I am once again feeling like I’m on the slippery slope to Punchyland, the place where all manner of stupid things get said, that is my slap upside the head to go walk the Bronte and turn my full attention to the debacle playing itself out on our TV screens (my, but we are a long suffering people!). Go safely to bed this evening tucking the mantra, the man and the love extra close to your hearts and minds. Yours in the Nation (you choose which). Debra
Rest in peace Christopher Reeve

October 11, 2004

Friends in Ozer:
Hopefully you have all had an opportunity to catch up with the last two day’s updates. My thanks for your patience; next time, I’ll warn you ahead of time when Flo goes away and I won’t be posting nightly or I’ll get over my techno fear and learn how to post myself. Yesterday’s drive in Brooklyn went very well. Through cousin Eva Usadi’s efforts of going to more than one shul (temple) to seek victims, she estimated that they were able to test between 300-350 people. She hopes to be able to take the ‘show on the road’ as it were, as there is a tremendous Jewish population in Brooklyn (second only to Israel) and many small congregations along each block. So, along with the results from our Newton drive, we have many more results to look forward to and many more chances to find the miracle match!
After another very long, difficult night, Dennis’ doctors decided it was time to bring in the heavy drug artillery in an effort to finally make him comfortable and greater able to cope with all that he is going through. He spent the majority of today in a bit of a drug induced haze courtesy of morphine, valium and Lord knows what else, but seemed able to rest up a bit more than he has. Rumour has it that he will be hooked up to a self-adminstering morphine pump in the near future (not to worry; it locks itself out on a timer so the over-eager patient can’t OD). He continues to be plagued by the rigers (must check this spelling with the medical powers-that-be) and the drug rash has spread all over his body. Although the rash is not a thing of beauty, it does not seem to be any cause for concern because there is no itching or constriction of his breathing passages. It is just one more thing to deal with. The temperature has been fluctuating somewhat, but not as dramatically as the last 3 days. It comes down and has stayed down for longer periods of time, allowing the nursing staff to accomplish at least one bag of the red blood cells transfusion; hopefully, the other bag will be transfused tonight. Probably the best news of today is that they were able to treat the diarrhea with Imodium and he has, knock on wood that it continues through the night, been diarrhea and cramp free all day. This is an enormous relief to both him and to me …. small victories, in this war, mean a lot.
I e-mailed Dr. Stone not long ago regarding when to expect the biopsy results tomorrow and, unexpectedly heard back from him a few minutes ago. I must tell you, he is one special man and I see why he is so highly regarded both from a standpoint of knowledge and as a doctor with a heart. His responsiveness is a Godsend and has been an oasis in a lot of the frustration I’ve experienced elsewhere. He feels that the results will not be posted at DFCI until around 6:00 tomorrow evening, more than likely making them unavailable to me until the following morning. I know that many of you are hanging on the word coming down tomorrow as am I, but please hold tight if you do not see the final results in tomorrow’s update. You will know as soon as I have them and I will make sure to post an update immediately, even if it is early in the day. Until then, my deepest thanks to Eva Usadi and Elena Levy for bringing drives to Brooklyn and Stamford and for showing the love to your cuz. Ongoing blessings to Dr. Stone, Dr. DeAngelo, residents and interns a plenty and the oncology nursing staff on 5B for being the integral part of fighting the battle to bring Dennis home to us minus the demon. Ain’t no stopping the Queen of the Jungle. Debra.

October 09/10/2004

Hey FanClub Ozer:
Sorry for the update delay. I may write them, but I do not post them and the magnificent Flo Scott-Hiser, my post-it woman, has been away and internet-less most of the weekend. So, never worry if you do not see a daily post; I promise it does not ever mean bad news of any sort, just that either I was held up or Flo was unavailable that day (how dare she!) Quick sports flash just ‘cause I can’t help myself and I am Dennis’ wife after all. Patriots record 19 in a row! Red Sox-Yankees next week – can we live through another one? Pedro, Manny, Ortiz and Damon – win one for Dennis (even though he doesn’t subscribe to the Nation – it sounds good!)! On to the man …..
The rough ride continues. These past two days have been among his most difficult yet with the full monty of lousy chemo stuff including a drug rash, nausea and vomiting, cramps and diarrhea and the ever present fever which plagues him with uncontrollable shaking (called Rigers) when it goes up and extreme sweats as it goes down. Tylenol and Demerol work to bring down the fever and control the shakes, but it almost seems to head back up as soon as it has just come down. And, for me, there is once again that feeling of being totally ineffectual to ease any of the suffering. Yes, its all to be expected and yes, its supposedly nothing to be concerned about, but none of that makes it any easier to digest. Colm T. Nurse had been trying for most of the day Saturday to get platelets and a red blood cells transfusion into him, but couldn’t do so because of the fevers. When last checked, it was finally down to around 99.8, so they will be able to proceed with the platelets. The fever didn’t stay down long enough most of the day on Sunday to get some red blood cells into him, but, as of my 7:12p.m. phone call tonight, he seems to be better and they’re hoping to hook up the transfusion in about 1/2 hour. We both decided it was best not to bring the kids in either day with the fever raging the way it has been, but I’m still hopeful to be able to get in a quick visit with them on Monday. I have to keep reiterating, both to all of you and to myself, that this is all part of the process of chemo bringing a patient down to their nadir, which is the very lowest point the immune system will go down to before it starts to rebuild and blood levels start to rise. At that point, most of these symptoms will start to dissipate and he will begin feeling markedly better fairly rapidly. And when will he reach his nadir, you ask? Like everything in this process, its very individual and could go on for another week or another few days. According to Colm T. Nurse (we even have visitors who have met him referring to him by that name), its usually about two weeks from the end of the induction chemo phase, so we could be in for another week of this. And, while there seems to be nothing about this that one can pull any good, fuzzy feelings out of, if we get the magic ‘R’ word on Tuesday, it will all be a hell of a lot easier to cope with. At least then we can be confident that, after his blood levels start to rise, it will only be a matter of time until he’s back home for a little while. Please keep sending prayers and thoughts of strength and healing his way. He is incredibly stoic under this chemo assault and I know that he feels the power of this community of his lifting him up and holding him close. He is my pride and joy. Debra

10/08/04

Hello Ozer Friends:
Another difficult day in Room 5B-38. Dennis’ temperature continues to fluctuate, never going higher than 101.5, but bringing with it terrible chills and uncontrollable shakes that have to be treated with Demerol. These are the weeks, after the chemo is over, that the reactions become most prominent and the monotony of the days becomes most prevalent. It seems to be a watching and waiting game, watching to make sure that none of the reactions to the chemo are out of the ordinary and then waiting for the body to bear up under and get over the results of those reactions day after day. As he has felt up to it, he has had a few visits which have helped provide distraction from and break up the long day. I’m hoping to bring the boys in again tomorrow as long as he gets a good night’s sleep and his temperature stays down. They are missing him tremendously and I know the feeling is very mutual. The boys and I are very tight and are holding up well (thanks to our circle of family and friends), but there is always that missing presence of Dennis in the house that is almost as real and palatable as his physical self when he is home. I think we all take for granted the day-to-day routine and ritual that becomes our lives with our families and it is there that I feel most strongly how cancer impacts and disrupts. I said to someone today that, whereas I could plan most every moment of my day and our lives before Dennis got sick, these days I wake up with no expectations of where a day will go. I only hope that, when I call Dennis each morning, he has passed the night easily. It’s a very day-to-day, sometimes hour-to-hour existence that rotates around temperatures, blood levels and small words of encouragement from nurses and doctors instead of work talk, kid’s grades, politics and soccer games. Okay, so maybe it still rotates around politics too …
And that’s is always our saving grace. I may have my wistful moments, but then my sense of humor (and innate drama queen-o-meter) kicks in and tells me to quit while I’m ahead. The Red Sox swept the Angels, Bush-Kerry #2 was entertaining and enlightening and I have the Ozer Nation sending love and chanting the mantra for my #1 man. Small victories for now and that’s enough to go to sleep on. Remission, remission, remission. Debra.

10/07/04

Yo Nation:
The biopsy was completed at around 12:00 and now its all about waiting for the tale of the bone marrow to see if our mantra works.  Prelimary results of the aspirate are good and show no definitive leukoblasts, but I must stress that these are only PRELIMINARY results and we will only be able to safely say the big 'R' word when we get the DEFINITIVE results early next week (note the blatant use of CAP letters to get the point across). So, PLEASE don't take this as a definitive remission report as we are not yet in the clear, and no let up allowed on your chanting!  On to the report from Room #5B-38.  Dennis was fairly tired after the biopsy and spent the majority of the day resting and sleeping.  He did not get the best night's sleep again, due to the stomach issues, and the lack of solid food combined with the drugs that he is taking, has kicked the nausea up a few notches.  His temperature also went back up to 101, so he was once again feeling chilled and sweaty.  Again, this is the normal course of chemo and, while difficult to go through and watch, there is nothing happening that is of concern.  He is receiving another red blood cell transfusion as we speak which reminds me to once again mention the importance of donating blood and platelets.  This is only one cancer patient whose need for almost daily blood products is being relayed to you. Multiply this times Lord knows how many numbers of patients and you can see how the need could easily outweigh the availability.  There is much within our bodies and our reach that is renewable and life-saving; open your hearts and open your minds (one of these updates, I'll find a way to use my favorite George Clinton quote 'Free Your Mind and Your Ass Will Follow'...).
I also found out late this afternoon that the final cousin, Jonathan Usadi, is not a match.  None of this comes as a surprise, as the odds were very much against one of them typing out, but all avenues need to be pursued.  No further word on cord matches or a better mismatch scenario.  As you can see, I bring it to you as it is brought to me, uncensored and uncut. 
And in other news .... for those of you who live near or close to  New York and Connecticut, the OzerNation First Cousins Club proudly presents the following drives for your swabbing pleasure.  Please contact the first cousin in charge of the drive for directions and any other information you may need to report for duty for Dennis (she steals yet another Kerry line).
October 10, 2004
10am- 2pm Persian Congregation, 14-34 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY, 11230
FIRST COUSIN CONTACT = Eva Usadi at 212-532-6574
October 17, 2004
9am- 2pm Temple Sinai, 458 Lakeside Drive, Stamford, CT, 06903
FIRST COUSIN CONTACT = Elena Levy at 203-251-8423
November 7, 2004
12pm- 4pm Stamford JCC, 1035 Newfield Avenue, Stamford, CT
FIRST COUSIN CONTACT = Elena Levy at 203-251-8423
So come join the Usadi/Levy first cousins, New Yawkers and Connecticut-ettes, and be the first kid on your block to swab for Dennis!  Meanwhile, please refresh your dennisozer.com homepage and you will notice the new 'How Do I Test for Dennis' link.  The fact that the swab test can easily be home adminstered is a very potent weapon in our search for a match.  We realize that we can't mount drives in every state, but we can ask you, his friends and family, to encourage everyone you know or meet of Jewish or mixed European ancestry (Sephardic is also most welcome) to send away for kits so they can be tested.  Hell, if Kerry/Edwards can inspire us common folks to host grass-roots debate and fundraising parties, why not host a similar swabbing gathering of your friends and loved ones, a veritable Tupperware party with cheeks and swabs??  Better yet, you can combine a good Kerry/Edwards political gathering with a mandatory swabbing session and you've managed to kill 2 birds with one stone, as they say, and be, all around, just too, too PC.  And with that said, this rapid descent into cliche and histronics is a dead giveaway of the need for a long walk with the great white beast.  For all of those GOP FanClub members, please know that Dennis is in no way responsible for the political content you read within. This is all a product of my own 'bleeding-heart, liberal, femi-nazi' (nods to Ann Coulter) imagination let loose to espouse and run digitally amok.  Cut Dennis some slack for his wife and keep the love coming his way.  Yours in the Mantra.  Debra

10/06/04

Hi to all -
All in all, a fairly good day in hospital room 5B-38 today.  Dennis got to watch the game yesterday (a win), got to watch the debate last night (southern boy John held his own against Grandpa Dick and they're tied in the polls), the temperature has stayed down and Dr. Stone is feeling confident about tomorrow's bone marrow biopsy.  He received another round of platelets and red blood cells today and it looks like his white blood cell counts are on their way back up (a good sign).  The stomach condition, officially called Teflitis, continues to bother him but is fairly common; 4 other chemo patients on his floor also have it.  Chemo tends to (!gross description alert!) slough off the stomach lining resulting in inflamation that is exacerbated by food and similar irritants.  Its almost like a form of temporary colitis and is easily cured through a combination of resting the tract (thus the intravenous) and antibiotics.  !End of gross description alert!  Amazing what one can learn that they never particularly wanted to!!  Again, Dr. Stone has no concerns over the Teflitis (does one capitalize disease names?), so if he ain't sweatin' it, I sure ain't!
Dennis was visited and held court today with two first year Harvard Medical School students (John and Thomas). They got the full Debra and Dennis Show treatment when they asked him for the history of his illness summed up in 20 minutes or less.  Listening to us work the story was a thing of beauty.  We were a finely tuned orchestration of single-minded purpose, smoothly segueing our salient points one off the other, gently building the story and the momentum without ever overstepping or interrupting.  The D&D show had it all: pathos, affirmation, humor with a tinge of sadness, yet, overall, an inspiring sense of strength and resolute determination.  John thought Dennis' story so compelling that he came back to talk some more after his 20 minute allotment had expired.  He is now Dennis' new friend, invited to go out to dinner with him and hang when the mayor is feeling better and once again able to pithely entertain his constituency.  In other words, hes baaaack!!!! So bone up on yo' game, Jordan Gupp, because he will be back to see them skills and mop up da court wid yo' butt!
Check your screens this evening for a new entry of 'Notes from Dennis' as he has once again brought fingers to keyboard in an effort to entertain and enlighten.  Time for me to tuck the dog in and walk the kids or something like that.  And with that, as only Peanut (old Dennis name from Brooklyn days that I've been dying to use) could put it, I'll be seeing you tomorrow on the other side of the bone marrow biopsy.  Talkin' the talk.  Debra.

10/05/04

Hey Ozer Humanity:
Welcome back.  Our man Dennis seems to be doing a fair bit better today (he called my description of yesterday afternoon's aggravations 'diplomatic'). I, on the other hand, seem to be losing it at a very quick rate.  Despite the fact that I reminded myself 3 count 'em 3 times, I managed to strand Adam at school for a good hour when I kinda, sorta forgot to pick him up at 3:30.  A mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Dennis' temperature has remained down for most of the day making for a slightly easier and more comfortable time of it for him.  He did have a CAT scan today to further examine whether there was a stomach problem behind the continuing cramps and diarrhea.  Prelimary returns on the test do indicate some kind of infection may be present but, as of about an hour ago, hes waiting for Dr. Stone or Deangelo to come in and discuss it further.  The intern who reported it to him did say it was nothing of major concern and is fairly typical of chemo, but it will need to be treated and completely cleared up before they would even think of preceeding with the transplant.  Will report more as I find out more.  In the meantime, Dennis will remain off food for awhile and receive all nourishment intravenously to allow his gastro tract an opportunity to rest. 
Dennis' bone marrow biopsy will take place on Thursday and we're hoping to have the remission answer by Monday.  Meanwhile, y'all know what your chanting homework is, so get to it!  My next step will be to try and meet with Dr. Antin (his stem cell transplantation physician) and try to get my arms around the different options as they are presenting themselves if we do not find a matched donor.  I have found out that 4 more of the first cousins, Eva Usadi, Lester Levy, Ruth Cornell and Debby Nagler, are not matches, which leaves one cousin, Jonathan Usadi, as the last possible first cousin match possibility.  Interestingly enough, Gift of Life, unlike the NMDP, felt that I should go ahead and type the kids even though Dennis and I did not share common markers, as stranger things have happened.  My friend Jill Kaplan came over after the drive and worked her swabbing magic with both of them and I sent their tests off to Gift of Life today.  And of course, there are the results of our drive which we should have in 10 days to 2 weeks and the results of 5 other combined drives taking place in Seattle, Brooklyn NY and Stamford CT.  Gift of Life also runs drives frequently that are not necessarily Dennis-related and those typing results also get compared to Dennis' on a daily basis.  So, in the end, every drive becomes Dennis-related and every day offers new matching possibilities.  Its all about hope, my friends, and mine is infinite!  To steal a phrase from the Kerry campaign 'Never Yield an Inch!' Debra

10/04/04

Y'OzerPeople:
It still blows me away that you all check into this little part of the digital universe every day to walk the road with Dennis and my family.  To those of you who say you can't believe that I always manage to update before I sack out, I have to say, with a Nation like the one that surrounds us, I wouldn't have it any other way.  You motivate me and keep me sane and functional throughout.  I haven't got time for the pain (I must be tired as hell if I'm quoting Carly Simon.  My, how the mighty have fallen).
Dennis started the morning off really well. He called me early and sounded strong and lively.  The temp remained down through the night resulting in a restful night's sleep, and the platelets and red blood cells definitely gave him a boost as intended. The day remained uneventful right up until I got there (Debra G., harbinger of crappy afternoons).  He had just finished a set of 5 laps around the pod, his first steps out and about in well over 3 days.  He got back and for some reason, the exertion seemed to set off a fever.  Next thing we knew, it was back up to 102 and climbing and his good mood and overall feeling of well being rapidly disintegrated as it rose.  They quickly got some tylenol into him which brought down the fever rapidly enough, but left him sweaty, wet and chilled.  He had to change bedclothes 3 times as he soaked them through. On the 3rd time, he took his glasses off and placed them on the bed,  where they were accidentally tossed out with the wet linens.  Good news was they were found, bad news was they were broken (B&W will pay to replace them).  Add in the rash from a few days ago, continuing cramps from the candy I brought him, and the general monotony of the long days, and things were very much becoming the definition of an 'off day'.  Finish with the fact that the baseball playoffs are starting and there is no ESPN to be had, and sweet, affable Dennis finally got extremely grumpy and pissy ("Damn girl, hes allowed!" I hear you all saying and I agree).  Luckily, the bendryl for the rash and oxycotin for the cramps soon took the edge off the lousy afternoon. When I left for the evening, his temp was back to normal and he was drifting, drowsing and back to the patient with the best damn attitude west of the Pecos.
O-Nation, I have tried to find a way around it, but if anyone, anyhow, anyway can work some kind of magic to get my man ESPN in that damn hospital room, you will be our best friend, lifelong pal and personal savior.   No one should ever have to miss the Red Sox in the playoffs, especially since everyone is saying that this is their .... wait, no, I can't say it, it hurts too much to go there.  Suffice it to say that I would move mountains and even say that Sugar Ray won that fight if I could hook the man up somehow!! At least he'll be able to watch the V.P. debate tomorrow night and that should be good for some hisses and chuckles.  Yours in political incorrectness.  Debra

10/03/04

Wow O-Nation:
What an amazing day!  First to Dennis. His temperature has, for the most part, remained down.  In the morning when I first called him at around 9:00, it was all the way down to 98.  It did spike back up to 100.5 during the day, but went no higher than that, giving me hope that the days of 103 spikes are over.  He also received platelets along with the red blood cell transfusion from yesterday and definitely sounded more like his own bad-ass Dennis self.  He called several times during the day with questions and commands; "How many people are there?" "Did you bring any food?" "Did so and so come?" "Are you taping it?" "Bring Adam, bring Jake", "Did Flo put the news article about me on the website?", etc., so on and yadayada. As a matter of fact, he called so frequently and was so persistent and demanding in trying to direct the action, that I knew he must be feeling much better as his mind was roving off the business of getting well and wandering over to our Ozer Production at the JCC.  A good sign indeed!  And I thought I would have to play endless Bush speeches to get that much of a rise out of him!
The drive was very busy and we got a ton of unexpected media coverage. NECN (New England Cable news) send a unit over, interviewed me, interviewed Dennis over the phone (the hospital would not allow them in) and then went live from the JCC.  Channel 4 promoted the event on their calendar section and even Fox News got into the action with an interview of me and Adam.  We shot video for Dennis and took lots of digital photos which will soon be on display at dennisozer.com for your entertainment and visual consumption  (we are all imaging folks here after all).  While we didn't quite get the numbers we expected because, as it turns out, much of the Jewish community had already been tested in a large drive last year and a massive one in 1999, it still was quite the happening place and we tested over 325 new people out of the about 400 who showed up (the rest were deferred for medical reasons).  If anyone would like to test who was unable to come today (or who lives out of state), you can go to www.giftoflife.org and register online. They will send you instructions and a kit free of charge and its an easy swab test that can be self-administered and sent back for testing.  I don't know how to even start to thank all of the incredible friends, family and new friends who came to volunteer and be part of the community that has come forth for Dennis.  Extra special love to Jill K. and Mike and Perla C. for making the trip from the land of the evil empire (NYC that is) to test, volunteer and show the love.  You are each tremendously special and have chosen to take a journey with us that would be lonely and devastating without you.  Now go tuck your bad selves into bed, say your remission prayers and repeat the mantra just like I taught you!  Power to the People.  Debra

10/02/04

Dear Friends:
First to the realm of Ozer, the reason that brings you to this internet part of the universe everyday.  Small victories are what sustains us and and Dennis got one today when his fever broke in the early morning and went down to 99 degrees.  By chemo standards, anything under 101 is considered normal.  It did spike up a little during the day, but minimally so compared to what it has been over the last few days.  As of 8:45p.m. (Eastern standard time, baby) the fever remains down at 99 and they were administering benedryl and prepping him for a transfusion of several units of red blood cells. His hematocrit is down to 23, the lowest I've seen it, so he has been feeling very weak and tired, but they had been holding off on the transfusion because of the fever.  By tomorrow, between the blood units and reduced temperature, he should be feeling markedly better and ready to move around and start walking the pods again.  The cramps and diarrhea are still troublesome to him but, since all of his stool cultures remain negative, there seems to be no localized infection and it just seems to be the way his body is coping with the onslaught of chemo drugs.  Hes still not eating much of anything solid as it brings on the cramps, but he is drinking and remaining hydrated.  I keep my fingers crossed that the fever remains down, that the lowest point has been reached, and that he gets to slowly but steadily start the climb back that will lead to a clean bone marrow biopsy.  Remember, keep meditating and praying on that all important mantra: remisssion, remission, remission.  Say it when you're lying down, say it when you're rising up, take it into your heart and send it back out his way (uh-oh, its the attack of the verbal drama queen).
And for all of you who have been asking if I'm okay and how I'm holding up, I figure if I can still laugh at my crazy-ass old self, 'I guess I'm doing fine' as our man Dylan says on the homepage.  And tomorrow, ITS ON!  My friends Dan and Diane Shapiro, Amy Coblenz and Patti D'Amore, along with Adam and his buds Nate and Brian (the terrific trio), met me at the JCC early this evening where we set up for tomorrow's drive.  Tomorrow morning will be exclusively for training the amazing volunteers (including my oldest friend Jill Kaplan who came from New York just to help!) who are making this unbelievable, life-saving effort a fantastic reality.  I've been really obssessing over it (ya think?), but now its time to step back, own that we all did all that we could and let it do what it will.  Hopefully, it will get its karmic groove on in a major, earth-moving kinda way.  My Scorpio self cannot say for sure that the angel we are going to find from the drive will be for Dennis, but I do know, with weird, psychic certainty, that there is an angel waiting there tomorrow for a swabbing date with destiny and that a life is going to be saved as a result.  Our poster repeats it, and the talmudic scholars uttered it, "He/She who saves one life, it as if he/she saved the entire world'.  I couldn't have said it any better (though I definitely would have uttered that baby in a more gender-neutral fashion if I had).  You have my love, you have my heart.  Debra

10/01/04

Dear Fanclub:
The tough ride continues today.  The fevers go up and down and the constant cramping and diarhhea make for sleepless nights.  He does not seem to be too bothered by the nausea though he has had a few bouts where food would not stay down.  It seems to be hitting him hardest in the gastro tract and there is not much that can be done past the medication he receiving; it needs to run its course.  One saving grace (if one can even use that term) is that it seems no worse than yesterday.  Hopefully he has hit the roughest patch and it will stay at about the same level of intensity before his blood counts start to regroup, head back up and he improves.  That could be a few days or it could be a week.  As seems to be par for the course with chemo, there is no real way to predict duration.  He has been having Reiki sessions with a practitioner who works for DFCI and finds that it has an effect in realigning wherever his energy lies at the time of the treatment.  I'm grateful and impressed that DFCI understands both the need and the effectiveness of eastern-oriented treatments and energy work.  Mind-body wellness is very concrete and necessary to our lives; our bodies are powerful and our minds are untapped and limitless.
The Gift of Life folks (an example of the term 'folks' used appropriately) will be in tomorrow evening in time to help us set up the rooms at the JCC for Sunday's drive.  I feel as if I've spent little 'quality' time with the offspring in the past weeks, so we are going over my cousin's Sheera and Ahron's home to celebrate Sukkot.  I know I will be praying at their table tonight for my people to heed the bone marrow call and come out in force on Sunday.  As I've said before, the house of Goodman/Ozer embraces and welcomes all makes and models with love, but this time, for this purpose, for the needs of this man, its very much my tribe of Israel who need to show the love for their tribal brother in need.  Together in the fight.  Debra.

9/30/04
During this last week, I have been holding steady in the belief that his strong body would be able to dodge the bad chemo reaction bullet, but it hit him full force today.  He got the full litany, from continuing bad cramps and diarrhea to high fevers of 103 complete with bad chills and extreme weakness.  They have been pulling blood and stool cultures, as well as meticulously examining the Hickman line, to make sure that there are no specific infections present causing the fever. So far, all is good and they feel the fever is a a normal by-product of his almost non-existent immune system from the chemo. As much as you can hear doctors and nurses prepare you for this and listen to them say 'its normal, its working, its okay', 'its' devastating to watch.  I don't think I've ever felt so impotent and useless before in my inability to make it all go away and make him feel better.  Somehow rubbing his head and legs and tucking blankets in just doesn't seem to cut in when you see the person you love going through this shit (excuse the language, but sometimes you got to let it all hang out).  But I am reassured by talking to Dr. Stone and knowing that nothing is occuring that is of worry or out of the ordinary.  No little beads of sweat appear on his forehead as he tells me all is as well as can be expected; you know you're getting the truth (hmmm, somewhere in this there is a WMD comment to be had!).  He remains as cool and nonplussed in the face of all of this as Kerry was tonight debating Bush (sorry, I have been good and just could not resist. Was especially diggin' on the stem cell shout-out by Kerry!).  Although Dennis was very tired and bundled up in his bed against the fever chills when I left, as predicted a few updates ago, he rallied to watch the debates and called me to offer his pithy assessments of what he was seeing and hearing.  Thanks, John Kerry, for making my man smile tonight.  The next few days may be a rough ride for him but I will do all I can in whatever way I can to ease the passage.  He has the power, the attitude and the will to fight through anything.   We're both visualizing in the most positive way possible to next Wednesday and that bone marrow biopsy.  Pray and meditate on the following: 5% or less leukoblast cells in his bone marrow.  Those are the magic words that spell REMISSION, the most beautiful word in the english language.  Walkin' the walk.  Debra.

9/29/04

Hey Friends in Ozer:
So, even The Don has to have a rough day now and then and, unfortunately, today was one of those days.  The diarrhea was back with a vengeance leaving him tired after a tough night with little sleep.  He remained crampy and uncomfortable through most of the day.  His platelets were also quite low and he required a transfusion.  Somewhere along the line, either today's blood unit or yesterday's resulted in hives requiring mucho Benedryl to counteract the reaction.  I'm no doctor, but all these different drugs mixing in his system to quell various symptons ultimately must do a number on his body and his head.  He was definitely very sleepy and not quite as alert although he kept the muscles sharp walking the pods and had our friends Joel, Tom A., Delmar and Kevin O'Conor (the other Mr. O) up to visit at various times throughout the day.  In the end though, all of this is a normal reaction to the chemo and means its doing what it is supposed to do.  Dr. Stone continues to be pleased by his progress and his overall strength and determination.  More and more, I see that we were pro-active and caught the changeover from MDS to AML fairly early.  If I can lecture with some degree of confidence on one thing, its that we must follow our instincts and push for what feels right in any medical situation.  When Dennis and I went back to see Dr. Stone after our vacation when the need for a transfusion indicated that things had progressed, Dr. Stone wanted to give it another 3-4 months before doing another bone marrow biopsy.  Instinct, need for peace of mind and nagging Scorpio sense was telling me not to wait and, as it turns out, Dennis was in the same place, so we pushed for a test that day.  The rest is history.  Dennis walked into that hospital with a physically powerful body, healthy organs and a firm, resolute, focused mind.  I am totally convinced that will be the mitigating factor that will serve to get him through this and bring him home healthy and ready to start chapter two on his already amazing journey of a life. Our doctors can cure us, but only we can advocate and demand what is right for our bodies and minds.  Know thyself and know your bodacious bod is truly a gift and a temple.  Mr. O has set the example, now follow his lead. 
All praise, thanks and the You is Da House award to our friend Ralph Feinberg for getting both an article and a full page ad in the Newton, Needham, Brookline and Wayland Tabs.  Credit for the idea must go entirely to its mastermind, the wonderful Mr. Feinberg. I have been on the phone literally without stop today fielding calls about the drive.  Crazy, but enormously fulfilling indeed! The response from the article has been extraordinary to say the least and, with a circulation of 70,000, even a response rate of 1% would be fantastic. Something tells me to expect much more.  This is no longer just a drive, but an official Dennis Ozer Happening.  Funny how that often seems to happen with the man.  Our friend, Joel will be there taping parts of it so I can show Dennis the love, the mission and the drive to find his match.  Something tells me it will be a beautiful sight to behold.  Keep pushing for the numbers on Sunday and keep sending his name up to the heavens and beyond.  'You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down' (Tom Petty).  Debra

9/28/04

Dear Ozer Constituency:
Dennis continues to feel well and, in the words of Dr. Stone, look fantastic.  Its heartwarming indeed to hear those words out of his doctor's mouth!  Even after 7 days in the hospital and 6 days of chemo, he looks ruddy and healthy when compared to my east european, pasty-complexioned self.  If you look at the color pictures of the 4 of us (under Family Pictures), that old Sesame Street classic, 'One of These Things is Not Like the Other' comes to mind.  I've always referred to it as the Ozer olive oil complexion.  For the first time since he was admitted, he was a mite grumpy and it highly amused Colm T. Nurse when he saw this 'other' side of his model patient.  Watching the TV news and polls on Bush (apologies GOP friends but I'm just reporting here) made him ballistic.  I take that as a good sign and will play tapes loops of Bush speeches if need be on those bad days (should they come) to rouse him, piss him off, and make him forget whatevers ailing him!    More of the gastro effects of the chemo made themselves apparent today, again normal, but enough to make anyone feel grumpy and uncomfortable in the best of circumstances.  But, all in all, he remains fantastically strong and resolute through this ordeal and, as he said so eloquently in his latest letter (check it out by clicking on the 'Notes from Dennis' link), he is fighting his battle and knows his mission. 
On a donor search update note, I found out today that two of the cousins, Bob Usadi and Elena Levy, did not type out as matches.  That still leaves 5 cousins and I'll report their results as I receive them.  Gift of Life also now compares Dennis's tissue type directly to all new donors received into their database (as opposed to being an affiliate search by the NMDP) and, since that database is primarily Jewish, perhaps that more direct focus might help to increase the odds in his favor.  Finding a donor is all a numbers game which is why a huge turn-out for the drive is so crucial!  Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, come oh ye Jews far and wide and pony up your tissue type!  Keep sending the love, keep digging deep for him spiritually.  Like a rock.  Debra.

9/27/04

Greetings OzerNation:
Today finds Dennis feeling stable, although extremely tired, with spirits high.  Hes eating a little better today and his temperature has remained normal.  All other systems are moving along as they should, shall we say.  Some day he'll look back at these entries and want to smack me for telling intimate details about his bodily functions.  Inquiring minds want to know!  His chemo is scheduled to end Wednesday night.  If this able-bodied man of mine is going to have a tough time with the chemo, it will be in the days to week following the final dose, but something tells me that he will weather this with the strength and resilience he has shown in every other aspect of life.  If he does have a difficult time of it, know that he has the most tremendous, capable care in both the B&W nursing staff and his bride who will be sleeping there and caring for him right alongside them. 
On another note, there is a decent likelihood that I may have to give up my two beautiful cats after Dennis has the transplant.  Since they use kitty litter, the possibility of scratching Dennis and transmitting toxiplasmosis or something else inherently dangerous to him is far too great and the doctors are givng me the word up.  Anyone who knows me knows that these cats are damn close to being like kids to me and its devastating enough to think of giving them up, but I can't put Dennis in \any kind of jeopardy.  Please put the word out about these two wonderful, affectionate cats so I know they will go to people who will love them as much as me and my boys have (you notice I pointedly left Dennis out of that!).  They are very loving, adore kids and are altogether awesome little kitty beasts! Please call or e-mail me if you can help; it will probably be several more months before Dennis actually has the transplant and comes home, but its important that the word goes out now.  I am deeply committed to my animals and owe them the very best effort possible in finding a loving home (where, hopefully, we can visit often!)  Off to walk the Bronte.  Night all.  Debra.

9/26/04
Dear FanClub:
I finally got to the hospital with Jakob today although we didn't get to stay long due to 8 year old boredom.  I also got a little paranoid when he got too close to Dennis as 8 year old boys are awfully close to the earth and rate high on the germ scale.  Dennis had a fever of about 100 degrees yesterday and had problems with diarrhea (both common side effects of the chemo) which both seemed to have resolved themselves today.  He said, he seems to have 10 minutes where he feels okay, then 10 where he feels terrible, and so forth.  The nausea has kicked up a notch, but the nursing staff is right on it and prepared to control it as it gets worse.  His appetitie is also going by the wayside, so he is drinking Boost to keep getting the nourishment he needs and trys to keep on tea and toast.  He continues to get blood transfusions daily to keep his red blood counts up and will probably continue to for quite some time.  For those already on the bone marrow registry or who are unable to become donors, I would encourage you to donate blood and platelets to DFCI for all cancer patients.  I am seeing that the need is tremendous and, thanks to the inspiration of Amy MacDougall, a good friend of our friend from Charrette Jack Ford, I'm going to start donating as often as I can.  I'm at DFCI everyday now, so I can't even use the excuse of saying its a schlep to go into Boston!  All in all, his spirit and attitude are still awe-inspiring.  He keeps looking at the pictures of the kids which I brought into his room and says that the 4 months of suffering and difficulty will be well worth it knowing it will give him the 20 years on the other side with his boys.  I tortured you enough with yesterday's entry, so you get a break tonight!  Peace and out.  Debra

9/25/04

Hi all -
Not much of change for Dennis today,  He continues to be extremely tired and to sleep a great deal.  I hoped to take Jakob to see him, but little O woke up sniffly and stuffy.  I'm not sure if its allergies or a cold, but I can't take a chance with Dennis' blood levels dropping as they are.  Dennis sounded mentally alert though and continues walking the pods and gently stretching his body.  We are fortunate to know some wonderful people in the healing arts who I hope to have work with him to keep his muscles flexible and mobile.  But, according to Dr. DeAngelo who stopped by to see him, all seems to be going well and as expected and thats all we can ask for at this point. His bone marrow will tell the tale in 14 days, but that feels light years away and we take it a day at a time.  Small victories. 
But, meanwhile, its finally thank you time.  Everyone deserves to have their names called out and sent out to the firmaments and these people, in particular, have been my lights and my shining stars.
Jim Dadmun, Glen Fairbanks, Bob Bekesha, Kristen Coles, Pam Keith and the rest of the crew at DGI-Invisuals.  These are people I work with who have allowed me the freedom to focus on Dennis and my family without guilt and without remorse.  They are each special and remarkable in more ways than I can recount.  They are taking care of the professional me, taking care of my clients and have removed the pressure of constantly worrying about our family finances.  I am honored to work with them and thank them for unselfishly giving Dennis and my children the gift of my time and presence.
Rabbi Keith Stern, Debbie Fellman, Patty D'Amore, Emmy Zylber and the community of Temple Beth Avodah.  Although I have always been proud and connected as a member of the Jewish tribe, I have, admittedly, had difficultly connecting to a congregation and allowing a Jewish communty into my life.  Starting with Rabbi Stern who I turned to on the day of Dennis' diagnosis to Emmy Zylber who immediately reached out to start the process of supplying us with meals, the boys and I have been embraced, surrounded and protected with an overwhelming amount of Jewish-style love and spirituality.  Your support has shaken me out of my complacency and helped me to understand the meaning of being a Jew and the role of community, prayer and participation.  Debbie Fellman, you are a blessing to me.  Your warmth, strength and friendship is a gift and you are fast becoming my rock of Gibralter.  God blessed me indeed when he/she (pick the one that works for you!) brought you into my life through your Peter Daniel Clark foundation.  Rabbi Stern, you helped me honor and bury my father with love and dignity, you will Bar Mitzvah my first born this November and you have marshalled the Rabbinical troops behind our bone marrow drive and my husband.  All this and a fabulous, amazing wife he has to boot!  Oy, such a guy!  
Sheera and Ahron Solomont- my family, my friends.  Never forget that we are your family and you are ours. We love you, we appreciate you, we are blessed by you.  Sari Rapkin and Betsy Cohen-every day, every hour, every moment. 
David Levy, Elena Levy, Lester Levy, Bob Usadi, Eva Usadi, Jonathan Usadi, Debby Nagler, Allison Arnold, Bob Arnold, Joyce Echt, Ruth Cornell -the Dennis Ozer First Cousins Club (I hope I didn't miss anyone).  Thank you for your love, your energy, your tissue typing.  Sherri Goldberg-old friend with deep roots.  You always come through and your energy is inspiring.  Ralph Feinberg-new friend who pulls out all the stops (we Goodmans also love your wife!).  Marty Gutter-miracle magician. Dennis is blessed by your friendship. Louise Cohen for leading Sari and I to Jay Feinberg and the Gift of Life Registry.  Eleanor Grosser of The Jewish Advocate for bringing the Dennis Ozer Bone Marrow Drive to the Jewish communty.  
Mort Ozer, Dorothy Ozer and my father, Herbert Goodman.  You are intrinsically and forever part of Dennis and me.  Your eyes shine down on us every waking hour and will light the path for Adam on his Bar Mitzvah day.
One must always end the thank yous with she who brought us into this world!  My mother Sylvia Goodman.  She is my life, my inspiration, my guidance, my teacher, my girlfriend.   I did something very good in a previous life to be allowed to be her daughter.  I am everything because of her and would be nothing without her.  Her love is a gift beyond value and I only hope to someday make her proud and be half the woman that she is. 
*****Deep breath and change of subject pause******
In other Ozer news, we welcome the Gift of Life Bone Marrow Registry to our drive effort and to dennisozer.com, THE happenin' place to be. Jay Feinberg, Gift of Life's Executive Director is himself a stem cell transplant survivor.  Check out our new friends at www.giftoflife.org and read Jay's story.  Miracles can happen, with effort and with love, and it did for him!  We are now working with both Gift of Life and the NMDP towards the goal of reaching as many donors as possible. Gift of Life is also working with Dennis' cousin David Levy to launch a concurrent drive in Seattle.  In addition, we are also hoping to launch a drive in Brooklyn NY with Gift of Life and Dennis' cousins Elena Levy and Eva Usadi. The Brooklyn drive is still in the planning stages but will hopefully become a reality in the next week (lots and lots of Chasidic Jews with pure bloodlines back to the old country!!).  So, Dennis has now become national in scope and we can truly call ourselves OzerNation!  This has been a long one and I thank you for bearing with me and my need to acknowledge.  As they say on Yom Kippur, 'May your names be inscribed in the book of life'.  Debra

9/24/04

Yo OzerNation:
So, I brought in my weights, I done brought in my squeezy balls, I even brought in pictures of the offspring, but when the hoop came out and Colm T. Nurse assembled it (I am mechanically challenged to say the least) and placed it on the door, the Don offered the following upon clanging his first virgin jumper off the TV set (and I quote) - "I don't need no pick, I don't need no play, just gimme the ball and get the f--- outta my way" (Bob E. Heck is a proud man tonight)!  Beautifully spoken. 
Today was definitely a tougher day and a dramatic change from yesterday, indicating that the chemo is definitely starting to do its 'thing'.  He was very tired and sleeping a lot during the day.  There are a staggering amount of different drugs, other than the chemo, going into his system that are treating issues ranging from nausea, upset stomach, potassium loss and discomfort from the Hickman, and it all serves to make him feel weak and a bit disoriented. He continues to walk the pods, but 3 laps around completely zaps his energy.  His frustration is evident at not having his body under his control and performing at peak efficiency.  Being exhausted and laid-up in bed is especially hard for someone who is used to moving like the Tasmanian Devil from the Warner Bros. Roadrunner cartoons. But he's Dennis and he keeps on keepin' on, taking it all in stride and keeping those in attendence laughing and marvelling.  Just when it looks like he's nodding off, his brain clicks in and he starts cracking on the crowds with one of his classic Dennis-isms (such as the one that began today's update).
Sari R. and I spent a lot of time visting tonight and, although we managed to get him laughing and doin' the diss on certain Presidents we know while watching the news, his whole mood totally perked up when his boy Colm T. Nurse came in.  All of the nurses have been incredible, but Colm is da house for Dennis. My little Scorpio vibe tells me that Colm's going to be the one to help get him through when the days and nghts get really tough, bless his little gaelic, Red Sox lovin' soul.  Oh, and for all those who have expressed displeasure at seeing Dennis in Red Sox colors on the drive poster, know that he has yet to make a formal, long term committment to the long-sufferin', Red Sox Nation madness here in Boston and still maintains an objective, professional distance when it comes to his baseball.  Chill evil Yankee fans.
Although he's been taking calls, he is still not really up to visitors yet (Sari was an exception as she is family).  Hang tight, oh ye that love Dennis and you will soon be granted an audience!  He has had many old friends checking in, some who he hasn't spoken to in 15 or more years, and I thank those people, from the bottom of my heart, for reaching over the chasm of time and conflict to show him your love.  My bleeding-heart liberal self would still really like to believe that, in the presence of a struggle for life, old animosities mean nada and can be put behind and to rest. 

Amen and hallelujah until tomorrow.  Debra

9/23/04

Hello to all -
Dennis began his chemotherapy last night as expected and seems to be doing well so far. He did wake up slightly nauseous at around 4:30a.m., but his nurse immediately took care of that with some medication that quelled the nausea and sent him more comfortably back to dreamland. All vitals are holding up well as are his spirits. He remains physically strong and does laps around his pod several times a day. Rumour has it that 25 laps=1 mile; if its true and we make it, we'll re-name it the DonOzer Hospital Hike in his honor. I'm also bringing him in light weights, squeezy balls for his hands and most, importantly, a hoop and foam balls for the skills (aren't you proud of me Bob E. Heck??!!) You can lose your mind, lose your way, but Armageddon will come for sure on the day The O man loses his sweet set shot! Your e-mails to him are terrific and are really moving. Keep them coming, keep in communication, keep bringin' the love!
Adam came with me today to visit and I will take Jakob in separately over the weekend. They are each little angel men when they are apart and devil spawn when they get together and all that testosterone heats up! They have both been holding up exceedingly well considering, though Adam was definitely teary when he left the hospital and had to say goodbye (real men can cry) and Jakob has been alternately extremely clingy with me and hyper and obstinate (hmmm, wheres he get that from?). His famous Ozer temper has been flaring more than usual and there are times I need to lock myself in another room so I won't throttle his cute little self (I can hear the DSS coming to get me as I type this to you!) But they both come from good, strong Goodman/Ozer peasant stock and have a wonderful community of loving friends and relatives keeping them focused and in line.
I still must make my litany of thank yous but, once again, feel the pull of a final dogwalk and sleep beckoning. Tomorrow will bring another morning in which to catch up and take up the armor. FYI, my thank yous are not out of obligation, but out of a deep sense of knowing how important it is to be acknowledged when you have stepped up and accomplished for those in need. We shine together and we shine as individuals. Another lesson learned from my always beloved Dad, the other strong, unique, fantastic man who has graced my life and one that Dennis also exemplifies everyday.

Yours in the fight. Debra.

9/22/04

Dear Friends in Ozer:
Its incredible how you can know someone for so many years, be married to them, share the same bed night after night and still discover new things in them you never quite realized were there.  Dennis' strength, spirit and humor is absolutely remarkable.  I mean, yeah I knew what a happenin' kind of guy he was since I done married his ass, but facing this kind of thing would wilt and bring down the best and strongest among us.  With Dennis, there is no retreat, no surrender (thanks Dan Shapiro for sharing that great line) and he is like the EveryReady Brooklyn Bunny who just keeps goin, and goin' and goin'.  As Anna, she of the vital signs, said to me today "your husband, he has such a sweet temperment' (for a second there I thought she was talking about my dog Bronte).  By now he knows her complete life story and the names of both her kids.  He also once again demonstrated his superb knowledge of foreign languages by throwing off a line of Croatian to his anesthesiologist for the Hickman procedure when he mentioned thats where he was from.  Whadda guy, whadda man!
All went well with the Hickman implant and he received both an infusion of platelets and a transfusion of red blood cells to get his counts back up (they had dropped down to 25 from yesterday).  Both Dr. Stone and his associate Dr. DeAngelo stopped by to see him and, in doing so, got another major grilling from me, the question lady.  They're going to start running in the other direction soon when they hear my melodious tones floating through his closed door!  By now (9:30p.m. that is),they should be starting his chemotherapy. Despite all the heavy baggage that comes with receiving chemo, the actual infusions themselves are uneventful and he should be able to get a good night's rest.  He won't be feeling any of the ill effects of the chemo until a few days after receiving the full course which will end at this time next Wednesday.  Heres hoping that the next week will not be too uncomfortable for him.  The nursing staff is terrific and, if and when he starts to feel poorly, they will be there with treatment and medication to manage the nausea, fevers and other issues that can arise from chemo.  And you all better know that I am waiting and ready to set up camp in that room and be there 24/7 to take care of him however he needs. This is what those silly ol' marriage vows are all about.  Again, just a gentle reminder to please check in with me if you would like to visit him; I think he will be up for visitors in a day or so.  You can drop me an e-mail or call me on my cell phone (617/799-8110).  And please, please, please folks, do not even think about going to visit if you have anything resembling a cold or illness or if you've been exposed to sick kids.  His blood counts are going to start to go extremely low before they rise again and he will be wide open to infection. Lecture over.  Stay tuned to tomorrow's update for many, many thank yous that I'm too tired to extend right now but are so very well deserved.  You have taken us into your hearts and your lives; its a beautiful place to be!  Blessings everyday.  Debra

9/21/04

Dear Friends:
Dennis was admitted to Brigham and Women's Hospital today, almost exactly a month after we first received his diagnosis.  The walk back to my car (which was parked at DFCI) without my man, down a long series of empty corridors and bridges that connect DFCI to B&W, was one of the saddest and loneliest moments I have ever experienced.  It is wrenching to leave your life partner alone when all you want to do is camp out and spend every moment taking care of him (or her) and easing the burden every ache along the way. It really drove home the realization that, as much as Dennis has this incredible, unrivaled, loving community closing rank around him and embracing his every move, there are parts of this battle and the road back to health that he will face and travel alone as a solitary man.  Friends and family, I am deeply humbled tonight.
Of course Dennis being Dennis, he made immediate buddies with his male nurse, Colm (thats pronounced 'column' for all we non-gaelics), was testing his fledgling Spanish with Anna, the aid who checks his vitals, and was berating Veronica, the TV turnin' on woman (for lack of a better title) for not having ESPN at the hospital.  He was being transferred to a private room when last we talked and y'all know its just a matter of time before that room becomes THE place to be at B&W.  When I last spoke to him at around 9:45, I could hear yelling in the background from multiple voices as the Red Sox scored a run.  Need I say more about his settling in?
They performed some initial blood work tonight and will be giving him a transfusion tomorrow morning since his red blood cell levels are way down again at 27.  After that, he will go into surgery to have a Hickman catheter placed in hs chest. The Hickman is a flexible tube that is placed under the skin of his upper chest and into one of the main blood vessels leading to his heart.  All infusions, intravenous fluids and blood work will be done through the Hickman, avoiding multiple daily needle sticks in his arms.  And so it begins.  If Dennis and I were at all able to intellectualize our feelings this past month, the gravity of the situation has now become staggeringly, painfully real and scary on a very emotional level.
My man Colm T. Nurse has asked that people NOT send any flowers, plants or dried flowers to Mr. O.  Latex balloons are also a big hospital no-no.  Books, cards and other sources of entertainment would be most welcome.  Chocolate, baked goods and both sweet and tart candy are great and encouraged since many chemo patients seem to enjoy it as the chemo can leave a metallic aftertaste.  Juicy Fruit gum seems to be a particular chemo fave.  Dennis has also asked that people refrain from calling for the next few days as there will be a lot of initial procedures taking place and he needs time to adjust to the reality of being in the hospital.  He has his laptop, would love to continue receiving your e-mails and will e-mail back as much as he can.  I'll let everyone know when he is feeling ready to receive phone calls and, again, respectfully ask anyone who would like to visit to both wait a bit and always check with me before they head in.  I am Goodman the gatekeeper and I take my job very seriously.  Time to take my tired tush to bed.  Sweet dreams to all.  Deb

9/20/04

Hey OzerNation:
I feel like our lil' ol' Needham home has become the headquarters for Ozer for President between organizing and publicizing the drive (phone calls! newspapers! magazines! fundraising letters! iPod donwnloads!) and those stopping by to pay homage to Don Ozer before he goes into the hospital tomorrow.  As I've said many times, your love and respect humbles The Don and gives him strength for the fight ahead! 
Our drive is moving ahead with a force all its own.  My unending thanks to The Jewish Advocate for agreeing to place 11,000 inserts of the drive poster into their next edition and to Unigraphics, once again, for moving hell and high water to get the inserts done overnight for delivery to the Advocate.  I must tell you all that none of this would be possible without my friend Sari Rapkin (mushy moment comin' on). She is my foundation, my anchor in these and so many other stormy times and my life would be far less worthy and special if she was not in it! This girl would be wanderin' lost in the desert without her love and support these many years.  If I can wish you all one thing in life besides health, it would be to have a Sari of your very own! 
Moving on from Mushyville, there has been some concern raised by a few of you regarding turnaround times for results when you go directly to DFCI.  DFCI had agreed to fund the first 25 people who came to get typed at $ 25.00 instead of the normal $65.00.  Turns out, as I found out today, that discount comes with an 8-10 week turn for the results versus the 3-4 week turn for those contributing $65.00.  We have already informed DFCI that we would prefer they not fund any more donors as the results would not be available in time to help Dennis.  If you anticipate that you will be going to DFCI for typing instead of the drive, please let them know that you want to type for $65.00 as the results are crucial for Dennis Ozer, a patient currently undergoing chemo.  If the $65.00 is problematic for you, we at FOD (friends of Dennis) would be glad to pick up the cost of the testing.  We have confirmed that drive results will be available in 3-4 weeks, which will allow adequate time for each result to be compared to Dennis.  Heres hoping that his miracle match is waiting 'round the corner!   Yours in the OzerNation.  Debra

9/18/04

Dear Fanclub:
Uh oh, Debra Deep Moment Alert (DDMA)!  This is our last weekend together before Dennis goes into the hospital and the familia has been spending lots of 'quality time', truly valuing each day far more than the normal weekend.  The timing of Dennis' starting the good fight with the Jewish High Holidays seems like no coincidence.  The High Holidays are very much about family, prayer, welcoming new beginnings and cleansing old demons.  Rosh Hashanah brings with it all the good things that come with a clean New Year (you know, that fresh start kinda thing); Yom Kippur allows us to confront and then let go of the negative baggage from the year before so we can move into the new year unencumbered.  For the Goodman/Ozer clan, this year will be like no other and I do believe our lives will be irreparably changed from the course they may have been on before Dennis' illness. But I already know that change is for the better as times like these will test both what you are about as a planetary inhabitant and the depth of your ties to those who surround you.  If I'm strong for Dennis, its because my momma and my daddy raised me up right and then the mayor of O brought out the very best in me (awwww, you all say!)  And, If I had any cynicism about human nature and the ability of people to rise above conflict and give unqualified love and support, that is all way gone.  You have all shown us, unendingly, what the power of family, friendship and prayer can do when you allow yourself to be open, be humble and accept love without ego.  End of DDMA - you can all relax now.
Your e-mails to Dennis have been fantastic and he absolutely loves them!  Please keep 'em coming while he's in the hospital; he's bringing in his laptop so he can stay connected with OzerNation (thanks Daphne Davidson for that great phrase; I laughed my butt off when I read that in your e-mail!).  Of course, the O Man has been a CD burnin' fool and will be going in with an iPod full o' Dylan and blues (and perhaps a Prince tune or two). You KNOW he will have a different Dylan quote to match up with every experience he will have throughout this!  Thanks Rick S. for hookin' him up.  Also, since a number of you have asked, he can have visitors while going through chemo but, since its a day-to-day thing regarding how he will feel, I would ask that you contact me first to see if hes up to it.  You will then be asked 3 questions and be forced to make a pertinent, on-the-spot sports analogy before you will be allowed to enter the realm of Ozer!   Seriously though folks, surprise visits while going through chemo are probably not a wise idea!  In summary,  please don't forget to contact me to come by for your marrow drive posters, stay tuned for more info for those volunteering and, most importantly, turn up the volume on your prayers and the good vibes and set the ground ashakin' for da man!  Weatherin' the storm - Debra.

9/14/04

Greetings from D & D:
That would be Dennis and Debra to all who didn't figure it out, and, yes, we will go this toe-to-toe as a tough, tight team. Den and I are Marvin Hagler and the MDS/AML is Thomas Hearns (I have been dying to get in my own sports analogy with my man Marvelous Marvin!!!) For those of you who are not boxing literate, suffice it to say that Tommy Hearns was carried out of the ring at the end of THAT fight! Dennis saw Dr. Stone today and signed consent papers to start chemo next Tuesday the 21st so, our fight is just starting but, with faith, love, modern medicine and a good, strong dose of plain old luck, our fight will end with Dennis' fist raised high (and back on the court to test your hoop skills Jordan Gupp!)! Many thanks to Fiona Epstein of the Jewish Community Center of Newton for confirming our date of Sunday, October 3rd from 11:00a.m.-4:00p.m. for our bone marrow drive. Flo and Alycia will be putting up a link on the website shortly with the 'official' press release and a printable poster we will use to publicize the event near and far. Please tell as many people as you can about the drive and feel free to print out and distribute the press release and poster (modern technology is a beautiful thing!). Shout-outs (to cop Mr. O's term) to Unigraphics and my peeps at DGI-Invisuals for donating the posters and mondo big prints for the drive you will soon see coming to a neighborhood near you. And to all of you who have gone to be typed for Dennis and the Registry - YOU DA BOMB and are a gift to us and to those in need. My most heartfelt thanks to Alan Teperow of the Synagogue Council in our area for spreading the word of the drive to congregations throughout our area. The High Holidays are a deeply joyous, reflective and spiritual time for Jewish people, and this season will have an incredible amount of meaning and emotional impact knowing that Dennis' name will ring out and up from bimahs all around New England. No matter what your path to spirituality and a higher power might be, please know that your love, support and prayers reach us, touch us everyday and are the foundation for the strength and humor we need as we face this demon called cancer. All are welcome at the House of Ozer! Blessings y'all. Debra

9/12/04

Hello Fanclub:
Not much new, medically speaking, over the weekend.  I just wanted to take a moment to clarify an entry I made a few days ago that seems to have caused confusion.  I've had quite a few e-mails and calls from people who are under the impression that we have found a matched donor for Dennis.  I need to emphasize, we HAVE NOT found a donor who is a complete, molecular match for Dennis as we stand today.  Because Dennis' brother was not a match and the 10 potential matches from the Registry did not test out to be compatible on a molecular level, we currently have no match potentials available to us at this time.  Without any donor options, we have to consider and accept alternative transplants that are less than optimum and far riskier than conventional matched donor transplants.  The cord blood and MISMATCHED donor options are both considered alternative and experimental in nature and definitely do not offer us the best possible transplant scenario.   While I don't ever mean to sound negative and want to stress that we feel fortunate that these alternative options are even available, I also want everyone reading this to understand how crucial it is to turn out the biggest bone marrow drive possible, especially in the Jewish community.  So pull out all of your contacts, tell your friends and business accquaintances and lets send out the good vibes near and far to bring in that perfect, matched donor for Dennis.  Later .... Debra

9/09/04

Hi to all -
I received an e-mail from Dr. Stone, Dennis' oncologist, this morning confirming that both a umbilical cord blood match and a mis-matched adult donor (a donor that has some, but not all, of the same matching HLA markers as Dennis) have been located and reserved for Dennis when DFCI is ready to proceed with the transplant. Dr. Antin, his transplant doctor, will decide which method to go with (cord blood or mis-matched donor) after seeing how Dennis responds to the round of induction chemo. While an adult matched donor, related or unrelated, would still be highly preferable, we are both extremely relieved to know that these options are waiting and available to us. In the meantime, Dennis' first cousins have been sending in their addresses and kits are going out to them immediately. for fast typing. We should have a hard and fast date/time for the drive tomorrow evening and y'all can just about bet on the fact that Dennis' Bone Marrow Babes will be launching into publicity and networking hyperdrive to get the word out for the bone marrow drive! The community here in Needham where I live has been incredible in their support and I thank them for for reaching out and embracing Dennis and my family. Like all mothers, my Mama Lion instinct kicks in when anything threatens the emotional balance and well-being of my boys, and I can't even express how much it means to me to know that they are watched, cared for and protected by all the other Needham Mama Lions, teachers, educators and friends when they are at school and at activities. As Hillary Rodham Clinton ('hiss, boo', you Republicans are thinking), Democratic Goddess-Icon Supreme, said "It takes a village ..." Amen to that. Debra

9/08/04

Dear Fanclub:
There is an old saying that goes "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger". After todays' visit to Dana Farber, I feel like we're testing the validity of that statement to the maximum. Since the 10 donors who were initially identified as potential matches for Dennis are unrelated to him, they needed to be tested on a deeper, more molecular level in order to confirm them as a complete matched donor. Unfortunately, we found out today that none of the 10 matched up adequately and they have all been officially ruled out. DFCI will continue to search the Registry on a daily basis in addition to testing all of his first cousins on the outside chance that they might be a match, but it looks like our next step will be a full course of induction chemotherapy followed by, most likely, an umbilical cord blood stem cell transplant. Cord blood stem cell transplants show great promise, but the technology involved is far newer, and therefore riskier, than unrelated donor matched transplants. You can follow the 'Join the Registry' link under the 'Information' page (scroll down to the box regarding Cord Blood Donation) to learn more about cord blood stem cell transplants. Dennis is tentitively scheduled to enter Brigham and Women's Hospital on September 20th for a 4-6 week course of in-patient chemotherapy; DFCI will continue to pursue all transplant options while he is undergoing chemo. Additionally, we will be moving forward with our bone marrow drive as planned on Sunday, October 3rd. We are still waiting for definite confirmation of venue and are hoping that the Newton JCC will make itself available, but our Temple is ready and willing to serve as a back-up if the JCC cannot host the drive. Stay tuned for exact time and location but mark the date on your calendars for those of you who live nearby. Once we have location confirmation, we are going to ask each of you to help us publicize the drive so we can pull in as many donors as possible, especially those of you in the Jewish community (his most likely source of potential matches) who will be attending High Holiday services at your respective synagogues. We will be designing handouts and posters, but please let the board and members of your Temple know about the drive and ask them to work with us this High Holiday season to help turn out our community for Dennis and for the Registry. Although DFCI is prepared to move forward with a cord blood transplant, an adult, matched donor would still be highly preferable, so lets work together to organize a record-setting turn out for the Don Dennis Bone Marrow Drive! Rock on ... Debra

9/07/04

Greetings y'all-
We had a really amazing and special weekend thanks to all the Fan Club imaging industry friends who turned out Saturday night to show their love and support for the Godfather, the Scotchprince, the King o'Vinyl, Don Dennis Ozer. We are humbled to know that Invisuals brought together so many incredible people and thank you more than I can possibly put into words for continuing to touch our lives and keep the faith. The Don was incredibly moved by your respect and generosity! Laurie and Jim, you're a Mitzvah to us both!
On a different note, I would like to take a quick moment to clarify the typing protocol at DFCI versus a private facility. If you wish to go to DFCI to be typed, please be totally certain that you understand that you'RE joining a worldwide Registry and may be called upon to donate for someone else whose tissue type matches your own. You cannot type for Dennis exclusively at DFCI and should only type there with the understanding that you are becoming a volunteer bone marrow donor as opposed to a Dennis Ozer bone marrow donor. Dana Farber has had too many instances where someone types for a specific individual at DFCI and then refuses to become a donor when called upon for another patient in need. Your DFCI tissue typing results will be available in 3-4 weeks; since Dennis' donor search is an on-going daily review of potential donors, your results will appear on his search if you end up being a match for him. If you feel you cannot make the committment to the Registry, you can be typed through a private facility, such as Tepnel Life Codes who I mentioned in an earlier update (or another private facility if you're out-of-state), and have them send the results to Toni Dubeau at DFCI. Expect to pay more for typing at Tepnel especially if you request expedited results. While I would never ask anyone to join the Registry out of guilt (that grand Jewish tradition), I am here to tell you that cancer can happen to anyone, of any means, at any time. It does not discriminate and it strikes with tremendous force. While I fervently hope that none of you ever know what it means to go through what our family is facing, it may be a life personally precious to you that may be affected next time. Sermon over; now go play nice! Debra

9/03/04

Shalom all -
No new medical news today, but we're finding that the company of friends and family is great medicine in and of itself. Our friends Barbara and Bob drove here from Philly to stay and play over the long weekend; they've been keeping us talking and laughing our asses off since they've arrived. Great commentary from the peanut gallery here in Needham as we watched George Dubya's speech last night. With apologies to all our Republican friends and family (we still love you), theres nothing like the GOP for eliciting gasps of disbelief, roars of laughter and getting the 'ol political blood pumping! Politics as medicine!
Now that I got that out of my system I promise to stay away from the political for a bit! Dennis continues to feel much better thanks to the bounce in his blood levels from his transfusion. One thing I am realizing as we walk the path of learning to live with, survive and beat cancer, is that its a day-to-day, hour-to-hour process where each small moment of laughter, enjoyment and humor feels as massive as each medical step forward. Karma is a good one for smacking you upside the head and bringing priorities sharply and quickly into focus. We had pictures of the Familia Ozer/Goodman done today before he has to deal with the physical effects of chemo and the transplant and we look forward to sharing them with all of you on the fanclub website. Even got the dog into the act (whodathunk Cousin Allison!)!
My great and awesome bud Sari was kind enough to pass along 2 great informative documents from DFCI; one describes the stem cell donation and typing process and the other is a stem cell donation 'Q&A'. You can find them under the 'Links' page . The 'Q&A' in particular addresses the donation questions of those of you who are out-of-state and even international in location. For those Mass residents, stay tuned for a date for the Official Don Ozer Bone Marrow/Stem Cell drive coming to a street near you. We are working hard to organize it and will nail down a date/time hopefully sometime next week. Also, enormous, unending love and gratitude to Flo and Alycia for the Fanclub website that is our connection to all of you! Be well, enjoy the long weekend and live in the day! Always, Debra

Hey Fanclub:
Its my first update P.S. I have had several people e-mail and ask if they can only type for dennis but not necessarily be part of the Registry. Yes you can, although I would encourage you all to become part of the Registry even if it cannot necessarily benefit Dennis. If you choose to get typed for Dennis only, you will need to have the testing done at a private faciltiy as Dana Farber only types for those willing to be part of the overall Registry. If you would like to type privately, you can contact Tepnel Life Codes at 1.800.915.3695 or on the internet at www.bonemarrowtest.com. Please be aware that the fees for typing are decently higher than those of Dana Farber because the results are for a private individual only (in this case, the O man) and will not be added to the Registry at large. Ciao. D.

9/02/04

Hello all-
Had a chance to speak in greater depth to the person at DFCI (Dana Farber Cancer Institute) who will coordinate further investigation into the 10 donors preliminarily typed as potential matches. They are waiting for insurance comfirmation and further typing of Dennis' tissue and will move forward with these 10 mid next week. The process of finding a definite confirmation can be quite lengthy but we remain hopeful of finding our 'angel' in as expeditious a manner as possible. In the meantime, we will meet with Dr. Stone next Wednesday, at which time we'll have a better idea of when Dennis will enter the hospital for chemo.
On another note, I have contacted DFCI regarding organizing a bone marrow drive and will put that into place as soon as possible. Because tissue typing and matching works on a very ethnic level, it will be extra important to type as many people who are Jewish as possible along with, of course, all others who are willing. Also, we will more than likely utilize our temple, Temple Beth Avodah, as a facility for the drive. Because the Jewish High Holidays are right around the corner, we will probably set a date in the first week of October for the drive; by then, both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur will be over. This will also allow me and DFCI time to publicize the drive as much as possible. Stay tuned for an exact date. For those of you in the fanclub who have expressed a desire to get typed immediately, you can call DFCI at 1/866-875-3324 to make an appointment to go into Boston for the typing. Who knows - perhaps our angel is closer than we think! Again, please keep those e-mails coming. Dennis loves to get them and we are printing them out and starting a binder that he will take with him when he goes into the hospital. You are his source of inspiration and strength; keep sending your good energy his way!! Debra

9/01/04
Greetings All -
Dennis is feeling much better today after yesterday's transfusion. His energy level and his spirits are both back up after dealing with yesterday's disappointment regarding his brother's typing. We can't afford to get down for long so we will keep going full guns onto the next step. I did hear back from his doctor who is feeling that a round of induction chemotherapy would be the next logical step as they search for, find and put into place an unrelated donor. He anticipates that Dennis will enter the hospital within the next 2 weeks, but will discuss and confirm this when we see him next week.
We were at Dana Farber this morning to have an initial meeting with a social worker and we ran into Dr. Stone who had preliminary results of the registry search. Turns out that Dennis has an unusual protein in his tissue type (the Sicilian in the Jew) making it somewhat uncommon so, instead of the 1,000 or more donor matches they were hoping for, there seems to be only 10. They will start looking further into the backgrounds of these 10 people and should have a lot more information on whether any of the 10 will be suitable and available by our appointment next Wednesday. We may not have any new information available until that time, so don't get concerned if you do not see further medical updates in the next few days. Meanwhile, keep those e-mails coming (you can now e-mail Dennis directly); they mean more to us than you could ever know. We are grateful everyday for our incredible community of friends and family and are learning quite the life lesson in discovering that each day is a gift and every person in it is a blessing!As my father used to say "Onward and upward ...." Debra

8/31/04

Hello all -
We just got word from Dana Farber that Dennis' brother Jay is not a match. As much as I thought I steeled myself for this disappointment, I must admit it really got to me emotionally and it brought on the waterworks. We still have many options to pursue and rest assured that I know we will find a donor, but having his brother as a match would have made an already difficult process much easier. Dana Farber will now initiate a preliminary search of the bone marrow donor registry and I have e-mailed Dr. Stone (who we see again next week) to see where we go from here. I will keep you all posted as soon as I know more.
Dennis had to go in for a transfusion of red blood cells today. This becomes necessary when his red blood cell count drops below a certain level. He should be there for most of the day but will feel markedly better after the transfusion and will be home once its complete. This will be his second transfusion; the first took place at the beginning of the month and was our clue that his disease had progressed. On another note, I'm adding a link to Dennis' e-mail address on this Updates page, so please feel free to send him your wishes and greetings. A few of you have e-mailed me with wishes for him and I've made sure to forward them to him as I get them. Also, our thanks and love to our friends Laurie and Jim who are planning a gathering of old Invisuals folks and other friends for Dennis this Saturday.

Your love and friendship is astounding and keeps us going strong!

Debra

8/30/04
Hi all -
Firstly, thank you for all of your love and support. We feel your good energy in so many ways and it means the world to us. We went to our friend Carol's wedding this past weekend. It was wonderful seeing old friends and celebrating this special time for Carol in beautiful Hampton NH, and it left both Dennis and I feeling energized and positive! Dennis can't drink or otherwise alter his frame of mind, shall we say, but he still loves to party with the fanclub!
We did find out on Friday thar neither of the children are potential donors. We should know by Tuesday or Wednesday if his brother Jay is a match. I know a number of you have asked when he will enter the hospital; I will have a better idea of a timeline once we have received Jay's results and will update the site immediately. In the meantime, keep the positive vibes flowing and send your good thoughts and prayers for Mr. O out into the world! Be well.

Debra